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She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Hardcover – May 25, 2004

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow; 1St Edition edition (May 25, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060538252
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060538255
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (550 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #67,634 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews Review

"When it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man's native tongue," writes clinical sexologist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. in She Comes First, a straightforward, intimate, and exuberant guide to cunnilingus. Kerner first explored "the oral caress" as a way of compensating for his "sexual inadequacies," and quickly learned that women not only welcomed but often preferred "the way of the tongue," reaching orgasm more consistently than through intercourse. Kerner educates readers about the clitoris, "the powerhouse of pleasure," with 18 parts and 8,000 nerve endings (twice as many as the penis) and describes female sexual response from "foreplay" through "coreplay" to "moreplay." A large part of the book is a graphic, detailed primer on "mouth music," including best positions, step-by-step techniques (illustrated), and tips for tongue and fingers. How long should this last? Until the woman has an orgasm or many, says Kerner, and "melts blissfully before your eyes." "The vast majority of women complain about guys who don't like to do it, don't know how to do it, or simply don't do it nearly enough," writes Kerner. This book will change that. Women: Buy it for your partner! --Joan Price

From Publishers Weekly

Dispelling the widely held myth of genital penetration as the apogee of sexual pleasure, Kerner, who holds a doctorate in clinical sexology, offers this witty, well-researched manual for "consistently leading women to orgasm" through cunnilingus. Loaded with practical anatomical information (the clitoris has 18 distinct parts, and more nerve fibers than any other part of the human body) and graphic line drawings, the book also touches on the less mechanical, more psychological aspects of oral sex, including the three assurances every woman needs from her lover to feel comfortable: (1) "you enjoy it as much as she does"; (2) "there's no rush"; and (3) "Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence." Since studies show the average woman takes about 20 minutes to reach her first orgasm during a typical sex session, while men take a mere four minutes, Kerner advises men to delay their own climax and make oral sex "coreplay" ("the substantive phase in which sexual tension builds, culminates and then releases itself through the female orgasm"), instead of foreplay. Breaking down six stages of coreplay, from the "first kiss" to orgasm, Kerner speaks to both beginners and more seasoned lovers. His candor concerning his own bout with sexual dysfunction adds a compassionate tone and credibility to this decidedly pro-female methodology.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Customer Reviews

Great book written by a doctor, very informative!
Amanda Mayer
Obviously reading a book isn't going to teach you everything you need to know about giving good head.
Recommended reading for the man wanting to please his woman.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

443 of 477 people found the following review helpful By Jan-Mar on July 7, 2008
Format: Hardcover
My partner is the original John Wayne - to the core. And for him to read a "how to" book on anything just isn't going to happen. Well, he doesn't have a lot of experience in the art of pleasing a know, cowboys just get on and ride! Well, somehow, he heard about this book and has it ever made a difference. A difference in everything - our level of intimacy, our happiness, everything we do...we are now closer than ever before...and we're both in our 60's!

He first tried some of the techniques without telling me about the book. Well, it was wonderfully obvious to me that something had changed and for the better.

This past weekend, we sat together in bed and he showed me the book and we read exerpts that he had marked together. How wonderful is that! We've laughed and played and we have loved...and after all these years, I am now coming first - and for the first time! How glorious is that!

Thank you, Dr.Kerner!She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
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218 of 258 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 28, 2004
Format: Hardcover
I have always loved the act of pleasing a woman orally, ever since I had my firet experience at age sixteen. When a freind asked me to desribe "it" I described it as a kind of wild, exotic fruit, which was why I was first attracted to Mr. Kerner's book -- the cover; that was it, there on the cover of a book, 20 years later. But the when I opened the book, I was thankful for this coincidence, for Mr. Kerner not only describes the essential parts of a woman's sexual anatomy in great detail, he describes how they work, and how you, your tongue and your lover can team up for a dynamite experience. This book is about love and the senses and all that's brought to bear during sex -- sight, smell, taste, sound, touch -- expecially talk, language, the "grammar" of sex. Ultimately, what makes this book special, raising it head and shoulders above your average "sex manual" is Kerner's ability to focus on the obvious: that communication is the essence of sexual satisfaction, that while you use your fingers and tongue to physically stimulate, it is the combination of ears and tongue, listening to what she wants and needs, and telling her what you want and need, that is the foundation of great sex and great love. This book is a real winner.
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438 of 544 people found the following review helpful By girldiver on September 27, 2004
Format: Hardcover
I have a curious mind and always have, so when I came across yet another book about cunnilingus I could not resist. I was especially intrigued when I saw the author was male. `She Comes First' is without a shadow of doubt the best book on the subject today.

