She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman [Hardcover]

Ian Kerner (Author)

Book Description

Release date: May 25, 2004

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.

Welcome to the world of She Comes First, where the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to Ian Kerner, clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it's coreplay -- simply the best way for leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response.

Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and illustrated step-by-step instructions to ensure success. These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual.

She Comes First exuberantly offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler's infamous line to Scarlett O'Hara, "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"When it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man's native tongue," writes clinical sexologist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. in She Comes First, a straightforward, intimate, and exuberant guide to cunnilingus. Kerner first explored "the oral caress" as a way of compensating for his "sexual inadequacies," and quickly learned that women not only welcomed but often preferred "the way of the tongue," reaching orgasm more consistently than through intercourse. Kerner educates readers about the clitoris, "the powerhouse of pleasure," with 18 parts and 8,000 nerve endings (twice as many as the penis) and describes female sexual response from "foreplay" through "coreplay" to "moreplay." A large part of the book is a graphic, detailed primer on "mouth music," including best positions, step-by-step techniques (illustrated), and tips for tongue and fingers. How long should this last? Until the woman has an orgasm or many, says Kerner, and "melts blissfully before your eyes." "The vast majority of women complain about guys who don't like to do it, don't know how to do it, or simply don't do it nearly enough," writes Kerner. This book will change that. Women: Buy it for your partner! --Joan Price

From Publishers Weekly

Dispelling the widely held myth of genital penetration as the apogee of sexual pleasure, Kerner, who holds a doctorate in clinical sexology, offers this witty, well-researched manual for "consistently leading women to orgasm" through cunnilingus. Loaded with practical anatomical information (the clitoris has 18 distinct parts, and more nerve fibers than any other part of the human body) and graphic line drawings, the book also touches on the less mechanical, more psychological aspects of oral sex, including the three assurances every woman needs from her lover to feel comfortable: (1) "you enjoy it as much as she does"; (2) "there's no rush"; and (3) "Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence." Since studies show the average woman takes about 20 minutes to reach her first orgasm during a typical sex session, while men take a mere four minutes, Kerner advises men to delay their own climax and make oral sex "coreplay" ("the substantive phase in which sexual tension builds, culminates and then releases itself through the female orgasm"), instead of foreplay. Breaking down six stages of coreplay, from the "first kiss" to orgasm, Kerner speaks to both beginners and more seasoned lovers. His candor concerning his own bout with sexual dysfunction adds a compassionate tone and credibility to this decidedly pro-female methodology.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; 1St Edition edition (May 25, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060538252
• ISBN-13: 978-0060538255
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (265 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #75,015 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ian Kerner is a nationally-recognized sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books including the ever-popular She Comes First (Harper Collins). He writes a well known column for CNN and can often be seen on the TODAY Show and the Dr. Oz Show amongst others. He is regularly quoted as an expert in print and online media. Ian is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors (AASECT) and addresses issues that are common to the "American bedroom." He frequently lectures on topics related to human sexuality, with recent appearances at New York University, Yale and Princeton. Ian is the founder of Good in Bed, an online destination that brings together many of the country's leading sex and relationship experts to provide information and advice. Ian was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

(What's this?)

#100 in Books > Self-Help

#100 in Books > Self-Help

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

250 of 262 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Wow! She Does Come First! July 7, 2008

By Jan-Mar

Format:Hardcover

My partner is the original John Wayne - to the core. And for him to read a "how to" book on anything just isn't going to happen. Well, he doesn't have a lot of experience in the art of pleasing a woman...you know, cowboys just get on and ride! Well, somehow, he heard about this book and has it ever made a difference. A difference in everything - our level of intimacy, our happiness, everything we do...we are now closer than ever before...and we're both in our 60's!

He first tried some of the techniques without telling me about the book. Well, it was wonderfully obvious to me that something had changed and for the better.

