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on January 7, 2011
I still pine for the day when Wicket W. Warrick releases his memoirs of the Battle of Endor, but until then, we'll just have to settle for this excellent translation. It's one of the cleanest in the English language, where the grunts and vernacular of the vertically challenged and girth enhanced Ewok Snooki come across in all their simplicity. Though demonstrating a remarkable paucity of thought, we're endeared of this member of the species, and look forward to more as she gains her voice and hopefully develops a slightly higher IQ. Kudos to her translator, but it's unfortunate that the editor had such a dull source. It's entertaining, momentarily, to have exposure to the Ewok's earth culture of drinking, whoring, and tanning, but that wears out quickly and we're left with a book that is the 2011 version of Jessica Simpson's wedding planning guide.
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on February 13, 2011
I was honestly surprised when my internal organs began to hemorrhage and fail in cascading fashion as I read the following passage from 'A Shore Thing.' "Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I rallied as best I could and continued to read, but my wife called 911 when she found me unconscious on the floor and my finger on this homage to internal bleeding. "Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla. Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

Somebody please call the CDC. Lethal damage awaits anyone who reads much more of's not a book so I'm not exactly sure what to call it. The definition of Weapons of Mass Destruction takes a new and unexpected twist.
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on January 10, 2011
I use to be Harvard inglish profeser. I reed this bok and now forgot how spel and use inglish.
Plot was nyce, had good story and hot chicks.
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on April 16, 2011
This isnt the softest toilet tissue but it does the job, it costs a bit more than regular toilet tissue but it lasts a bit longer.
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on January 6, 2011
This is by far the best assisted suicide novel I have ever read. I was literally cutting my wrists as every page was turned. Bravo Snooki!!
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on March 26, 2011
I had my doubts about Nicole Polizzi being able to pull off a readable novel, but since I was actually pleasantly surprised by Lauren Conrad's "LA Candy" books and wound up enjoying them, I decided to give "A Shore Thing" a chance and began reading with an open mind.

Unfortunately, my optimism lasted only until I hit the first word of dialogue on page 2 and discovered it isn't even an actual word, but "Waa!" As in, "'Waa!' she whined at her reflection."

I kept trying, but it only got worse. I couldn't tell the two female main characters apart - one of them was an unabashedly, unashamedly, blatantly, not even disguised Ms. Polizzi, I knew, but I could never remember whether she was calling herself Gia or Bella. The "plot" was probably supposed to be humorous and enteraining, with all the situations the characters got into in a supposedly "oh, those crazy kids!" way, but the whole thing was clearly a wild daydream Ms. Polizzi had of herself being so cute and loveable and fun that everyone thought she was fantastic and brilliant and oh-so-wise, so it was hard to really even buy it, let alone enjoy it. And we won't even get into the lack of mechanical writing skills.

This is a really, really bad book.
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on January 9, 2011
This book---and I use the word loosely---once again proves what I've been telling people, ever since the television program first aired. "You don't believe in evolution? Just watch ten seconds of any episode---or read the first page of this terrible piece of moronic trash. And then tell me that Neanderthals don't still walk among us!"

This book is an insult to anyone with a three digit IQ. It was obviously written in crayon on blue-lined notebook paper.

The author writes: "A fart slipped out." Yep, this is literature, alright. Hemingway would be proud.
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on January 22, 2011
Abandon all hope all ye who enter here!

In the annuls (no, that's not a misspelling) of classic literature, this tome is a standout. Had it existed at the time of his writing, I've little doubt Dante would have added another whole circle of Hell, circumnavigating its intricate workings.

Literature is by definition, simply that which can be read. Not a whole lot is required to meet that basic definition. Yet this book somehow manages to avoid it. Even though with some effort one can probably mouth the words that the letters on the various pages form, it is still a far cry from being readable.

Okay. okay. I have to admit I only read the cover, and what amounts to some excerpts. Not a lot of excerpts. Just a few. Not real long ones either. It was enough to inoculate me. I could not actually read the whole thing, or even a major portion of it. That's okay, because from what I could tell, everything it actually has to say is pretty-much covered on the cover and fly-leafs.

I am truly saddened to think there are authors who have not been and never will be published, who have spent lifetimes dedicating the totality of their being to their art. Yet this book is currently # 24 on the NYT best seller list. America... you are lost.
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on November 19, 2011
As a door stop, it lacks heft.
As a smoking adjunct, the paper lacks pliability.
As bird cage liner material, it doesn't lay flat.
As fish wrappers, it lacks breadth.
As an accessory to self-abuse, it lacks absorbency.
As compost, it's toxic.
As a weapon, it lacks a reliable grip.
As a comedy, it's too tragic.
As a tragedy, it's too pathetic.
As a book, the hardcover edition is 304 pages too long.
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on September 7, 2011
After thoroughly discussing the greatness of this novel with my esteemed fellow literary critic Ms. Laura Elkins, I felt compelled to write my own review. Snooki's debut novel is an oeuvre d'art, one that outshines all of the former greats such as Shakespeare, Melville, Austen, or Pamela Anderson. Snooki's debut novel has it all! A coming of age tale filled with romance, love, friendship and enlightenment, as Mountain Man wisely pointed out. Not since Angelo Buono and Kenneth Bianchi have two Italian cousins contributed so much. I mean, there was so much going on here. Not since Sophie Zawistowski of Stryon's novel 'Sophie's Choice' has a character had to make such a difficult life-changing decision as did Bella, who had to choose between Newberry or Troublino. The reader truly feels her pain as she struggles with this. Quite profound. There is such moral didacticism in this tale. Gia rescues a shark on the beach, which can be compared to how Huck Finn rescues his pal Jim from slavery in Mark Twain's 'The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn'. This teaches the reader the importance of helping fellow man and other creatures. I mean, Gia is so selfless and philanthropic. Here Snooki is channeling her inner self, and showing how much she contributes to society by engaging in heavy drinking and multiple hook-ups. I mean, Mia Farrow can stand to learn a lot from Snooki! What has Ms. Farrow done, apart from adopting third-world infants and travelling to Africa to help feed the poor? Snooki has taught us all. You best hurry and order a copy! Amazon says copies are limited! You wouldn't want your neighbours and friends to think you have not had the pleasure of reading 'A Shore Thing', would you? I mean, with the meaningful dialogue in this novel, you'll be a hit at cocktail parties!

Is there a typo in the Title? There should be a 'W' where an 'S' is.
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