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Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: Live in the Present, Find Your Future

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The premise of this book is captured by the title itself: "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda". The realization that our lives are impacted by regrets, "if only's" and guilt is hardly a new concept, but it is presented very logically and clearly here.

Les starts with some insights into how our regrets for things done, or more impactfully those things not done, can have a dramatic influence on how we view our present. Perhaps there are no more powerful influences that affect us than those we carry around with us everyday. To some degree, all of us are affected by how we later interpret our actions and inactions in relationships and work. Sometimes these decisions haunt us decades later, and keep us from acting today.

The book is broken into chapter topics, and includes quizzes, assessments, study questions and examples. If motivated, I think that one could get some pretty profound insights into current behavioral patterns by just completing the self assessments and becoming more aware of how much we really are defined at times by things we ought to let go of and move on. The section on guilt is outstanding, and is presented in a manner which is easily understood. One key is differentiating between the guilt that is valid and requires action, and false guilt which serves to keep us from doing what is needed to build relationships and experience life more fully.

The book is written well, in a conversational tone. For me, it really did feel conversational as I took classes from Les at SPU and have spoken with him on enough occasions to "hear" him while reading. The concepts are not new, and ironically I was working through them when I met Les nearly 14 years ago. I am reminded of one of the promises of working the 12 steps in AA which states: "we will neither regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. We will realize that no matter how far down the scale we have gone, our experiences can benefit others." This speaks to the serenity and peace that is the outcome of many of the same actions Les recommends here. Forgiving others, making amends, learning to live "one day at a time" in the present.

This book is excellent, and I will recommend it to others. Like Les, I would only hope each person really uses it to free themselves from unnecessary burdens and regrets. Life is a wonderful journey, and is often hard enough without the extra baggage we haul around related to guilt and regret. This book will help one take the first steps towards becoming free from the binding regret and guilt of our past actions, and start living better today.

We all have regrets. After all, we're human. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda shows us how we can rid ourselves of regret, even the regret that has become guilt or shame. In simple language Shoulda Coulda Woulda helps us distinguish real guilt with false guilt and with feeling those guilty feelings and actual guilt.

Read this book with an open mind and learn how to heal damaged emotions and relationships. Shoulda Coulda Woulda asks us to take a hard look at unhealthy perfectionism. It also asks us to forgive ourselves and others and to bring closure to past hurts. Making good decisions, will, Dr. Perrott says, help prevent future regrets from piling up and becoming an unmanageable part of our lives.

The book also includes self-assement tools and questions. Also note: Dr. Parrott believes that we all need God's grace to free us.

This book is old information presented in a new way. The fact that there is nothing new does not mean it's less valuable however.

I read the book and really like it, so I decided to get it in a form I can take with me as needed. It has some really enlightening information in it. Whenever you start going through the Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda's dig this book or CD out and review it.

It seems that an essential ingredient in overcoming regret is to be able to forgive yourself. This and other universal truths are explored and explained in this wonderful book.

There is nothing more important than your future, so don't try to get there by looking behind you. James Green, author of "If There's One Thing I've Learned."