Should We Stay Together? [Paperback]

Jeffry H. Larson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 2000

The fact is, some couples need more time to mature, some need to work through specific issues, and some should never be together. But how do you know? What factors add up to success-or failure-in a relationship? Author Jeffry Larson knows; in fact, he knows a lot about what predicts a happy marriage. Based on Larson's twenty-plus years of research and experience in marriage and family therapy, Should We Stay Together?debunks many time-honored myths as it provides couples with the tools they need to make better decisions and thoroughly explore every aspect of their relationship. From individual characteristics, idiosyncratic family histories, unresolved conflicts and needs, and combined strengths and weaknesses, this step-by-step scientific method for relationship evaluation-based on the highly accurate RELATE premarital assessment questionnaire-will help couples understand the specific traits that predict a satisfying-or disastrous-relationship.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Falling in love is the easy part; finding a truly compatible mate takes know-how. Drawing from a 10-year study of premarital characteristics that predict later marital satisfaction, author Jeffry H. Larson presents an excellent resource for couples considering marriage. Opening chapters debunk the many myths associated with happy relationships, everything from searching for soul mates to obeying the whims of the heart. Larson points to three key factors that affect all partnerships: contexts (each person's background), individual traits, and couple traits; he then shows how similarities and differences in each category lead to success or failure in marriage. By far the most intriguing aspect of this combination textbook and workbook is its series of checklists, discussion questions, and short tests designed for assessing one's relationship. Working alone or with their partners, readers can rather quickly determine the potential long-term satisfaction of their current relationships, based on the 24 key characteristics outlined in Larson's Relationship Evaluation (RELATE) questionnaire. Brief questions regarding similarity of values, communication skills, and conflict response patterns receive points that correspond to an evaluation scale. Larson concludes each exercise with plenty of clear, descriptive support material so participants can better interpret their test scores. For those who uncover a few bumps in their RELATE triangle, a final chapter offers an abundance of self-help and couples' therapy books, tapes, and workshops. --Liane Thomas

Review

"Here's your chance to learn more about the potential of your relationship. With this book, you'll learn about the things that put marriages-maybe yours-at risk and more importantly, what areas you need to focus on to build a lasting and happy relationship. With its strong basis in marital research, I highly recommAnd this book for those wanting to make a solid investment in their future together." --Scott Stanley, coauthor, Fighting for Your Marriage

"This book should be made available in every high school, church, and public library." --Diane Solee, director, Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education

"This book is based on the best of what is known about predicting marital satisfaction. Its style and content are unique and directly applicable to couples." --Bob Stahmann, author, Premarital and Remarital Counseling

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (May 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0787951447
• ISBN-13: 978-0787951443
• Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 6.8 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #110,263 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

34 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Finally - a useful book on relationships!, July 25, 2000

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Should We Stay Together? (Paperback)

This is an amazingly easy to read book - it also provides analytical, well researched information on a problem that a lot of us struggle with - finding the right spouse.

I personally don't read many self-help books and get turned off by test-your-relationship quizzes, but surprisingly this book does a very good job of putting across well researched ideas about premarital indications for a good marriage. It seems to be based on solid research done by social scientists. I like the way the author potrays the book as the "Consumer Reports" for marriage preparation.

The part I liked best was the explanation of myths about marriage -some of them were common sense, but others were interesting revelations that can potentially help you see hidden shades of your relationship.

On the flip side, maybe there were too many quizzes and the author seems to make a big deal about premarital counselling, seeking the experts, etc. But, for a book on relationships, Jeffrey Larson provides a lot of useful information that one could use to choose a better spouse.

Overall, for those of us that like to give ourselves a better than even chance at a successful marriage - this is a $20 well spent.

36 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Who Doesn't Know This Stuff, Already?, August 21, 2000

By 

"brinaf" (San Diego, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Should We Stay Together? (Paperback)

I found this book to be easy reading. Most of the research discussed comes as little surprise. It is quite obvious to this reader that disagreements over key issues such as whether or not to have children, the wife's role in the marriage, premarital sex, and so on, would be a compelling arguement not to get married. I found myself skipping over many of the tests because my partner and I have already discussed the issues presented and I didn't need to know where he stood on them or vice versa.

Anyone who would have the good sense to question whether or not they should make a lifetime committment to their partner would have the common sense to know that the issues brought forth in this book are important. For everyone else - the folks who marry with their eyes closed - this book would definately be a good guide.

This book is a worthwhile read if you have trouble broaching personal issues with your mate. Many of the subjects discussed could be considered controversial in some relationships. My boyfriend, an easy-going guy with an open minded approach to our relationship, thought the idea of cosmo-like tests to see if we were meant for eachother was a little lame. He played along :)

19 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Great book for Gen Xers in love, August 3, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Should We Stay Together? (Paperback)

This is an excellent book for those ready to take the premature plunge under the age of 30. However, those of us over 30 may not find his advice applicable (i.e. At 38, it's difficult to find individuals that have NOT had multiple sex partners.)

An easy read, this book focuses on the many issues that should be dealt with before making a life altering decision. I would highly recommend this to my younger brother.