Customer Reviews

Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book touched me in a very profound and deeply personal way. I am in a Bible Study and one afternoon the leader asked what the difference between guilt and shame is. It kinda gave me the chills. I had really not heard or thought of the word shame in quite some time. I don't know if it was a word used more when I was growing up, but it brought back the memory of a sentence my mom often used when she was upset with something we had done wrong, saying, "shame on you". It's not something I say to my children or part of my speach. Those words were tucked far away in my head. So I heard "shame" mentioned that afternoon. Days later my contact person from Tyndale House Publishers asked if I would review this book, Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope. Okay, I thought . . . God must have something He wants to teach me.

If you are one who had childhood struggles/abuse, have a hard time accepting compliments, think you cannot measure up to God or not quite good enough, fear being like someone you absolutely do not want to be like and/or battle with addictions or eating disorders, this book is for you. She shares how the "shackles of shame can fall off." The author, Marilyn Hontz, shares her painful childhood, and how it went into her parenting. You might not feel this type of book is for you - you had a perfect childhood, and really do not think you have hurts that need healed, but I found it also helpful in my parenting and the way I see my children interact with each other. The author discusses us either being shame lifters or shame givers. Are we building up others or tearing each other (including ourselves) down. How do our children play and joke with each other. Below are just a few quotes that I underlined in my book that spoke to me . . .

"Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing and falling short as a human being."

" . . . toxic shame lingers and eventually becomes a part of who you are and what you do and don't do. It paralyzes you so you don't think you can move on."

"A shame lifter gives grace to the disgraced."

"We deny Jesus every time we disregard His truth and put ourselves down. That hurts us. We deny Him every time we fail to see our value in Him. That hurts us. We deny Him every time we continue to hang on to our self-condemning thoughts and lies. That hurts us too. And then, it's as if Jesus turns and looks straight at us with His eyes of love and compassion, and something dawns on us. We have, in a sense, denied our Lord Jesus, and I wonder if that hurts Him."

After each chapter are a series of personal questions, things to contemplate, pray about and work through. This is a book I will come back to read, to see where I have grown, and where I need to continue growing and learning. I encourage you to read Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth, and Hope for yourself.

Perfect for : Personal Use

In a nutshell: In Shame Lifter, Marilyn has written a very revealing and helpful book about how to discover the things in your life that have created a feeling of shame, which may result in feelings of inadequacy and fear. Not only does she help you to discover things that have contributed to these feelings, she gives you the tools to help understand how to heal from them! This is a great book to read for yourself, as well as to share with others.

Extended Review: I am a perfectionist, and yet I never feel done. My husband would laugh at this statement, as he sees a completely different side of me - the one where I can completely overwhelm myself because I don't think I know what I'm doing, or that there is no way I can do it correctly. As I began to read Shame Lifter, I realized that according to Marilyn's description of a shame-based perspective on life (described in the introduction): I'm always afraid that what I do will not be good enough, that people won't like me, that I will forget to mention something important, etc. While I've always assumed these faults were based on a lack of confidence, the author points out that these are traits of shame. At some point in my life, I must have done something (probably many somethings that added up) that made me feel shame. As I think back, I was never the most popular girl in school, I felt bad if I missed a word during a spelling contest, etc - I think the early years of school can either build you up, or really make you weary.

As I continued to read through the book, I found that I could relate in little ways to a lot of the things that Marilyn was sharing. Then I found inspiration and clarity in the questions at the end of each chapter, and the Shame Lifter activities.

I think that a lot of being able to change is understanding how we became what we are, and then having a goal of what we want to be - and this book is the perfect companion to accomplish this. I really hadn't given much thought to the things that have sculpted me over the years to create the woman that I am today, I am very proud of some things, and have discovered that I will be even happier if I stop ignoring the fact that the fear of rejection or making a mistake was holding me back from fully experiencing life.

Now that I am more aware, I can continue to re-visit some of the chapters that were more relevant to my life and heal by going through the questions and Shame Lifter Activities. I also plan to share this book with some of the people in my life.

Content: Marilyn has written a very good introduction that explains how Shame Lifer came about, and what it is. She then has eleven chapters that focus on different things. Then she has a Father's Love Letter (p. 185) where she has shared many inspirational scriptures, and finally there is an appendix section with some really helpful information.

Format: In each chapter, Marilyn uses an example from her life to illustrate the main points. (She includes pertinent scriptures throughout the book where appropriate.) Each main chapter ends with a series of questions to help you make discoveries of your own, then a few Shame Lifter activities to help you heal, or allow you to help someone else heal. Finally, there is a prayer at the end of each chapter.

Readability: The book was very easy to read and understand.

Overall: A wonderfully helpful book for anyone experiencing fear, shame, guilt, etc, or for someone who wants to help others experiencing shame. The book does help you find the truth and change your fears into hope. I plan to share this book with a lot of people in my life. Hopefully some will find comfort and hope, and others will be inspired to help others by becoming Shame Lifters.

