Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: Live in the Present, Find Your Future [Hardcover]

Les Parrott III (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 16, 2003

'If only...' 'I should have...' 'What if...' Don't punish yourself with regret. It only poisons your daily life and robs you of the peace you long for. Instead, transform past pain into a powerful force that propels you toward a better tomorrow. Dr. Les Parrott, a leading relationships expert, gives you encouragement and direction to redeem your past and live fully in the present. He shows you how to cope with regret and guilt, replace shame with self-respect, learn how to forgive yourself, and keep new regrets from piling up. Dr. Parrott also gives you solid guidelines for making better decisions in the future. With this book, looking at your past will bring healing and growth---not regret, guilt, or shame. You can pack away your if-onlys, give perfectionism the boot, and rejoice in who and where you are today.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Reading a Parrott book is like listening to a wise, trusted friend help you sort out your problems with warmth and compassion. In this instance, the problem is regret, which the author believes can serve as a springboard to a better life once it's dealt with effectively. Parrott, a bestselling CBA author and clinical psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, leads readers through a series of practical steps toward a regret-free life, culminating in a deeper appreciation for God's grace. He clearly presents the faith-based material through his seemingly effortless writing style, conversational tone, innate sense of structure and frequent use of fresh anecdotes. He's also vulnerable, exposing some of his own regrets. In fact, his personal experiences, coupled with the regrets he has heard others express, prompted him to write Shoulda ("I decided I'd regret it if I didn't write this book," he quips). The first of three sections indirectly defines the potential audience: "Every honest human has regrets," he writes in "We All Have Regrets." A second section, "When Regret Turns Toxic," deals with issues such as shame and blaming others, while the third, "Living Without Regret," promises to put an end to feelings of defeat and false guilt. Each of the 12 chapters ends with questions for reflection, and a number of self-assessment tests are sprinkled throughout.
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Review

' Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda is for anyone who wants to break free from the past and focus fully on the present and future.' -- Christian Single -- Michael White <br><br> (Christian Single -- Michael White )

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Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Zondervan; 1 edition (December 16, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0310224608
• ISBN-13: 978-0310224600
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,331,176 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Les and Leslie. A husband-and-wife team who not only share the same name, but the same passion for helping others build healthy relationships. In 1991, the Parrotts founded the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University - a groundbreaking program dedicated to teaching the basics of good relationships.

Married in 1984, the Parrotts bring real-life examples to their speaking platform. Their professional training - Leslie as a marriage and family therapist, and Les as a clinical psychologist - ensures a presentation that is grounded, insightful and cutting-edge.

The Parrotts are New York Times #1 Best Selling Authors. Their books include the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Love Talk, Real Relationships, The Parent You Want to Be, and Crazy Good Sex.

Each year Les and Leslie speak in over 40 cities. Their audiences include a wide array of venues, from churches to Fortune 500 company board rooms. Their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages.

The Parrotts have been guests on many national TV and radio programs such as CNN, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The View with Barbara Walters, NBC Nightly News, and Oprah. Their work has been featured in USA Today and The New York Times.

Visit their website for lots of free resources at www.LesandLeslie.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A critical topic, which is presented well., July 17, 2004

By 

Michael Erisman (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: Live in the Present, Find Your Future (Hardcover)

The premise of this book is captured by the title itself: "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda". The realization that our lives are impacted by regrets, "if only's" and guilt is hardly a new concept, but it is presented very logically and clearly here.

Les starts with some insights into how our regrets for things done, or more impactfully those things not done, can have a dramatic influence on how we view our present. Perhaps there are no more powerful influences that affect us than those we carry around with us everyday. To some degree, all of us are affected by how we later interpret our actions and inactions in relationships and work. Sometimes these decisions haunt us decades later, and keep us from acting today.

The book is broken into chapter topics, and includes quizzes, assessments, study questions and examples. If motivated, I think that one could get some pretty profound insights into current behavioral patterns by just completing the self assessments and becoming more aware of how much we really are defined at times by things we ought to let go of and move on. The section on guilt is outstanding, and is presented in a manner which is easily understood. One key is differentiating between the guilt that is valid and requires action, and false guilt which serves to keep us from doing what is needed to build relationships and experience life more fully.

The book is written well, in a conversational tone. For me, it really did feel conversational as I took classes from Les at SPU and have spoken with him on enough occasions to "hear" him while reading. The concepts are not new, and ironically I was working through them when I met Les nearly 14 years ago. I am reminded of one of the promises of working the 12 steps in AA which states: "we will neither regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. We will realize that no matter how far down the scale we have gone, our experiences can benefit others." This speaks to the serenity and peace that is the outcome of many of the same actions Les recommends here. Forgiving others, making amends, learning to live "one day at a time" in the present.

This book is excellent, and I will recommend it to others. Like Les, I would only hope each person really uses it to free themselves from unnecessary burdens and regrets. Life is a wonderful journey, and is often hard enough without the extra baggage we haul around related to guilt and regret. This book will help one take the first steps towards becoming free from the binding regret and guilt of our past actions, and start living better today.

6 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Old information presented in a new way, May 1, 2005

By 

Armchair Interviews (Minneapolis, MN) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: Live in the Present, Find Your Future (Hardcover)

We all have regrets. After all, we're human. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda shows us how we can rid ourselves of regret, even the regret that has become guilt or shame. In simple language Shoulda Coulda Woulda helps us distinguish real guilt with false guilt and with feeling those guilty feelings and actual guilt.

Read this book with an open mind and learn how to heal damaged emotions and relationships. Shoulda Coulda Woulda asks us to take a hard look at unhealthy perfectionism. It also asks us to forgive ourselves and others and to bring closure to past hurts. Making good decisions, will, Dr. Perrott says, help prevent future regrets from piling up and becoming an unmanageable part of our lives.

The book also includes self-assement tools and questions. Also note: Dr. Parrott believes that we all need God's grace to free us.

This book is old information presented in a new way. The fact that there is nothing new does not mean it's less valuable however.

5.0 out of 5 stars Really helpful information, May 8, 2011

By 

Tina - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda (Audio CD)

I read the book and really like it, so I decided to get it in a form I can take with me as needed. It has some really enlightening information in it. Whenever you start going through the Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda's dig this book or CD out and review it.