Don't Shoot! I'm Coming Out ~ How to "Man-Up" & Set Heterosexuals "Straight" [Hardcover]

Benn Setfrey (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 2006

Benn Setfrey turns the tables and puts the Black community "on notice" for the sinful, often fatal atrocities that are perpetrated against homosexuals in his new book "DON'T SHOOT! I'm Coming Out ~ How to Man Up & Set Heterosexuals Straight." Setfrey, who has lived a very private life, risks public persecution by "coming out" to bring you his personal story of love, betrayal, discrimination, and damnation.

In his witty and thought-provoking style, Setfrey confronts the hypocrites, who sit in church every Sunday professing to be 'saved' while simultaneously condemning every gay man to hell. DON'T SHOOT! I'm Coming Out includes a one-of-a-kind guide for gay men and men who feel trapped in the closet. The guide is not about "coming out" or being on the down-low. The book is designed so that young men can experience an awakening and self-discovery. Setfrey says, "You can’t BE who you are until you KNOW who you are."

Who will young men turn to for guidance when their fathers turn their backs? We, according to Setfrey, have no world famous, MACHO, openly gay role models and no rule book to follow, but now that’s all about to change.

Additionally, he tells couples and singles who want to experience long term relationships how to make their relationship last forever; how to know if you've found Mr. Right; and how to become Mr. Right.

He shares the secrets of his very private relationship, which has lasted nearly a decade. Until now, no man has ever been bold enough to step to the forefront to offer candid relationship advice to the unrepresented group of invisible men.

People of all sexual orientations will identify with this soon to be best seller. Anyone who knows someone who is gay will enjoy examining the anti-gay world through the eyes of author Benn Setfrey.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A powerful, revealing and strong read that's long overdue" -- David Kopay, 1st NFL Player to annouce his homosexuality

From the Publisher

"Benn Setfrey's book, "DON'T SHOOT!," touched my soul unlike any other book I've ever read. As a 30-year-old black gay man, I've read many books -- fiction and non-fiction -- written by gay authors who have attempted to strike a cord, but often their books miss the mark.

Benn Setfrey's book hits home because he's willing to reveal his own struggles and he shares with us some of life's lessons he's learned along the way. I'm not willing to honor someone's criticism unless I feel a connection to the source. Benn allows us to connect with him through his personal experiences.

It's amazing to me how we as black gay men go about our own individual lives, either afraid or unwilling to share what bonds us together. Our collective experiences growing up in a world that teaches us loving another man is wrong, is such a strong connection. Unfortunately, many black gay men have bought the hype as we continue to further alienate ourselves from each other.

Tops. Bottoms. Fem. DL. Masculine. Queen. Sure, these are labels, but they have also become the terms that have seeped into the mindset of gay black men and identify who we are. But are those labels all we are? Benn challenges us to go beyond the terms and get at the core of who we are as men. I repeat, MEN.

Many of us have lived parallel lives, yet we are again afraid or unwilling to openly discuss what ultimately is a common bond. In DON'T SHOOT! Benn challenges those notions and causes us to look at ourselves in a way we many of us have not have looked at ourselves before.

• What does it mean to be a gay black man in America?
• What responsibility does the older generation have to lead the younger generation?
• How do you find your soul mate?

I wonder what my life would have been like had I read Benn's book in my teens or twenties? Would I have continued to search for love in all the wrong places? Would I have been empowered to challenge my family's Biblical attacks? Ultimately, I believe the book landed in my hands at the right time."

Jonathan, Chicago, IL

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: PageTurner Publishing; 1 edition (May 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0977428249
• ISBN-13: 978-0977428243
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #9,659,836 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars DON'T SHOOT! I'm Coming Out ~ How to "Man-Up" & Set "Heterosexuals "Straight", February 27, 2006

By 

Jonathan (Chicago) - See all my reviews

This review is from: DON'T SHOOT! I'm Coming Out ~ How to "Man-Up" and Set Heterosexuals "Straight" (Paperback)

Benn Setfrey's book, "Don't Shoot," touched my soul unlike any other book I've ever read. As a 30-year-old black gay man, I've read many books -- fiction and non-fiction -- written by gay authors who have attempted to strike a cord, but often their books miss the mark.

Benn Setfrey's book hits home because he's willing to reveal his own struggles and he shares with us some of life's lessons he's learned along the way. I'm not willing to honor someone's criticism unless I feel a connection to the source. Benn allows us to connect with him through his personal experiences.

It's amazing to me how we as black gay men go about our own individual lives, either afraid or unwilling to share what bonds us together. Our collective experiences growing up in a world that teaches us loving another man is wrong, is such a strong connection. Unfortunately, many black gay men have bought the hype as we continue to further alienate ourselves from each other.

Tops. Bottoms. Fem. DL. Masculine. Queen. Sure, these are labels, but they have also become the terms that have seeped into the mindset of gay black men and identify who we are. But are those labels all we are? Benn challenges us to go beyond the terms and get at the core of who we are as men. I repeat, MEN.

Many of us have lived parallel lives, yet we are again afraid or unwilling to openly discuss what ultimately is a common bond. In Don't Shoot, Benn challenges those notions and causes us to look at ourselves in a way we many of us have not have looked at ourselves before.

What does it mean to be a gay black man in America? What responsibility does the older generation have to lead the younger generation? How do you find your soul mate?

I wonder what my life would have been like had I read Benn's book in my teens or twenties? Would I have continued to search for love in all the wrong places? Would I have been empowered to challenge my family's Biblical attacks? Ultimately, I believe the book landed in my hands at the right time.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fabulous, March 4, 2006

By 

IzRead (WI) - See all my reviews

This review is from: DON'T SHOOT! I'm Coming Out ~ How to "Man-Up" and Set Heterosexuals "Straight" (Paperback)

I read the book, and it was informative and enlightening. I am a heterosexual female, but I could still relate to the topics in the book (ie, Rules of Engagement). My favorite Chapters are Low Down on the Down Low and Judgement Day. I feel that this book will really help teens and adults who may be struggling and juggling their sexuality. Teens who are "Coming Out" should really read this book to gain knowledge, to know that they are NORMAL and not to let others decide their fate. This is a must read for 2006. The author was/is educated, witty, and entertaining all at the same time.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Not just for homosexuals, February 21, 2006

By 

Rhonda Swan "The Wordzlady" (Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: DON'T SHOOT! I'm Coming Out ~ How to "Man-Up" and Set Heterosexuals "Straight" (Paperback)

Don't Shoot will make you laugh out loud and it also will pull at your heart strings as the author tells you his story of living life as a black gay man who was afraid his "secret" would destroy his teaching career. Setfrey tells you how he overcame that fear and is now calling on the black community in general and the black church specifically to stop the madness that is homophobia. He also challenges gay men to Man-Up and defy the effeminate stereotypes of gay men we see everywhere in pop culture. Don't Shoot goes beyond the hysteria and the hype of the down low and takes on the contradictions in the Bible that Christians use to justify their oppression of homosexuals. His writing style is both humorous and in your face, but if you can handle the truth, you will definitely enjoy it! This book is a must read.