This past weekend, we sat together in bed and he showed me the book and we read exerpts that he had marked together. How wonderful is that! We've laughed and played and we have loved...and after all these years, I am now coming first - and for the first time! How glorious is that!

Thank you, Dr.Kerner!She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

100 of 110 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Loving Women May 28, 2004

By A Customer

Format:Hardcover

I have always loved the act of pleasing a woman orally, ever since I had my firet experience at age sixteen. When a freind asked me to desribe "it" I described it as a kind of wild, exotic fruit, which was why I was first attracted to Mr. Kerner's book -- the cover; that was it, there on the cover of a book, 20 years later. But the when I opened the book, I was thankful for this coincidence, for Mr. Kerner not only describes the essential parts of a woman's sexual anatomy in great detail, he describes how they work, and how you, your tongue and your lover can team up for a dynamite experience. This book is about love and the senses and all that's brought to bear during sex -- sight, smell, taste, sound, touch -- expecially talk, language, the "grammar" of sex. Ultimately, what makes this book special, raising it head and shoulders above your average "sex manual" is Kerner's ability to focus on the obvious: that communication is the essence of sexual satisfaction, that while you use your fingers and tongue to physically stimulate, it is the combination of ears and tongue, listening to what she wants and needs, and telling her what you want and need, that is the foundation of great sex and great love. This book is a real winner.

364 of 421 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars 'The tongue is mightier than the sword' September 27, 2004

By girldiver

Format:Hardcover

I have a curious mind and always have, so when I came across yet another book about cunnilingus I could not resist. I was especially intrigued when I saw the author was male. `She Comes First' is without a shadow of doubt the best book on the subject today.

I especially loved how he organized his book after Strunk and White's `Elements of Style' so the book is easy to read, easy to follow, and exceptionally helpful in the elements of sexual style and usage. The chapters are short and sweet so if you are in a time crunch you certainly can devour a short chapter at any session.

I cannot exclaim enough how comprehensive this book is on the sexual response of women. The author spends a great deal of time explaining the importance of building sexual tension to bring about pleasure and actually gives step by step instructions to do so.

From the beginner to the experienced enthusiast, there is something in this book for everybody. I was pleasantly surprised by the routines for beginner, intermediate, and advanced sessions. Also the step-by-step guides are an eye opener.

Impeccably written, this book was a joy to read!

girldiver:)

45 of 51 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars My best idea yet January 18, 2007

By Rosemary Barnes

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I love my husband of nine years very much but he just didn't quite get it when it came to right down to it. We had tried countless times with constant coaching on my part but every time we were intimate it was frustrating for both of us. It kills the mood when I'm constantly saying what he needs to do next.

I began my search for help thinking I would buy a "how to please your lady" on DVD. My search on Google lead me to "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" on Amazon's site. The customer reviews were so positive I decided to buy the book myself. The male customers said they liked the book since it was written by a man. The author wrote the book to help other men become masterful at going down on their sweethearts.

It's a perfect book for any man who wants to please his lady. My beloved husband sat down and read the book as soon as I gave it to him. He appreciated the title and so did I. My husband is a very smart man and I know it hurt him to know he wasn't pleasing me like he should.

I want to give a big thank you to Ian Kerner. You've helped my husband so much. He's very confident now when he goes down on me and confidence is sexy. Our love making is now a long, flowing, beautiful experience punctuated only by moans and cries of pleasure.

God Bless you Ian Kerner

80 of 94 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Good information but.... April 9, 2010

By Dennis Green

Format:Paperback

The information in this book concerning the female anatomy, the way a woman climaxes, etc Is very well presented and explained.

Also, the information dispelling rumors and myths about cunnilingus is also well done.

However, the section on techniques is a bit over done for my taste. It would be all too easy for someone performing cunnilingus after reading this book to focus too hard on remembering the techniques and thereby not paying attention to her body language and responses.

I would have preferred it if he had given just a few basic techniques and put more emphasis on how to get your partner to give you feedback and how to better pay attention to her physical responses and act accordingly.