Customer Reviews

Don't Shoot! I'm Coming Out ~ How to "Man-Up" & Set Heterosexuals "Straight"

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Benn Setfrey's book, "Don't Shoot," touched my soul unlike any other book I've ever read. As a 30-year-old black gay man, I've read many books -- fiction and non-fiction -- written by gay authors who have attempted to strike a cord, but often their books miss the mark.

Benn Setfrey's book hits home because he's willing to reveal his own struggles and he shares with us some of life's lessons he's learned along the way. I'm not willing to honor someone's criticism unless I feel a connection to the source. Benn allows us to connect with him through his personal experiences.

It's amazing to me how we as black gay men go about our own individual lives, either afraid or unwilling to share what bonds us together. Our collective experiences growing up in a world that teaches us loving another man is wrong, is such a strong connection. Unfortunately, many black gay men have bought the hype as we continue to further alienate ourselves from each other.

Tops. Bottoms. Fem. DL. Masculine. Queen. Sure, these are labels, but they have also become the terms that have seeped into the mindset of gay black men and identify who we are. But are those labels all we are? Benn challenges us to go beyond the terms and get at the core of who we are as men. I repeat, MEN.

Many of us have lived parallel lives, yet we are again afraid or unwilling to openly discuss what ultimately is a common bond. In Don't Shoot, Benn challenges those notions and causes us to look at ourselves in a way we many of us have not have looked at ourselves before.

What does it mean to be a gay black man in America? What responsibility does the older generation have to lead the younger generation? How do you find your soul mate?

I wonder what my life would have been like had I read Benn's book in my teens or twenties? Would I have continued to search for love in all the wrong places? Would I have been empowered to challenge my family's Biblical attacks? Ultimately, I believe the book landed in my hands at the right time.

I read the book, and it was informative and enlightening. I am a heterosexual female, but I could still relate to the topics in the book (ie, Rules of Engagement). My favorite Chapters are Low Down on the Down Low and Judgement Day. I feel that this book will really help teens and adults who may be struggling and juggling their sexuality. Teens who are "Coming Out" should really read this book to gain knowledge, to know that they are NORMAL and not to let others decide their fate. This is a must read for 2006. The author was/is educated, witty, and entertaining all at the same time.

Don't Shoot will make you laugh out loud and it also will pull at your heart strings as the author tells you his story of living life as a black gay man who was afraid his "secret" would destroy his teaching career. Setfrey tells you how he overcame that fear and is now calling on the black community in general and the black church specifically to stop the madness that is homophobia. He also challenges gay men to Man-Up and defy the effeminate stereotypes of gay men we see everywhere in pop culture. Don't Shoot goes beyond the hysteria and the hype of the down low and takes on the contradictions in the Bible that Christians use to justify their oppression of homosexuals. His writing style is both humorous and in your face, but if you can handle the truth, you will definitely enjoy it! This book is a must read.

I had serious reservations about reading the book because I'm a heterosexual, Christian female. I was wondering how the author was going to set me straight. Needless to say, my curiosity got the best of me so I decided to read the book. I not only found it extremely interesting, but it had me laughing out loud. The author's sense of humor was outstanding (especially the "Sex Education chapter" which included Ms. Phattas and Ms. Knapps)! Furthermore, Benn Setfrey has a common sense approach to real life situations and he speaks from the heart. It is definitely a "Must Read" for all regardless of race, sex, class, age or sexual orientation.

After reading Benn's book, I am much more aware of what young gay children are going through at the hands of our churches, the society at large, and (God forbids) at home! As an African American woman, I have endured oppression as long as I can remember by our society, our church, and our men. I have been too busy thinking about my own pain to give much thought to the pain of our young (and old) gay persons in our society. Many of us believe that homosexuals choose to be gay,but that race and gender is not a choice, so in effect, gay people bring their pain upon themselves. Benn straightens us all out here and gives us a lot to think about when he tells us, Living gay is a choice, but "Being gay" is not a choice. Benn you have opened my eyes, ears and heart with your very provocative book. This book is a "must read" for all of us, gay, straight, old and young alike, but more importantly, for parents who are ignorant as I was, to many of the challenges that young gay people are up against on a daily basis brought on by the forces in our society that we whole dear, i.e. church, family, community and our government.

I was hesitant to begin this book for fear of what I would learn. Once I began, I could not put it down. I finished it in ONE day !! It is definitely a positive conversation piece and an eye-opener to all closed eyes, or shall I say peekers into understanding homosexuality. Thank you Ben Setfrey for enlightening me and best wishes to you and your Mr. Right.

There are some good points and important insights in this book, but I can't recommend it. The author (who is bisexual, not Gay) has good intentions, but all too often, his ego and ghetto-fabulous lingo trip him up. For a guy who used to be a teacher, Mr. Setfrey's grammar leaves something to be desired. "Ebonics" or Black English doesn't have to sound ignorant! I didn't like his casual use of the word "homo", either. My biggest objection is to his comments about the Black women who have been attracted to him. Yes, those women were homophobic, but they didn't deserve to become the butt of crass jokes. Tearing other people down to build yourself up, that's not the answer.

I was gifted this book by a relative of the author. Benn Setfrey thank you for the autographed copy. I am a female heterosexual christian. I found this book to be enlightening, thought-provoking, well written, and down right outstanding. I thoroughly enjoyed the author's sense of humor. This book should be read by everyone, gay, bi, or straight. One of my favorite chapters was "Judgment Day." Now this might sound a little strange, but I totally loved "Appendix B, Letter to Dr. Laura."

I got this book from BENN over the weekend and started to read it when I got home. I couldn't put it down! It was well-written and REAL. I have had the pleasure of knowing BENN personally and he is as real as his book. (talk about a great voice!!) I would recommend this book to anyone contemplating advice from the "nay-sayers". B- - keep up the good work!

Love ya!

Steph

just finished reading this great book a long overdue read for me and I enjoyed it and it spoke to what I have always thought. Some of it would be political incorrect to say but to me it is what I have felt about being a sissy and how we need to man up in more ways than one. It has been a thorn in my side to see these young men and older men to diss their masculinity and/or let their orientation hold them back. I have to admit that it almost got me because I worked and played with some of these brothers and eventually took on some of their mannerisms. I had to remove myself out of this environment to regain me, reclaim the masculinity I was slowly loosing and redefine my spirituality. I'm not dissing fem men or some of the peeps I hanged with in the past. I just know that wasn't me; fem was not right for me but I took some of it on to fit in and yes it was fun sometimes but it wasn't me. I see a lot of other brothers like me who have done it too we came out just being our natural masculine self but then twist it up a bit to fit in but that's neither here nor there now. I said I had to redefine my spirituality too because I was once one of those brothers who would sit up in church knowing what was coming out of that preachers mouth was wrong and just let what he said beat up my spirit and my self esteem all the while saying amen. Today that has changed and not only since I learn the truth that matched what my spirit was trying to tell me have been a blessing to me but to others who I come in contact with. I feel Mr. Setfrey and I are kindred spirits in a sense because I feel we share the same views on masculinity, sexuality, and spirituality. As a matter of fact the book he wrote is one I had hope to have written but it is a blessing he has put it out and given our young brothas like us and younger and older a chance to find a book that can speak to them and give them some guidance. Thanks Benn for a well written book that is informative and entertaining it was a confirmation for me and a blessing. I'm a grad student now and working on my own business.

Mike, 37

Philadelphia