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Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid: A Survival Guide for Ordinary Parents of Special Children [Paperback]

Gina Gallagher , Patricia Konjoian
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (91 customer reviews)

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Book Description

August 3, 2010
AUTHORS’ DISCLAIMER:
We are not in any way experts on parenting children with disabilities. Our goal is simply to share strategies that have worked for each of us in the event it may help those in a similar situation. If you’re different from us (i.e., you are bright or of the perfect persuasion), we advise you not to try the following at home.
 
On a “perfection-preoccupied planet,” sisters Gina and Patty dare to speak up about the frustrations, sadness, and stigmas they face as parents of children with disabilities (one with Asperger’s syndrome, the other with bipolar disorder).
 
This refreshingly frank book, which will alternately make you want to tear your hair out and laugh your head off, should be required reading for parents of disabled children. Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid provides wise and funny advice about how to:


   • Find a support group—either online or in your community
   • Ensure that your child gets the right in-school support
   • Deal with people—be they friends, family members, or strangers—who say or do insensitive things to you or your child
   • Find fun, safe, and inclusive extracurricular activities for your child
   • Battle your own grief and seek professional help if you need it
   • Keep the rest of the family intact in moments of crisis

Frequently Bought Together

Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid: A Survival Guide for Ordinary Parents of Special Children + The Elephant in the Playroom: Ordinary Parents Write Intimately and Honestly About Raising Kids with Special Needs
Price for both: $24.26

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"One of the best parts of the book is that these two moms sound like...well, two moms. And two very funny moms at that. So you’re going to laugh (a lot), and cry (a little), and you're going to hope for the best, and you’re going to pray that someone can help their kids, and best of all you’re going to know that you’re not alone. So if you were hoping for a dry, predictable reading experience, I’m quite certain you’ve selected the wrong book. Kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges aren’t dry and predictable, so hang on to your hat and bring along some tissues."
—Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., author of The Explosive Child and Lost at School

“Know, work with, or love a child with special needs? If so, Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian’s Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid is the latest ‘must-read’ book on the subject. The sisters, whose wit and delivery could have landed them a gig on the stand-up circuit, share facts and funny stories about raising kids with disabilities while providing practical advice and identifying helpful resources. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll learn a lot about living well with challenge. Buy a copy for yourself . . . and two or three more for your friends with perfect kids!”
—KATE McLAUGHLIN, author of Mommy I’m Still in Here: One Family’s Journey with Bipolar Disease
 
“With truly masterful use of humor as a coping strategy, Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid authors Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian address the challenges, the heartbreak, and the touching victories of parenting children with disabilities today. The book is a valuable and insightful resource for any family member or friend of a child with special needs. It conveys a wealth of practical information with a warmth and compassion that helps parents realize they are not alone.”
—DEIRDRE E. LOGAN, PhD, psychologist, Children’s Hospital Boston, and assistant professor of psychology, Harvard Medical School
 
“Anyone who has ever laughed while raising a child will love this book! Gina and Patricia really find the humor in special needs parenting—and they validate us all.” —SUSAN SENATOR, author of Making Peace with Autism and The Autism Mom’s Survival Guide
 
 “Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid is the perfect antidote to a society obsessed with perfection. It was written by two sisters who both have children with unique challenges. Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian have created an honest, humorous, and touching book that will make you laugh and cry, but most of all it will make you reevaluate how you look at other people in this world. Their journey is similar to that of many parents who have been filled with conflicting feelings about their children. But at the end of the day, instead of seeing their children’s differences, they see their determination and spirit. It’s that determination and spirit that has changed their lives in every way. It’s also what they would like the rest of the world to embrace. This book is a breath of fresh air to parents of kids with all sorts of abilities.”
—TRACY ANGLADA, executive director of BPChildren and author of Intense Minds: Through the Eyes of Young People with Bipolar Disorder
 
 “This survival guide is a must-read for families of children with emerging and existing mental health conditions. Not only does this book provide highly practical advice, but it infuses that advice with real-life stories of families who have faced unthinkable challenges and come out on top. It offers hope to every family who has faced the dark side of stigma and the struggle of securing effective services and supports for their child. Families who read this book will truly understand that they are not alone. The road can be long and hard, but this book reminds us that on our journey, humor provides a powerful role in the struggle. Ordinary families will find themselves reading and rereading this guide as they come to appreciate the beauty of their unique and special child.”
—DARCY GRUTTADARO, director of the NAMI National Child and Adolescent Action Center
 
“Thank you, Gina and Patty, for reminding the world that our most cherished human qualities, courage and resilience among them, can never be captured by a test score or grade on a report card. Your book, your message, and your ‘Movement of Imperfection’ could not have arrived at a better time. Thanks to you, countless numbers of people, children and adults alike, will come to see their differences in a hopeful new light.”
—MARK KATZ, PhD, clinical and consulting psychologist, San Diego, California, and author of On Playing a Poor Hand Well

From the Back Cover

Us. vs. Them Battle: "It's hard to hear how good their kid is on the baseball field when yours would rather catch real flies."

Medication: "We've met parents who feel guilty for putting their kids on meds...for not putting their kids on meds...even for taking their kids' meds."

Food: "Yes, my daughter would like a Happy Meal. Please hold the meal and she'll be happy."

Marriage: "You can remember the name of Beaver Cleaver's first-grade teacher, but you can't remember to put your son on the bus?"

Sports: "Do we have to follow the ball Mom? It's more fun following a bee."

