Customer Reviews

Should We Stay Together?

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This is an amazingly easy to read book - it also provides analytical, well researched information on a problem that a lot of us struggle with - finding the right spouse.

I personally don't read many self-help books and get turned off by test-your-relationship quizzes, but surprisingly this book does a very good job of putting across well researched ideas about premarital indications for a good marriage. It seems to be based on solid research done by social scientists. I like the way the author potrays the book as the "Consumer Reports" for marriage preparation.

The part I liked best was the explanation of myths about marriage -some of them were common sense, but others were interesting revelations that can potentially help you see hidden shades of your relationship.

On the flip side, maybe there were too many quizzes and the author seems to make a big deal about premarital counselling, seeking the experts, etc. But, for a book on relationships, Jeffrey Larson provides a lot of useful information that one could use to choose a better spouse.

Overall, for those of us that like to give ourselves a better than even chance at a successful marriage - this is a $20 well spent.

I found this book to be easy reading. Most of the research discussed comes as little surprise. It is quite obvious to this reader that disagreements over key issues such as whether or not to have children, the wife's role in the marriage, premarital sex, and so on, would be a compelling arguement not to get married. I found myself skipping over many of the tests because my partner and I have already discussed the issues presented and I didn't need to know where he stood on them or vice versa.

Anyone who would have the good sense to question whether or not they should make a lifetime committment to their partner would have the common sense to know that the issues brought forth in this book are important. For everyone else - the folks who marry with their eyes closed - this book would definately be a good guide.

This book is a worthwhile read if you have trouble broaching personal issues with your mate. Many of the subjects discussed could be considered controversial in some relationships. My boyfriend, an easy-going guy with an open minded approach to our relationship, thought the idea of cosmo-like tests to see if we were meant for eachother was a little lame. He played along :)

This is an excellent book for those ready to take the premature plunge under the age of 30. However, those of us over 30 may not find his advice applicable (i.e. At 38, it's difficult to find individuals that have NOT had multiple sex partners.)

An easy read, this book focuses on the many issues that should be dealt with before making a life altering decision. I would highly recommend this to my younger brother.

While this book was recommended to me during a marital crisis (which led to my divorce), I consider the book's title to be somewhat misleading. It's intended audience is young couples considering _when_ to get married. It discusses many factors which are important for a successful (read "long-lived") marriage, especially issues that should be worked out before the wedding. It uses quantitative research to identify these factors.

While it was extremely helpful when helping me to understand why I was in the situation I found myself, it's real power became obvious to me when I recommended it to a friend. She was engaged to be married in a couple months and was getting a bad case of cold feet. It was clear to me that, while she had several legitimate concerns, it was not clear if the marriage should happen or not. She read the book, cover-to-cover, in about a week. She also managed to get her fiance to read it. After this, they decided that they were not ready to be married _but_ they would be some day (a key concept in the book - not ready now does not mean not ready ever). One year later, they married and, at last report, are still very happily married. They credit this book for clarifying their relationship and putting them on the right foot.

I should point out again that it focuses on young couples. It's advice, while still useful, tends to be a little too black and white for older couples. For example, it says that a person who is divorced is very unlikely to make a good marriage partner. While this may be true (and is almost assuredly true for a young person), it is not helpful information to a person who has been divorced or for an older person selecting a partner (the choices being a much younger person, a person who can't commit, a divorcee, and a person who lost their spouse).

I believe it is a must read for someone in their twenties getting married (along with "Good Marriages" - a must read for everyone entering a marriage). It is a useful read in your thirties. You have to pick and choose if you are older.

I was very impressed with the book, "Should We Stay Together" by Mr. Larson which is bascially a summary of all his research gained from testing of his RELATE Premarital Questionnaire. As a result sometimes the read can get bogged down in how this is just that, and lead you to say can you just get to the point. Overall it was a great source of informaiton, especially the questions that you should answer yourself and with your partner. I know it made me realize a few things about my partner I didn't know before. It uses a triangular method that seems straight forward enough, but there's more to it than you'd think! It leaves nothing to chance, and makes you question those things hidden in your closet and your partners'to give you a real picture of whether or not your relationship should go on, is worth saving, or should be dissolved ASAP.

Anyone in a relationship serious enough to be discussing marriage will find their decision-making clarified and relationship strengthened by reading this and completing the exercises together. There's no attempt here to promote or discourage any couple from getting married, only to put all the cards on the table face-up so there are no delusions of what a companion believes, feels, thinks about a full range of values and significant life choices. People don't change much - certainly not in marriage - and this is so valuable in having one's eyes open headed down the aisle. Serves as a convenient and thorough method of covering all the bases before making that final decision.

"Should We Stay Together" is a great book to read before seriously considering getting married to someone. There are tons of helpful exercises to fill out with your partner to evaluate your assets and liabilities.