Customer Reviews

Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise

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4 star:		(1)
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This small book is about much more than the difference between shame and guilt. It is about degrees of shame (to the point of debilitating shame), ways that children are shamed, the consequences, characteristics of adults shamed as children and a lot more. One specific topic that I found extremely interesting was the explanation of grandiosity as a response to debilitating shame, which makes this book required reading for people with this symptom (such as alcoholics and families; bipolars may also benefit). Great condensed book.

An amazing book that touches at the very core of the feeling of shame. If you feel there is something fundamentally wrong with you, or feel you're hiding awful secrets inside you - read this book! Shame lies at the very heart of so many problems; this book is a great start towards healing that shame.

I remember having this book recommended to me years ago at the now closed "Journey's Bookstore" in Beaverton, Oregon. The woman who recommended it had actually heard the tape edition of this book first and was placing an order for the book version. She told me that it made her "cry for the child within her." I thought that any book that had such a powerful affect as this, must be a book I should read.

I ordered the tape and book edition. I listened to the tape version first (which was of the author talking to an audience about the content of this book), and then I read the book. The two together were quite powerful. The most interesting thing about this book was that it differentiates between "guilt" and "shame." The author says that often we use the two interchangeably. But the author says that they are actually two different things. The author says that guilt is "the feeling that what you have DONE is wrong," and that shame is "the feeling that what you ARE is wrong."

Never really thought about the difference between shame and guilt until I read this book. Guilt being when we blame our behavior in a given circumstance and shame being when we judge our very being. It has made me think twice about how I parent my own children and discipline their behavior. Eye-opening !

I read this book cover to cover and I plan reading it again. The author does and excellent job of explaining how shame and guilt are transmitted across generations and how shame effects people. I especially like the fable she use in chapter one to illustrate the giant chameleon and perfect personalities and how they interact in a family. The illustration of Giant and Chameleon on oposite ends of the spectrum and the human being in the healthy middle was very insightful. I also liked the example she gave of how a shaming family handled a dispute between there sons and how a nonshaming healthy family does it.

If you want to dig deep and face some of your inner demons then read this book. It is well researched and Jane uses details of her own personal journey to healing. It is very readable and it gave me insights into some of my hidden hurts. The book has helped me.

Understanding the difference between shame and guilt is essential in a narcissistic culture. Now I am waiting for the second part: what to do in a shameless society where entitlement and a lack of accountability, respect, or personal pride are the benchmarks of "Postmodernism."