Shame: The Exposed Self [Paperback]

Michael Lewis (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 068482311X | ISBN-13: 978-0684823119 | Publication Date: August 8, 1995

Shame, the quintessential human emotion, received little attention during the years in which the central forces believed to be motivating us were identified as primitive instincts like sex and aggression. Now, redressing the balance, there is an explosion of interest in the self-conscious emotion. Much of our psychic lives involve the negotiation of shame, asserts Michael Lewis, internationally known developmental and clinical psychologist. Shame is normal, not pathological, though opposite reactions to shame underlie many conflicts among individuals and groups, and some styles of handling shame are clearly maladaptive. Illustrating his argument with examples from everyday life, Lewis draws on his own pathbreaking studies and the theory and research of many others to construct the first comprehensive and empirically based account of emotional development focused on shame. In this paperback edition, Michael Lewis adds a compelling new chapter on stigma in which he details the process in which stigmatization produces shame.

Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews

To understand shame is to understand human nature, according to Lewis (Pediatrics, Psychiatry, Psychology/Robert Wood Johnson Medical School), who here presents his theories about this normal, universal emotion. In Lewis's view, to feel shame requires being able to compare one's self with one's standards or beliefs. When failure to meet a standard is seen as ``global'' (a failure of the whole self, i.e., ``I am bad''), shame results, but when failure is seen as ``specific'' (i.e., ``that action of mine was bad''), guilt results. The self must be exposed to itself, in Lewis's terminology, in order for shame to be felt; thus very young children do not experience it. He traces the developmental processes that allow for the emergence of shame, analyzes how it differs from related feelings, examines ways of coping with it, and looks at how the sexes differ in their experience of it. Females, he says, experience more shame than males, and when the emotion is prolonged, females are more likely to respond with depression and males with rage. In fact, Lewis links the violence in our society to an out-of-control shame/rage spiral. In extreme cases, prolonged shame may even produce narcissistic and multiple-personality disorders, both of which the author sees as on the increase. Although primarily concerned with shame in contemporary Western society, Lewis also looks briefly at other cultures. Throughout, he conscientiously provides as a framework for his own ideas the views of other psychologists, psychiatrists, scientists, and philosophers. Numerous anecdotes, written in a loose, conversational style that contrasts sharply with the rather textbookish tone of the main text, illustrate his ideas. Sensible scholarly analysis of an emotion that has an enormous impact on how individuals relate to each other and to society. (B&w drawings--not seen.) -- Copyright ©1991, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

Contemporary Psychology I heartily recommend [Shame] to scientists and practitioners alike, for I think with time it will become acknowledged as a pivotal text for how emotion, the self-system, and interpersonal relations are inextricably linked in human development.

Joseph J. Campos, Ph.D. Director of the Institute of Human Development, University of California, Berkeley ...a major contribution to the study of emotional development by one of the most creative figures in contemporary psychology...Dr. Lewis sheds light in an engaging and provocative manner on what shame is, how it develops, and why it is so significant for personality development.

Paul Ekman, Ph.D. Author of Telling Liesand Why Kids Lie Lewis brilliantly illuminates the nature of shame and its impact in our daily life, uniquely combining scholarly research, stories from everyday life, and clinical cases from his own practice. Lucid and insightful, it is must reading for scholars and laymen, researchers in emotion and development, and clinical practitioners.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (August 8, 1995)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 068482311X
• ISBN-13: 978-0684823119
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #757,643 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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4.0 out of 5 stars Shame on you!, August 31, 2011

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books4parents - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Shame: The Exposed Self (Paperback)

Emotion is a very complex subject, and shame - in particular - is one of the most difficult emotions to understand. The author makes a serious attempt to meet the challenge by reviewing the literature on shame all the way back to the Book of Genesis, to Darwin, Freud and contemporary 20th century theorists.

Parents typically use facial expressions of disgust and contempt in order to humiliate children and instill shame. Instead of explaining reasons for the parents' disapproval, their emotional reaction -often intense - has the effect of frightening the child into obedience. The child doesn't learn why the action is disapproved of, and in the future tends to attribute global goodness or badness to himself or other individuals, rather than evaluating reasons or specific circumstances.

The book presents an interesting model of shame, its origins (usually in miseducation), and effects (always toxic, as opposed to guilt which may be reparative). "A shame filled environment for any child is comparable to a stress-filled environment." (p. 113)

When children are taught to make global evaluations ("I'm a good person/I'm a bad person") they suffer from excessive pride or paralyzing shame - both of which are destructive to the individual and society. Children should be taught to make specific evaluations ("What I did yesterday was bad/What I'm doing today is good") to encourage constructive and reparative actions.

There is some evidence of differences in how parents and teachers socialize little boys and girls, with the result that girls are more prone to shame (especially regarding personal appearance) than boys (especially sexual performance). The consequence of shame is often depression (usually in women), or rage (usually in men).

The author doesn't consider the widespread problem of female sexual dysfunction, which is plausibly related to early shame training. Imagine, too, a world where girls and women aren't so ashamed of their breasts. The book has many other defects, such as promoting the now-discredited diagnosis of multiple personality disorder. But the basic message of this book is profoundly important: children's emotional education should be more careful than what has traditionally been passed off as good parenting.

3.0 out of 5 stars Good, but complicated info, August 14, 2011

By 

Keith B. Lodge (PA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Shame: The Exposed Self (Paperback)

I am a self-help type person. I read books about shame and I did not enjoy this one. This book was too complicated for me. To give you an idea of my educational level, I have a masters in counseling. I also work in the field. Not bragging, just saying, with all of the texts that I've read, for me to think something is over my head, that's pretty bad. However, everyone is different.