Marilyn Hontz explains the sources of shame and how to find freedom by mixing this information into the story of her personal journey from shame to freedom. There are sections at the end of each chapter with questions and scripture to help the reader apply what was learned.

While the book does seem to be somewhat slanted toward a female audience, the information can be used by anyone. The book is easy to read and easy to understand. The points made in the book are in line with what the Bible teaches and are often backed up by specific scriptures.

The first half of the book focuses on humans and their behavior--identifying the source of your shame, how your actions can lift shame from others, recognizing a shame-giver and how their words affect you, and how guilt becomes shame.

The second half of the book is Christ-focused and teaches on forgiveness, depending on God, discovering the truth of our identity in Christ and how God sees us, and the many ways God brings healing into our lives. (Yes, she tells us various things we can do, but the focus is still on Christ.)

I'd highly recommend this book to anyone, even those who don't personally deal with toxic shame. Quite likely, you know someone who is in bondage to shame, and this book can help you know how to help them.


Reviewed by ChristFocus Book Club

Shame Lifter: Replacing Your Fears and Tears with Forgiveness, Truth and Hope
Marilyn Hontz
Tyndale House Publishers
2009
Religion/Christian Life/Spiritual Growth
ISBN: 978-1-4143-1896-7
5 stars

Reviewed by Cindy Loven

Are you a Shame Giver, Shame Receiver, or a Shame Lifter? Author Marilyn Hontz, in this book clearly explains what each of these are, and how to recognize signs in our lives (there is even check lists at the back of the book) She wonderfully presents a interesting book about how we recognize and deal with each of these, in our lives.
Hurting people hurt people. The sooner, we recognize this fact in the people we deal with daily and the people who we interact with in our lives, the better. When we become aware of this it will help us to deal with those people who seem set on hurting us. It will also help us to understand our own hurts in our lives.
Shame is an ongoing self-deficiency disease. Shame is a powerful tool the enemy uses against us, and the deeper he can root our shame, the more ineffective and dysfunctional we will be as family members, as Christians, and as every day people. Marilyn Hontz, helps us with her book to recognize that shame, to deal with it, and to deal with the process of overcoming shame. Each step of overcoming shame has to be dealt with, we can not go through one step faster than the other, because it often means not truly dealing with our shame.
"God thinks of me as a person of value and I need to agree with Him." A quote from the book, but as we deal with our shame and grow in our understanding, we need to recognize this fact, we are not junk, we are not trash, or garbage, as Satan would love for us to believe, we are HEIRS and Royalty of God.
I truly was blessed and enjoyed this book very much. The chapter dealing with grief truly ministered to me, and I give this book a 5 star rating.

A powerful book pulled from deep within the author's past pain, but with a message of hope for others who have also suffered. Along with some practical advice about how to overcome past messges of worthlessness and shame. Much different than the author's previous "Listening for God," but equally helpful for lost and hurting readers.

a non-fiction book that changes me, that takes me on a real-life journey with someone who's walked the road I'm walking---that really is what I tend to hunt for.

And that's what I found in Marilyn Hontz' book, "Shame Lifter". It was worth having just for the gorgeous cover art alone, but I must tell you--I wouldn't have missed this journey with Marilyn for the world.

In her book, "Shame Lifter", Marilyn truly bares her soul, sharing episodes in her life and thoughts from her mind that may shock some, but most likely will make others think "Oh, praise God, I'm NOT alone!"

Marilyn talks about talking with an accent--an accent of shame. She shares how one moment--a compliment, actually--created a break-through for her. How even the thought of writing a book caused shame based thoughts to race through her mind.

I'm SO glad she didn't listen!!

As one who has lived nearly my entire life battling the voice of shame inside my head and my heart, I drank in Marilyn's book like a thirsty sponge. The power of her message will join the ranks of Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" and books like "The Relief of Imperfection" to help Christian women (and even men) blow aways the clouds of shame in their lives.

Marilyn makes the quick distinction between guilt and shame, and talks about how shame can be used to motivate people to change. This isn't the shame Marilyn sets us free from.

The shame she has been held captive by, and the shame I still battle, is a sense of "why am I even breathing air" kind of shame. An over-the-top sense of unworthiness that keeps one bound and unable to serve God in freedom.

Also included in Marilyn's book is 'The Father's Love Letter', used with permission from the original authors, along with some other useful additions to the story she shares with us.

Each chapter concludes with questions, shame lifters, and prayers to guide you in your path to healing and deliverance from unhealthy shame. I cannot recommend Marilyn's book to you enough. This is one I will be buying and handing out to others I know who battle with shame.

Wow! Marilyn's story was so open and honest that it was hard to read at times because I wasn't sure I wanted to suffer the pain and heartbreak that she felt throughout her life. I generally keep a "quote book" beside my reading table so that I can jot down little thoughts and treasures through the quotes I get from books, but there are whole chapters in Shame Lifter that I would have liked to write down! (Chapter 5 especially!) When I first started reading this book, I didn't really think I would fall into the category of having "shame." After all, I'm a pretty cheerful person. But, when you really listen and hear Marilyn's story, there are many places where I could have inserted my name instead of hers. ("Perfectionism" anyone? Yep--that's caused by shame too.)

