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She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband Paperback – February 15, 2007
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Top Customer Reviews
This book is also about love; Helen and Betty's deep love for each other, a love which has held them together at a time when most others would have long ago separated.
The book consists of a preface and a section of notes on language, pronouns and taxonomy, followed by seven chapters and a final note from Betty. Throughout, the author often amplifies a word or phrase by reference to notes on each chapter which are contained at the back of the book. Although the trans reader probably doesn't need to refer to these notes, no doubt other readers will.
When I read a non-fiction book I generally flag what appear to me to be quotable quotes. I usually end up with five or so. When I had finished reading this book I counted twenty-two! If you have read other reviews I have written, you know that I usually include one or two of what I consider to be the most meaningful of them. I am not going to do that here.
One thing for sure, Helen Boyd has a very firm grasp of trans issues. For example in Chapter One, Girl Meets Boy, she says, "But the one thing you learn when you hang out with someone who might be transsexual is that almost nothing is more important than gender; not relationships, not children, not employment, not career goals or financial stability.Read more ›
I really wanted to like this book. I have gender issues and I am not sure where they will end up, and I also have a wife who has her own anxieties about this. Reading the reviews of this book it would be a really good book to educate her (and me) about the trans issue and the ways in which partners are commonly affected by it. Now I don't want her anywhere near it. The book IS educational, and can be quite witty, but is also quite overwhelming, perhaps because so many issues are brought up all at once. The seven chapters promise different facets of this issue (social, biology, our experience, etc), but I struggle to recall how one was different from another. Many issues are covered throughout the book . . . but they are covered as an intertwined theme throughout the entire book instead of one at a time. If the themes were teased apart and presented in separate chapters, it would be far easier to take them onboard instead of constantly wondering what this repetition of "gender is a continuum" is supposed to be telling me that is different to the previous one? and the one before that? If the book fell apart into 3-4 page leaflets, we could get the entire message from any one leaflet
I also take issue, perhaps unfairly, with the usefulness of the text for others. I wanted myself and my partner to read this to gain insight into how being trans and/or TS may affect us and our marriage. I would hazard a guess that we are typical of the target audience, and the major reason for the book. However Helen and Betty's situation is far from typical. They both have hormonal issues that have made it somewhat easier to at least begin this part of their journey, and accept what it says about their own sexualities/genders.Read more ›
Particularly for partners of trans people, Helen's articulation of her experience is a resounding validation of what many partners think and feel in complete isolation. She offers no easy answers, but her ability and willingness to lay herself and her relationship bare is a gift she has given both to the trans community, and to anyone on the gender spectrum attempting a life-long partnership.
A life and a marriage in mid-transition is a difficult thing to capture, but Helen holds the flickering image in her palm gently and opens it to share with us. Anyone will be honored and awed by this intimate view of a relationship, captured by a talented and articulate voice.
Just as important, both her books treat Betty, her partner and her subject, with love, kindness... and as an equal deserving of our respect.
This is a book that goes well alonside with Transgender Rights.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
A really wonderful resource for any person interested in understanding gender.Published 15 days ago by MotherThemis
It was an OK book. I thought Helen goes on a little too much on certain themes. Some of the time it was like she was trying to talk herself into believing what was happening in... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Julie Ann Johnson
A little heady, but I give Boyd credit for her informal study on society's indoctrinated point of view about gender issues in general. Read morePublished 5 months ago by Maisie MacKinnon
good reading material, learn allot from book on how to tell wife your deep secret. how to accept your secret life. got me to accept my cross dressing. Read morePublished 11 months ago by Duane
A great story of understanding that needs to be read by anyone who has any kind of non traditional relationship.Published 22 months ago by thomas meadows
A good guide for anyone wanting to see a supportive (mostly) spouse's view of what going through transition with someone who is transgender is like. Read morePublished on December 14, 2013 by Dana M
I bought this mainly for my partner, but read it first. It is a very good and extremely thoughtful and thought provoking discourse on femininity and gender. Read morePublished on September 6, 2013 by Ms Rachel May
Not only is helen boyd an articulate, intelligent, relatable, funny author of poignant, intense, authentic memoirs about a difficult and challenging subject, she is also a really... Read morePublished on July 29, 2013 by L. Adrien Lawyer
I have nobody in my life that is transgender, nor do I identify as such. I read this book because I have a curiosity with sexuality and gender.
It was interesting. Read more