I especially loved how he organized his book after Strunk and White's `Elements of Style' so the book is easy to read, easy to follow, and exceptionally helpful in the elements of sexual style and usage. The chapters are short and sweet so if you are in a time crunch you certainly can devour a short chapter at any session.

I cannot exclaim enough how comprehensive this book is on the sexual response of women. The author spends a great deal of time explaining the importance of building sexual tension to bring about pleasure and actually gives step by step instructions to do so.

From the beginner to the experienced enthusiast, there is something in this book for everybody. I was pleasantly surprised by the routines for beginner, intermediate, and advanced sessions. Also the step-by-step guides are an eye opener.

Impeccably written, this book was a joy to read!

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137 of 170 people found the following review helpful By Tanya Russell on September 12, 2004
Format: Hardcover
Believe it or not, my boyfriend bought this book for me, not the other way around! Because I've always had hangups about my body and even though he's been enthusiastic about wanting to satisfy me with his mouth, I just don't want him to because it makes me feel too vulnerable and I worry about being overweight. I like sex under the blankets with the lights off, and I know a lot of other women feel this way too. And when it comes to oral sex, it's easier for a woman to give than receive I think because of all the hang-ups and the feeling that it takes too long and the guy is getting impatient or doesn't like it. So my boyfriend bought me this book to show me how enthusiastic he is and to show me what he wants to do and after I read a few pages, I couldn't wait it set my mind on fire! It was amazing, and now I want it all the time from him and I keep telling him about different techniques in the book, try this one and that one! It's a whole new approach to sex for me, and I never knew that guys could like it so much! So for any woman who is afraid for some reason of having a guy go down on him or just plain nervous about it, this is a great book to get into the male mind-set and also learn things about your own body that you never knew. The only reason I give it four stars is because the author has now turned me into a sex addict and I can't get enough. Also, it's very one-sided towards pleasuring the woman, and doesn't talk about what a woman can do to a guy and sex shouldn't be so one-sided, even though it's a great side to be on!
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85 of 106 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 1, 2004
Format: Hardcover
I saw the author speak last night at a café in the East Village and he totally rocked! He did live sex therapy advice. It was great, because he's young and cute, not like that grandmother on the Oxygen channel. People in the audience wrote their sex questions down on index cards and then he read the questions out loud to the crowd and answered them. There were so many different questions about sex and relationships and he answered each one with expert experience and he was also very witty too and clear. As a woman who has only been able to experience orgasms through masturbation and also fakes it with her guy, I find the whole philosophy of She Comes First very exciting and liberating. I feel like I can give the book to my boyfriend and maybe he'll get the message without us having to have an uncomfortable conversation - even though Ian really talks about the importance of communication, which is a question that women kept asking about at the workshop: how to get guys to change their sexual approach without upsetting them. I really liked what Ian had to say about getting a guy to use oral sex to get a woman to the point of no return and then transitioning into the woman on top sex position and having multiple orgasms and a simultaneous one together. Reading some of the reviews, it seems like people think he's against sex, but he's really not - he's just trying to make a point about the type of stimulation women like. I'm really looking forward to not having to fake it anymore.
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More About the Author

Ian Kerner, PhD MFT, is a nationally-recognized couples and sex therapist and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books including the ever-popular She Comes First (Harper Collins). He writes a well known column for CNN and can often be seen on the TODAY Show and the Dr. Oz Show amongst others. He is regularly quoted as an expert in print and online media. Ian is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors (AASECT) and addresses issues that are common to the "American bedroom." He frequently lectures on topics related to human sexuality, with recent appearances at New York University, Yale and Princeton. Ian is the founder of Good in Bed, an online destination that brings together many of the country's leading sex and relationship experts to provide information and advice. Ian was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons.