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She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (Nonbiological Lesbian) Motherhood [Paperback]

Amie Klempnauer Miller
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)

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Book Description

March 15, 2011
After ten years of talking about having children, two years of trying (and failing) to conceive, and one shot of donor sperm for her partner, Amie Miller was about to become a mother. Or something like that. Over the next nine months, as her partner became the biological mom-to-be, Miller became . . . what? Mommy’s little helper? A faux dad?
 
As a midwestern, station wagon–driving, stay-at-home mom—and as a nonbiological lesbian mother—Miller both defines and defies the norm. Like new parents everywhere, she wrestled with the anxieties and challenges of first-time parenthood but experienced pregnancy and birth only vicariously. Part love story, part comedy, part quest, Miller’s candid and often humorous memoir is a much-needed cultural roadmap for becoming a parent, even when the usual categories do not fit.

Frequently Bought Together

She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (Nonbiological Lesbian) Motherhood + Confessions of the Other Mother: Non-Biological Lesbian Moms Tell All + Mommy, Mama, and Me
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Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

Choosing parenthood is a complex, daunting journey, with no guarantees except plenty of challenges and surprises. Nonbiological lesbian mom Miller delights in her longtime partner’s pregnancy yet discovers years of expectation and preparation still leave her unready. She is shocked and awed by the delivery, where all is “white and red. The white lights and walls of the surgical room; the red of Jane’s blood” from an unexpected C-section. Once the moms are home with baby Hannah, the nontraditional parents share all-too-common ground with most first-time parents, “thrust in a parallel universe where planning and time are irrelevant . . . our goals have been reduced to the lowest common denominator: run a load of laundry, get Hannah to eat more, try to sleep.” Miller’s distinctly less common fear, that Hannah won’t distinguish between “Mama” and “Mommy,” is triggered when at eight months, the child just babbles instead of venturing a “Ma-ma.” But surprise! Hannah smiles at her and says, “Da-da.” Readers should smile, too, at this sweetly humorous and insightful account of uncommon motherhood. --Whitney Scott --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“[A] sweetly humorous and insightful account of uncommon motherhood.”—Booklist
 
“An introspective work that lays open the inner workings of lesbian parenthood while effectively demystifying parenthood in general.”—Kirkus Reviews
 
“Mothers as well as fathers will recognize themselves in Miller’s brave, poignant, and funny memoir about parenthood. Both unique and universal, Miller’s honest and hopeful voice shines a bright light on the adventures of creating a family in the twenty-first century.”—Jennifer Finney Boylan, author of She’s Not There and I’m Looking Through You
 
“Take one big heart, a heap of talent, and a whole lot of courage and you get Amie Miller’s She Looks Just Like You. Miller is a graceful, witty, compassionate guide along the journey that is lesbian parenting."—Harlyn Aizley, editor of Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All

Product Details

  • Paperback: 248 pages
  • Publisher: Beacon Press (March 15, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0807001511
  • ISBN-13: 978-0807001516
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,098,592 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Amie Klempnauer Miller is a frequent speaker about gay and lesbian families, and her writing has appeared on Salon, in Brain, Child and Greater Good magazines, and elsewhere. Miller works as a development consultant to the public media industry and lives with her partner and daughter in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
(10)
4.5 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Honest and real, but ultimately depressing April 23, 2012
By w
Format:Paperback
As a prospective non-biological lesbian mom, here is what I got from this book: The process of getting pregnant will be stressful and emotional, bringing up lots of doubts and fears. You will feel disconnected from your partner. You will feel left out as the non-biological parent. Then when your child is born, your relationship, which had previously been your rock, will become fraught and troubled.

The author is honest and real about her experience, and that is valuable. If you're looking for a book that will confirm that your struggles aren't unique, then this may be a great book to read. But if you're looking for a book that will comfort you and tell you that being a lesbian, non-biological mom doesn't have to be quite as hard as you've been thinking, then avoid this book. I appreciate the author's honesty, but I wish that she had built in more hope. Simply saying that her daughter is amazing and that she doesn't regret anything didn't quite cut it for me. Maybe I can't understand, as I'm not a mom yet, but as of right now, I wouldn't recommend this book to any prospective parent (lesbian or otherwise).
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Parenthood, A Universal Experience July 5, 2010
Format:Hardcover
Universal truths apply to nontraditional people whether they realize it or not. Amie Miller and her partner, Jane, decide to have a baby together through artificial insemination. While Jane carries the baby Amie keeps a journal of her own involvement with the coming baby, its birth, and early years. Jane, still a nursing mom, returns to work after Hannah is born and Amie becomes the stay-at-home parent. Amie relates her experiences with humor and love for Hannah, but at times seems very self-absorbed, for example when she doesn't understand why Jane is tired at the end of a full day of work and pumping milk for the next day.

It seems that Amie would like us to think that lesbian parenthood is somehow unique but their child-rearing experience seems not all that different from those of traditional male/female parents. Still, it's a good read for new parents and grandparents to help them understand that these struggles apply to everyone.

by Susan M. Andrus
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Witty, genuine story May 17, 2010
By Yvette
Format:Hardcover
I loved this book, it's as simple as that. I found the author's writing very engaging, down to earth and honest: exactly what you'd hope to read, as a fellow lesbian considering launching myself into parenthood. I saw many of my own fears, thoughts and hopes in these pages. I really could relate to it. There were many funny moments that had me laughing and reading the passage out loud to my partner. It's nice to have the point of view of the non-biological mother represented and I definitely want to pass this along to my partner after I'm done.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read!
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has an interest and is open to learn of the challenges the homosexual community struggles with prior, during, and after deciding to have... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Angela Sandok
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it
I loved this book because I could relate to so much of it. maybe, as other as said, it shouldnt be a book you read to "get inspiration" to plan bringing a child into the world,... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Theresa M. Ewadinger
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent!
This is an informative and enjoyable book!! Written from the heart with great details on how things actually go when ttc. Buy it, you'll love it!!
Published 13 months ago by Mumzy
5.0 out of 5 stars I loved this!
This book was a wonderful read! I love autobiographies and had high hopes for this and I was not disappointed! It was well written and well thought out. Read more
Published 18 months ago by T. N. White
3.0 out of 5 stars Lukewarm at best.
I find this author both self-congratulatory and mopey. She pats herself on the back over and over again for being a gay mom. ("I'm just like everyone else, but soooo not. Read more
Published on January 18, 2011 by A. Barclay
5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Book on Motherhood
I loved this book. It reminded me of the time I was pregnant and becoming a stay at home mom. For the stay at home parent it really talks about the feelings and issues of staying... Read more
Published on September 25, 2010 by T. L. Smith
5.0 out of 5 stars A Ravishing Red
Page by page, SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU is an amazing, graceful read, hysterically funny, yet understated, passionate, yet wry. Read more
Published on April 30, 2010 by Marisha Chamberlain
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