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It's OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids Paperback – August 2, 2012
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–The Washington Post "On Parenting"
"An insightful, sensible and compassionate book full of downright revolutionary ideas."
"Brilliant. . . . It's OK Not to Share is an enlightening book that will make you take a second look at everything you believe."
"Did you read the title and think, what the heck? Me, too. Not only did I read it to figure out the title, I underlined about a third–it's that good."
–Melissa Taylor, ImaginationSoup.net
"What an amazing book! [Shumaker] challenge[s] the parenting myths and fallacies that our society has embraced for so long."
–Provider Resource Organization
"A breath of fresh air."
–Jane Pratt, founder of xoJane.com
"These 'renegade rules' will resonate with what you know to be true, speak to what you want most for your children, and teach you how to achieve it. Don't let this one slip off your reading list."
–Dr. Becky Bailey, author of Conscious Discipline and Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline
"This beautifully written book. . . provides immediate, sanity-saving answers to tough parenting questions. I highly recommend it."
–Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys and The Good Son
"From 'Bombs, Guns, and Bad Guys Allowed' to '"I Hate You!" Is Nothing Personal,' the table of contents alone is music to my ears. Heather Shumaker is a healthy mom I can relate to–and I'll bet you will too, when you hear out her logic."
–Paula Spencer Scott, author of Momfidence!
"A refreshing change from the usual admonitions. . . Shumaker's Renegade Rules are based on what children really need."
–Lawrence J. Cohen, author of Playful Parenting
"Shumaker beautifully shows us why letting kids be kids may be the single most important thing we can do as parents."
–Anthony T. DeBenedet, M.D. coauthor of The Art of Roughhousing
"A must-read for parents and teachers. This is a book you will want with you all the time."
–Daniel Hodgins, author of Boys: Changing the Classroom, Not the Child
"A no-nonsense commonsense appraoch. . . As you read this book, you will begin to feel the stress of parenting melt away."
–Vivian Kirkfield, PositiveParentalParticipation.com
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Top Customer Reviews
Heather Shumaker has put together 29 "Renegade Rules". The rules provide an unorthodox angle on common parenting issues, and each is based on successful practices in child development centers and homes around the world.
Shumaker is a journalist who had the good fortune to be enrolled as a young child in a preschool that respected the individuality and developmental needs of each child. Her mother was even a teacher there, so the ground rules set forth at school were carried over into her home. It's OK Not to Share cites a multitude of other authors, experts in early childhood development and psychology. I've read a number of these books and value them, so Shumaker's text fit nicely with my overall approach to mothering my son. While many of her assertions were quite familiar to me already, I found in her book a number of very useful specific suggestions for dealing with tricky situations.
"It's OK Not to Share" covers a gamut of early childhood topics. The book discusses a need to revive unstructured, free play for all children. It shows us how to deal with the wild emotions of little ones.Read more ›
The book arrived in my box shortly afterward and I dove in.
I quickly discovered that this book was written for parents of younger children, under the age of 6 - those really formative years. My kids are older than that, but I kept reading anyway. After 8 years of being told that I am a strict, lax, mean, over-nice, lazy, tough, terrible, brilliant, neurotic, crazy, casual parent, it was kind of nice to read a book that told me that for all these years I have been doing everything (mostly) just right. (Which is not to say that any of you have been doing it wrong - read on.)
My approach to parenting is based largely on what I consider "common sense", but what this book has told me is actually Renegade Sense - which explains so very much. I didn't realize that I really was parenting off the rails, but looking back, I see that for most of the fellow parents I know, these rules go against everything their "What to Expect when you have a toddler/preschooler/child" type books have told them.
All of these common sense guidelines, er, Renegade Rules, for parenting stem from one single rule - It's okay if it's not hurting people or property. They also stem from a deep respect for children's play. Something I fully support.
One of the things I like most about Renegade Rules is that Shumaker takes the time to help us take off our "adult lenses" and see the world through a kid's eyes.Read more ›
Here's a few things that are so simple, yet so eye-opening from the book.
- Toddlers and preschoolers need space to be toddlers. Understanding that, and creating space for that will solve a percentage of your problems. That does not mean to give them free reign to run amuck where ever/ when ever they feel like it, but it means you need to create the parameters for them to have that space.
- Crying over taking turns, leaving a friends house, not getting a cookie, whatever the tantrum is about is less about not getting the desired response, and more about not knowing what happens next. This is what has worked magic in my house. Understanding what fuels my 2 year olds crying helps me to prevent that from happening. A simple "L is mad! He wants to play now! We will play first thing in the morning- as soon as you get up. Let's write ourselves a reminder." stops the tantrum before it starts.
- Teaching kids to communicate their own needs is wonderful. I teach at a church. Helping to turn "tattling" into "I didn't like that. Please don't say that to me." is more fabulous than I can put into words.
The ideas are simple, the results are phenomenal.
I've bought this book for a friend, and am planning on purchasing it for many more. Anyone who reads it will have more satisfying relationships with any child in their life.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This book looked very promising. On the surface, I agree tons with this approach to parenting, and I myself free-range and tend to go with my kids, rather than with society. Read morePublished 11 days ago by Matisse
A must for every parent, grandparent and person who shares space with children. The best part for me is the emphasis on a child's view of reality. Read morePublished 8 months ago by DIANE E DELAMER
Amazing resource for those wanted to use positive parenting. The advice is similar to what you'll find with other resources, but this has practical application examples and phrases... Read morePublished 9 months ago by S Reichelt
I love this book and it's general idea of let kids be kids. I read this book at the library and only buy books that I know I will reread and this one makes is worth the buy. Read morePublished 10 months ago by Heather Kelley
Teaching young children to express themselves through dictation is a powerful tool that encourages thoughtful approach to stress and literacy. That's just one chapter. Read morePublished 10 months ago by Kris Ewing