Customer Reviews

Shame: The Underside of Narcissism

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Shame and guilt - often experienced during childhood and early adolescence - are the two relentless drivers of the veering car of pathological narcissism. Narcissistic Shame is the experience of a humiliating Grandiosity Gap (the tormenting abyss between the narcissist's reality and his grandiose fantasies). Subjectively it is experienced as a pervasive feeling of worthlessness (the regulation of self-worth lies at the crux of pathological narcissism), "invisibleness" and ridiculousness. The patient feels pathetic and foolish, deserving of mockery and humiliation. Narcissists adopt all kinds of defences to counter Narcissistic Shame. They develop addictive or impulsive behaviours. They deny, withdraw, rage, engage in the compulsive pursuit of some kind of (unattainable, of course) perfection. They display haughtiness and exhibitionism and so on. All these defences are employed primitively (or are primitive, like splitting) and involve projective identification. This book is the best study there is of the incestuous relationship of narcissism and pernicious shame. Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited".

This book has been one of the most important books in my life, given its role in my ongoing recovery from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Aged 37, I have been undergoing psychotherapy 2-3 times per week for 7 years. Until now, I have been totally split off from any feelings of shame but now fully recognise it as one of the most fundamental drivers of my personality.

This is a thorough overview of all writing on Shame and Narcissism from Freud, to Kohut to the Object Relations crowd. However probably 60% of the material is the author's own, based on decades of treatment of patients and insightful self-reflection. The author points out that Shame is an emotion that has been primarily neglected in psychology and he uncovers the important role it plays in narcissism.

I wish someone would lock this author in a box and make him write more. He is the best writer I have ever come across in making complex academic subjects readily understandable. The vocabulary and language aren't simplified, rather his clarity of thought means each word, sentence and paragraph is clear, unambiguous and illuminating.

It is still definitely an academic book and is thoroughly focused on the topic of the title. If narcissism/shame are of interest this book nails the subject.

My copy is underlined throughout and I benefit from reviewing those parts occasionally.

I have had John Bradshaw's books on Shame for a long time but didn't connect with them.

This is a complete psychoanalytic exploration of the problem of shame by one of the chief experts in the field. This text can be a basic introduction or a thorough review, and as such there is no better.