Everyday life: "Sorry, I missed the bus, Mom. I was practicing my funny faces in the mirror." --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Three Rivers Press; 1 edition (August 3, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0307587487
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307587480
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.6 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (91 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #45,031 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I'm Gina Gallagher, an imperfect author/speaker/mother/housecleaner/recordkeeper/daughter/blah/blah/blah. As a freelance copywriter and former humor columnist, I knew I was going to write a book someday; I just didn't know what it would be about (minor detail, I know). It wasn't until I experienced what was then the most difficult time of my life -- watching my daughter, who was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, struggle to find her place in a perfection pre-occupied society. When my sister and co-author, Patty Konjoian, joked that she was going to write a humorous book about her daughter's struggle with bipolar disorder, I finally knew what that book would be about. Together, we penned Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid, A Survival Guide for Ordinary Parents of Special Children, which encourages all parents to learn to let go of their perfect expectations for their children and to love the reality. And most importantly, to understand that life doesn't have to be "perfect" to be meaningful and fulfilling.

I'm Patty Konjoian, the smarter, older (though I prefer to say "more mature") sister. I'm a Family Partner for Northeast Behavioral Health, as well as an award-winning freelance videographer. I'm also the mother of three wonderful, but, blissfully imperfect children, one of whom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 11. While there was nothing humorous with watching Jennifer struggle, I did often joke that some of the things we had to go through were humorous. For example, I was sure I had a promising career as an Emergency Room critic, who could rate the E.R.'s based on the magazine quality, vending machine selections, and colorfulness of staff scrubs. When my daughter was struggling in her younger years, I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, and scared. Today, my daughter is doing amazingly well and attending college. Through our book and speaking, I am able to share her message of hope.

Customer Reviews

Good people, like the rest of us, who have kids with issues. Sara M. Bull  |  25 reviewers made a similar statement
While reading this book, I laughed out loud, and cried my eyes out to. karen allen  |  21 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally! The truth comes out! August 10, 2010
Format:Paperback
As the mother of two boys ages 9 and 11, one with autism and bipolar disorder and one with signifigant anxiety, this book was a refreshing positive change from all of the typical gloom and doom books out there on this subject matter. The "Shut up Sisters" have shined a bright light on the truth, that children with special needs are a huge challenge, but a huge blessing as well. Each of the sisters gives her own personal perspective on the happiness, joy, heartbreak and pain that comes with this difficult job of parenting special needs children that none of us are prepared to take on, and sends a very clear message, "You are not alone." Sometimes, just knowing that is what gets us through the day.

This book made me laugh and it made me cry, but most of all it made me realize how truly lucky I am to be blessed with the family and the support system I have. Bravo to the sisters for embracing their imperfection!
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Rave review March 27, 2007
Format:Paperback
Shut Up About...Your Perfect Kid is exactly what parents of special children need to read. In addition to sharing extremely funny stories about special children, the authors break down barriers within the special needs community as well as throughout mainstream culture. Using humor, wisdom and revealing their own personal journeys, the authors create a "we're all in this together" reading environment. The book validates the fears, limitations and challenges of parenting special children; at the same time, the book encourages parents to examine our expectations and perspectives about our special children and appreciate the gifts they bring to our lives. Expect to sigh, cry and laugh out loud.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for parents of a challenged child May 24, 2007
Format:Paperback
This is no "make lemons into lemonade" book! These two sisters open their hearts and their homes to the world to share an exceptionally honest and insightful approach to raising children with challenges. You'll laugh, and you'll cry. This is also a great read for parents who DON'T have children with special needs - so they can have a better understanding of what it is like...and then maybe they'll "shut up about their perfect child!" Way to go sisters! I've never read a book that was so heartfelt, and raw, and truthful! And I commend both the writers for having the strength to keep their families intact regardless of the many hurdles they've needed to overcome, and what is most impressive is their ability to find the dark humor during very difficult circumstances. Buy your copy TODAY!!!!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
I LOVE this book! It makes me laugh and at the same time there is a serious side to it. I relate so much to the authors!
Published 10 days ago by jhughes0507
3.0 out of 5 stars More personal narrative than helpful
I got through half of this and was sorry. I expected it to be funnier, at least, if it wasn't going to be helpful and constructive. I could have better spent the money elsewhere.
Published 14 days ago by Justintime
5.0 out of 5 stars How You Feel
The title grabbed me. It is sometimes hard to hear about people's "perfect" kids when you're struggling with the day to day things that their kids do without any thought. Read more
Published 18 days ago by Anne M. Stalker
4.0 out of 5 stars Nice book
Great resources, you'll laugh along with their stories but all feel sad and understanding too their stories.. Nice book for all kinds of mother even athers
Published 2 months ago by Jennyanddre
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny and compassionate
I loved this book...it was funny and helpful to read. The authors are speaking candidly about what it is like to parent kids with special needs. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Bookish Mom
5.0 out of 5 stars So helpful
Have a son with BPD/ADHD/ODD, and this book was so light-hearted. Nice to know you are not alone. Thanks for writing it.
Published 3 months ago by K. Hess
5.0 out of 5 stars A rare find!
A blessing to those of us "in the trenches" daily with our children. It is so good to know we are not alone and that someone can find the humor in an otherwise dreary situation.
Published 7 months ago by Sped Mom
5.0 out of 5 stars A true treasure. I would give it 100 stars if I could
I absolutely love this book. Already I have laughed and cried while reading it. In the beginning the "Welcome to Holland" story is so perfect. Read more
Published 8 months ago by J. Boisvert
5.0 out of 5 stars Fresh Perspective FINALLY!
Love their approach to what can be (and has been with most books) a very somber subject. Their honesty, wit and information is a refreshing addition to the landscpe of books about... Read more
Published 8 months ago by SigningMom
5.0 out of 5 stars Just when I needed it the most
My oldest child was so perfect-she talked early, walked at the right time-I mean perfect in every way. When I had my second child, he was just a bit different. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Janice
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