Do you ever berate yourself over minor happenings? Do you feel unworthy and wonder why God would love you? Do you struggle to overcome memories of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse? If so, you may be suffering from unhealthy shame—which, if not corrected, can produce bitterness and negativity in your life. From the author of the acclaimed book Listening for God comes the life-transforming book Shame Lifter, based on author Marilyn Hontz's personal story of releasing her own shame and embarking instead on a life of freedom, forgiveness, and truth.
Shame Lifter
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More About the Author
Marilyn Hontz is a popular conference speaker and has been a guest on Focus on the Family's daily radio broadcast. Marilyn is active at Central Wesleyan Church in Holland, Michigan, where her husband, Paul, is senior pastor. She and Paul have five children.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Shame Lifter - Life Changing,
By
This review is from: Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope (Paperback)
This book touched me in a very profound and deeply personal way. I am in a Bible Study and one afternoon the leader asked what the difference between guilt and shame is. It kinda gave me the chills. I had really not heard or thought of the word shame in quite some time. I don't know if it was a word used more when I was growing up, but it brought back the memory of a sentence my mom often used when she was upset with something we had done wrong, saying, "shame on you". It's not something I say to my children or part of my speach. Those words were tucked far away in my head. So I heard "shame" mentioned that afternoon. Days later my contact person from Tyndale House Publishers asked if I would review this book, Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope. Okay, I thought . . . God must have something He wants to teach me.
If you are one who had childhood struggles/abuse, have a hard time accepting compliments, think you cannot measure up to God or not quite good enough, fear being like someone you absolutely do not want to be like and/or battle with addictions or eating disorders, this book is for you. She shares how the "shackles of shame can fall off." The author, Marilyn Hontz, shares her painful childhood, and how it went into her parenting. You might not feel this type of book is for you - you had a perfect childhood, and really do not think you have hurts that need healed, but I found it also helpful in my parenting and the way I see my children interact with each other. The author discusses us either being shame lifters or shame givers. Are we building up others or tearing each other (including ourselves) down. How do our children play and joke with each other. Below are just a few quotes that I underlined in my book that spoke to me . . . "Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing and falling short as a human being." " . . . toxic shame lingers and eventually becomes a part of who you are and what you do and don't do. It paralyzes you so you don't think you can move on." "A shame lifter gives grace to the disgraced." "We deny Jesus every time we disregard His truth and put ourselves down. That hurts us. We deny Him every time we fail to see our value in Him. That hurts us. We deny Him every time we continue to hang on to our self-condemning thoughts and lies. That hurts us too. And then, it's as if Jesus turns and looks straight at us with His eyes of love and compassion, and something dawns on us. We have, in a sense, denied our Lord Jesus, and I wonder if that hurts Him." After each chapter are a series of personal questions, things to contemplate, pray about and work through. This is a book I will come back to read, to see where I have grown, and where I need to continue growing and learning. I encourage you to read Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope for yourself.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Shame Lifter ~ Both Revealing and Helpful,
By
This review is from: Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope (Paperback)
Perfect for : Personal Use
In a nutshell: In Shame Lifter, Marilyn has written a very revealing and helpful book about how to discover the things in your life that have created a feeling of shame, which may result in feelings of inadequacy and fear. Not only does she help you to discover things that have contributed to these feelings, she gives you the tools to help understand how to heal from them! This is a great book to read for yourself, as well as to share with others. Extended Review: I am a perfectionist, and yet I never feel done. My husband would laugh at this statement, as he sees a completely different side of me - the one where I can completely overwhelm myself because I don't think I know what I'm doing, or that there is no way I can do it correctly. As I began to read Shame Lifter, I realized that according to Marilyn's description of a shame-based perspective on life (described in the introduction): I'm always afraid that what I do will not be good enough, that people won't like me, that I will forget to mention something important, etc. While I've always assumed these faults were based on a lack of confidence, the author points out that these are traits of shame. At some point in my life, I must have done something (probably many somethings that added up) that made me feel shame. As I think back, I was never the most popular girl in school, I felt bad if I missed a word during a spelling contest, etc - I think the early years of school can either build you up, or really make you weary. As I continued to read through the book, I found that I could relate in little ways to a lot of the things that Marilyn was sharing. Then I found inspiration and clarity in the questions at the end of each chapter, and the Shame Lifter activities. I think that a lot of being able to change is understanding how we became what we are, and then having a goal of what we want to be - and this book is the perfect companion to accomplish this. I really hadn't given much thought to the things that have sculpted me over the years to create the woman that I am today, I am very proud of some things, and have discovered that I will be even happier if I stop ignoring the fact that the fear of rejection or making a mistake was holding me back from fully experiencing life. Now that I am more aware, I can continue to re-visit some of the chapters that were more relevant to my life and heal by going through the questions and Shame Lifter Activities. I also plan to share this book with some of the people in my life. Content: Marilyn has written a very good introduction that explains how Shame Lifer came about, and what it is. She then has eleven chapters that focus on different things. Then she has a Father's Love Letter (p. 185) where she has shared many inspirational scriptures, and finally there is an appendix section with some really helpful information. Format: In each chapter, Marilyn uses an example from her life to illustrate the main points. (She includes pertinent scriptures throughout the book where appropriate.) Each main chapter ends with a series of questions to help you make discoveries of your own, then a few Shame Lifter activities to help you heal, or allow you to help someone else heal. Finally, there is a prayer at the end of each chapter. Readability: The book was very easy to read and understand. Overall: A wonderfully helpful book for anyone experiencing fear, shame, guilt, etc, or for someone who wants to help others experiencing shame. The book does help you find the truth and change your fears into hope. I plan to share this book with a lot of people in my life. Hopefully some will find comfort and hope, and others will be inspired to help others by becoming Shame Lifters.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent book,
By
This review is from: Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope (Paperback)
Marilyn Hontz explains the sources of shame and how to find freedom by mixing this information into the story of her personal journey from shame to freedom. There are sections at the end of each chapter with questions and scripture to help the reader apply what was learned.
While the book does seem to be somewhat slanted toward a female audience, the information can be used by anyone. The book is easy to read and easy to understand. The points made in the book are in line with what the Bible teaches and are often backed up by specific scriptures. The first half of the book focuses on humans and their behavior--identifying the source of your shame, how your actions can lift shame from others, recognizing a shame-giver and how their words affect you, and how guilt becomes shame. The second half of the book is Christ-focused and teaches on forgiveness, depending on God, discovering the truth of our identity in Christ and how God sees us, and the many ways God brings healing into our lives. (Yes, she tells us various things we can do, but the focus is still on Christ.) I'd highly recommend this book to anyone, even those who don't personally deal with toxic shame. Quite likely, you know someone who is in bondage to shame, and this book can help you know how to help them. Reviewed by ChristFocus Book Club
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