What I really enjoyed about this book was the frankness and sincerity of Marilyn's words. This is her story--one that many of us may share or mirror with our own lives. The sad part is that many of us may not recognize that we are filled with shame. (Myself included.) This book will make you more aware of your past hurts, but more importantly, give you ways to move beyond those hurts to be set-free of the shame and doubt in your life!

At the end of each chapter there are focus questions, as well as a section that gives ideas for becoming Shame Lifters. There is also a scriptural-based prayer that deals with the subject matter of the previous chapter. At the end of the book is a beautiful Love Letter called Father's Love Letter. (I had seen it before and am SO glad it was included in this book because I think many of us need to be reminded every now and again that we really DO MATTER. That God really does love us--even if we don't live up to our own or someone else's standards.) There are also lists of behaviors that classify people as shame givers and receivers. (You'll have to read the book to find out the actual definitions for those terms.) And, some beautiful letters that were written by Marilyn.

I am actually going to buy several copies of this book for MANY of the women in my life. Even if you are not normally attracted to "this type of book," please read it anyway. I'm certain that there is someone in your life that could use it for themselves. If nothing else, it will help you become more of a Shame Lifter in the lives of people around you.

I was excited to get the chance to read this book - it is dealing with such a huge issue - shame. Marilyn approaches this issue from the heart because she dealt with it her whole life, sometimes not even realizing it. She tells her personal story and it is so interesting and gripping that I read through this book in two days. I wouldn't necessarily recommend doing that, because it is meant to really help you dig deep and work through shame issues you might have. But you need to understand that while I can read a non-fiction book in a day or two, I struggle through most non-fiction books. I didn't struggle here at all. Marilyn's writing is wonderfully light and easy to read, while incredibly engaging. Her story will pull you in while the end of the chapters will help you heal. At the end of each chapter she has 3 things to do...

1) How About You? There are a few questions that get you thinking about whether what Marilyn dealt with in that chapter might be something that you need to deal with too.

2) Shame Lifters. Here Marilyn mentions some things you can do to start working through these issues, practical self-help, along with scripture to lift you up.

3) A Prayer. The chapter ends with a prayer that you can pray that helps pour your heart out to your Heavenly Father.

I can't even begin to tell you the list of people that I want to pass this book onto! It is wonderful! Shame Lifters could change the body of Christ one reader at a time by letting them see themselves as God sees them instead of through the eyeglasses of shame that they usually wear.

Marilyn Hontz's "Shame Lifter" portrays her painful story, the story of how shame affected her life and how she stood up and overcame the fears that were holding her back.

We are all dealing with our own "shame" in one way or another. May it be an eating disorder, depression, abuse, the list can go on and on. Marilyn helps to show us that with God we can do anything, He can help us to lift that shame and live a life of truth. (And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth - Revelation 21:3-4)

This book is very easy to read, I couldn't put it down, a very inspirational read combined with great scripture that fits. It helped me to be able to find some things within myself that I had been shameful about and was having a difficult time letting go. She has inspired me to help others I know who are having a difficult time in their lives by using her book and God's words of hope to help to ease the pain and lift the shame.

As a bonus be sure to check out the "How About You" section at the end of every chapter which includes questions, steps to action, along with ways to lift the shame (The Shame Lifter) you may be dealing with in your life.

"I am a child of the ultimate Shame Lifter, the Lord God Almighty. The shame on me is gone." (p. 179)

What or who is a shame lifter? Marilyn Hontz describes a shame lifter as someone who gives grace to the disgraced. (p. 13) Her book, Shame Lifter, is a beautiful gift of grace for each and every person who has ever felt shame for any reason. Her words are liberally entwined with Scripture as she shares with the reader her deliverance from shame. Although my journey has been much different from the author's, in reading her words I was able to identify the many lies I have believed because of shame over past events. I cannot tell you how healing it was to read her story and realize how completely I am loved by my Heavenly Father! What a blessing!

Shame Lifter is designed to gently bring the reader into freedom from the shame they have in their lives. Whether the shame is from abuse, addictions, family dysfunction, weight issues...whatever it is, God has already crucified our shame on the Cross and offers his resurrection power to us in its place. Marilyn uses the story of her own life as a beautiful example of the healing work that God did throughout her life as she dealt with the loss of mother and a very painful relationship with her father and step mother.

Each chapter of this book flows easily from one idea to the next, and is connected by a series of thought-provoking questions that allow the reader to examine their own life. The author then identifies shame lifters for that particular need, and closes the chapter with prayer that is bathed in Scripture. I know I will be going back over these chapter ends many times - especially the prayers! They are powerful!

As I stated in the beginning of this review, Shame Lifter helped me to identify the effects of shame in my own life. This book also showed me that the Lord has blessed me with many shame lifters along life's way as well, and I am ever so thankful for that! I highly recommend this book to everyone! May each of us be freed from the lies of shame to walk fully in the love of our Father!!