In the United States, about 60 percent of men and 50 percent of women experience, witness, or are affected by a traumatic event in their lifetimes. Many of them (8 percent of men and 20 percent of women) may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—a life-altering anxiety disorder. Once connected mainly with veterans of war, PTSD is now being diagnosed in many situations that cause extreme trauma such as rape, physical attacks or abuse, accidents, terrorist incidents, or natural disasters.
What is not reflected in those statistics are the millions of family and friends who also suffer from the shock wave effects of a loved one's trauma. Feelings—for both trauma survivors and those who love them—can become intense and unpredictable. It is normal to experience fear, anxiety, depression, and a sense of helplessness, but help is available.
Shock Waves is a practical, user-friendly guide for those who love someone whose life has been changed by trauma, whether or not that person has been diagnosed with PTSD. Throughout its pages are the voices of trauma survivors and those affected by a loved one's trauma.
Through her own personal experience, extensive research, advice from mental health professionals, and interviews, Cynthia Orange shows readers how to:
identify what PTSD symptoms look like in "real life"
respond to substance abuse and other co-occurring disorders
Manage their reactions to a loved one's PTSD
Cope with feelings of grief and loss
Find effective professional help
Prevent their children from experiencing secondary trauma
Practice ongoing care for themselves and other family members
Each section of Shock Waves includes questions and exercises to help readers incorporate the book's lessons into their daily lives and interactions with their traumatized loved ones.
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Cynthia Orange has written extensively about addiction and recovery, parenting, and post-traumatic stress disorder. She co-facilitates a caregivers' support group, and she and her husband (a Vietnam combat veteran) often speak to audiences about the effects of trauma and war in their continuing involvement with veterans and veterans' issues. She is an award-winning writer who has published hundreds of articles, columns, and guest editorials in newspapers, magazines, and literary journals. She is the author of several books, and contributed to the popular meditation book, Today's Gift. Her latest book is Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved One's PTSD.
I am Cynthia, daughter of Florence who was a maker of quilts, 80-year-old Internet explorer, and infinitely patient mentor of children. I am granddaughter of Vernie, who taught me how to embroider; great-grand daughter of Nettie Whipple, who dressed up each afternoon to sit at the kitchen window and wait for her secret love from her girlhood days to come and call; great-great-grand daughter of Lucy, about whom I know nothing.
This matrilineal and tribal response is what immediately came to mind when I answered the question "Who are you?" a while back. I look at my hands these days and see the same wrinkled roses in my knuckles that I saw in my grandmother's hands as I held them in mine when she lay dying. I hug the afghan my mother made me tight to my body as if by doing so I can somehow keep her here, alive and warm. These strong women are gone now, but I see them still in my equally strong--yet gentle--daughter and in her sweet twin boys--the grandsons I adore.
I am also a writer, editor, and writing consultant. I've written several books; published over 500 articles, columns and guest editorials in a number of magazines and newspapers throughout the country, and my essays and poetry have appeared in various literary journals. I have been fortunate enough to receive awards for poetry, creative nonfiction, essays, and newspaper articles. When time permits, I teach creative writing at the Loft Literary Center and University of Minnesota. I encourage students to look for metaphor, nuance, and story in the mundane as well as in the magnificent. I believe that writing helps us become more discriminating readers, more astute and artful observers, and more engaged citizens. I know I'm doing my job when students tell me writing is changing the way they view the world.
Since my first girlhood diary, I've used writing as a way to figure things out and connect my internal and external realities. I became a single mother after a divorce in the early 1970s, when my daughter was just three months old, a profound experience that actually launched my writing career. During that time, I wrote the first poem I ever sold, and years later, a line from that early poem--Sing Your Own Song--became the title of book published in 2001. I also began an educational quest when I was a single mom and, although it took me a total of twenty-five years, I now hold Bachelor and Master degrees. Among other writing endeavors, I've been privileged to write for the esteemed Hazelden Foundation for the past 25 years. I also co-authored a book in 1993 called New Life, New Friends with my good friend and mentor Christina Baldwin, and I was one of the authors of a still-popular meditation book for families entitled Today's Gift that was published by Hazelden in 1985.
Although it sounds like a B movie, I met my soul mate, Michael, in 1968 at the top of the Empire State Building when I was visiting New York with two girlfriends from Minnesota, and Michael was there with several of his seminary high-school friends from Ohio. We felt an instant connection, and I came home and announced to my best friend, "I met the man I know I could happily marry." Then he went off to march in the Vietnam War and I marched against it, but our friendship remained unshakable; our correspondence honest and constant. Meanwhile, I married someone else, gave birth to my beautiful daughter, and later divorced. When Michael moved to Minnesota in 1973, we got married. He adopted Jessica, and we became an "official" family. I soon discovered, however, that when I married Michael, I also married Vietnam and the trauma he carried from his combat experience.
My most recent book--Shock Waves--is about our journey and the journeys of others who, like us, have learned to live with the challenges and scars of trauma and the "shock wave" effects of PTSD.
Michael and I feel we have achieved a good balance of living fully in the intimate world of family and friends as well as in the world at large. Our personal experience with war and trauma has strengthened our commitment to working with others who struggle with these issues. I co-facilitate a caregivers' support group, and Michael and I often speak to audiences about the effects of trauma and war in our continuing involvement with veterans and veterans' issues.
I began writing Shock Waves on the eve of our 36th anniversary, and I'm happy to report that our marriage and life together continue to grow richer and stronger, even though the journey has not always been smooth or easy. We are deliriously happy being "Meema and Papa" to our young grandsons, and we cherish the close relationship we have with our daughter and son-in-law. Who could ask for more?
I cried all the way through this book and it was because I had found someone who knew better, then I knew myself, what I had been going through over the last 7 years of my marriage and 10 years of my relationship with my husband. I was so relieved to find someone who knew what I was going through.
I knew my husband had experienced a horrific trauma as a teen but as it was explained to me, while we were dating, it was something that had happened in the past and was resolved. What both myself and my husband didn't realize was that he was suffering from PTSD and that our marriage would be a big trigger for him to spiral downward, continue to develop poor coping skills which, as Cynthia describes, was spilling into my and my family's life. Cynthia Orange's book affirmed my experiences and my love for my husband, who is mostly loving, thoughtful, kind and a wonderful father. I especially appreciated the section on children and how to work them into this love equation since now we have a 4 year old and a 19 month old (both additional triggers to increase my husbands distress). My husband is now in therapy towards recovery from his PTSD and I hold my Shockwave book as a tool to help me also move hand in hand with him. This is a must own book; espeically if you are someone loving someone who has developed PTSD from something other than war. This book covers all forms of PTSD and is a wonderful resource for those lovers who find more veteran related PTSD help then not- the websources and book references alone are worth the price of this book!
I was really moved by this book. We don't have family members with PTSD but have friends that do. I probably was more curious than anything, while wanting to be a good friend.
I found much more than I expected. There is much that we all can learn from this book. In our family severe depression has been an unwelcome visitor. Finding the balance to be supportive and helpful, while not making it worse is painfully challenging. I also found it crucial to remember to take care of myself in order to be helpful to my loved ones in depression. For me that may be the most difficult, guilt-ladened task. I needed this book more than I knew.
Cynthia's new book is so needed in this time we find ourselves in. Fighting two wars, a global economic recession, people are hurting and they need help. She has taken a topic that can be taboo and made it a topic we can learn to not only live with but to survive with. I recommend this to anyone who is supporting a loved one who is hurting. It will open your mind and your heart.
