I read "Shield: A Framework of Self Care for Foster and Adoptive Families." I liked the focus on self-care as it was a refreshing change from the bulk of adoption and foster literature that says you, as the parent, MUST provide for all of the needs of the children at all times - - - unrealistic and potentially could lead to burn out for highly responsive people.
This book instead looks at ways you can support yourself so that you can survive your marriage and show up for the kids who are depending so heavily on you. There are detailed suggestions to meal plan, clear your to do list, enlist help from friends and family, and even hire a housekeeper. The suggestion of getting involved in support groups: groups of other parents who are adopting/fostering to have a group of folks who understand, was particularly timely for me.
The description of triage: that time when the child is placed with you and you can do nothing more than respond to emergencies, was also helpful. Some of my worst personal behavior happened the day that the child was placed with us. I din't realize I was in the emergency room emotionally at that time because it is all so overwhelming. Anyone considering fostering or adopting would benefit from reading that section so that you might put in place, in advance, some support.
However, what was missing for me personally was self-care related to birth family dynamics (we are relative caregivers and the birth family has a lot of social dysfunction), and items for working parents. I am a professional and find work-home balance especially challenging while being a foster/adoptive parent. The daycare where my son attends is not permitted to tell me which of the other children are foster children or adoptive and therefore I don't know how to reach out to other out-of-the home working parents at his preschool about how they handle stresses of foster parenting/adopting. This book gave me some new ideas to pursue and the encouragement to take that next step.
Overall, it was a well written and helpful book. I'm ready to return it or loan it to someone as it was a quick read. Just perfect for after putting my son to bed and before I needed to go myself. Except my husband complained that we didn't get our requisite us time! Oh, there's never enough time for everyone.
