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Attack of Bad Movie Magic: SyFy Scores With One Of The Most Spectacularly Brain Dead Productions Of All Time
on July 12, 2013
5 Stars: For Lovers of Spectacularly Bad Movies (or the woefully inebriated)
1 Stars: For Everyone Else (or anyone remotely sober)
Through the years, I have seen some truly awful original movies produced for the SyFy channel (many of the most ludicrous courtesy of a company that calls itself The Asylum). Truthfully, I revel in these terrible little films hoping that one will transcend the genre and become what I like to refer to as Bad Movie Magic. I must say that with "Sharknado," Syfy and The Asylum have hit an absolute home run in creating a movie so ineptly comical that it must be seen to be believed. I laughed, I cringed, and I delighted in every moment of this epic production. In order to truly appreciate "Sharknado" and its intricate screenplay, you must completely ignore everything you know about weather, sharks, AND Los Angeles. The stupidity (I mean intensity) never relents! Either you are a fan of these types of movies or you're not. But if you are watching a film entitled "Sharknado," I don't want to hear afterwards how dumb you thought it was! What did you expect? It's called "Sharknado!" Everyone, from the executives of SyFy to the filmmakers to the cast and crew, knew what they were making. I'm just surprised they could keep a straight face.
I'm only going to discuss the plot itself in the briefest of terms. A hurricane off the coast of Mexico is pushing up toward the California coast bringing a passel of sharks with it. What kind of sharks? Every kind, of course, and they are all ready to rip any innocent bystander to shreds! As luck would have it, these storms cause a flooding of Los Angeles with sharks swimming through the streets as well as water spouts that ravage the city with sharks literally flying through the air. It's hysterical. One might be tempted to feel sorry for the critters, surely such an anomaly would be killing them. Instead of gasping for breath or succumbing to this traumatic form of transportation, however, these land bound (or midair) sharks only want to kill. Nasty little buggers! In the midst of the escalating catastrophe, the hero (Beverly Hills 91210 Ian Ziering provides the star power, such as it is) races from Santa Monica to Beverly Hills to Van Nuys to reunite his family. When your ex-wife is Tara Reid, though, I say "why bother?"
The movie is punctuated by some truly hilarious scenes. It's hard to pick out just a few favorites. This is just a sample, just a taste:
1) A devastating shark attack on the beach has the extras running back and forth screaming on a perpetual loop.
2) In the very next scene, the bar on the pier is operating as normal. No one is concerned about the dozens of casualties. And one minute before total destruction, patrons are still shooting pool and having fun!
3) A tornado rips apart the Van Nuys airport whisking away planes, but Ziering keeps everyone safe by holding on to a piece of corrugated tin. Right next door, senior citizens are still enjoying a swim in their pool.
4) As part of the thrilling conclusion (don't worry, no spoilers here), the helicopter that might save the day is seen over downtown, the Hollywood Bowl, and Staples Center. All of the action, however, is witnessed by those in Van Nuys. Ziering even shoots a shark over downtown while in the Valley.
5) The ending: An absolute classic and I'll say no more.
But I could go on and on: the school bus, the Hollywood sign, people standing in an underpass, traffic that appears and disappears, scenes in the sun one second and in the rain the next, scenes where everything is flooded and then the water is gone and then it is back. The continual continuity errors are the most charming thing about "Sharknado." Seriously, have some friends over and create a drinking game. Every time the continuity makes no sense, have a shot. Just keep an ambulance ready to service those that get alcohol poisoning. I don't like hyperbole, but in this case I can't resist. "Sharknado" may just be one of the most spectacularly bad movies I have ever seen (and I've seen them all). Whether or not that's a recommendation, I'll let you decide. KGHarris, 7/13.