Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too [Paperback]

Adele Faber (Author), Elaine Mazlish (Author), Kimberly Ann Coe (Illustrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1988

The award-winning authors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk now examine the problems of sibling rivalry in its various forms and offer solutions for parents to promote cooperation amongst their children. Illustrated.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Sibling relationships are often fraught with rivalry, jealousy, bitterness, and violence, and the older kids get, the worse the problems seem to get. Sibling strife can be agony for the parents, and few are prepared for the intensity of the battles and emotions that their kids have with each other. The title, Siblings Without Rivalry promises a lot, and Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (coauthors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk) deliver the goods: a positive approach and specific techniques to help bring peace and cooperation into your home.

Siblings Without Rivalry is organized by sections: the importance of expressing hostile feelings, the perils of comparisons, teaching kids to work out conflicts on their own, and what to do when they fight. The "Reminder" pages, humorous examples that ring true, and great cartoons by Kimberly Ann Coe all make this book an easily accessible resource. Faber and Mazlish will help you understand sibling rivalry from the inside out, and you'll gain insight on your relationships with your own siblings, as well.

From Library Journal

Disciples of the late Haim Ginott, a child psychologist, Faber and Mazlish have conducted workshops on family relationships and co-authored Liberated Parents, Liberated Children (Avon, 1975) and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (Rawson Wade, 1980). The present book states that sibling rivalry stems from jealousy similar to that a spouse might feel if asked to welcome another husband or wife into the household. It outlines ways to defuse such explosive situations as comparing, assigning roles, or taking sides and suggests specific remedies to avoid conflict. Cartoon-like illustrations and "quick reminders" help reinforce new behavior. A welcome assist over the rough times that too often leave lifetime scars. Suzanne Druehl, Little Rock Public Library, Ark.
Copyright 1987 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 219 pages
• Publisher: Avon Books (P); Edition Unstated edition (May 1988)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0380705273
• ISBN-13: 978-0380705276
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (117 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #846,048 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Adele Faber is an internationally acclaimed, award-winning expert on adult-child communication. She lectures nationwide, and her group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.

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#44 in Books > Self-Help

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

192 of 195 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A lifesaver of a book March 14, 2001

By R. Griffiths

Format:Paperback

Contrary to what one reviewer wrote, this is not the *only* book on parenting you should read. I'd recommend Faber and Maslish's other books, How to Talk so Kids will Listen..., and How to Talk so Kids Can Learn... I give this book four stars, simply because I've given the others five stars each, and I wanted to show that you should perhaps read these books first.

I found this one in the library, somewhat desperate at a time when my two-year old was regularly trying to pinch and scratch my newborn baby. What to do? It felt awful. I clutched Siblings Without Rivalry to me like a lifebuoy.

Did it help? Emphatically, yes! There is tons of helpful material here, especially the stuff about helping children to express their feelings appropriately, and the advice to treat children uniquely rather than equally. I was worried that the authors might just rehash what they said in How to Talk so Kids Will Listen..., but they don't. The format is familiar - case studies, cartoons etc, as is the general approach to life, but the content is a real development.

I have to admit that some of the book is less relevant when one of the siblings in question is still a young baby. But I'm glad I read it when I did. I'll be coming back to it in the future.

126 of 129 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great suggestions for handling ď¿˝Quibbling Siblings August 2, 2003

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

This book has so many ideas to try with children of all ages. I'm sure I will continue to consult it as my children get older. I really like the "How To Step In So You Can Step Out" strategy that teaches parents how to intervene by acknowledging the feelings of both kids in the heat of the moment which defuses the situation so the kids can work it out themselves. I like the simple cartoons that clearly illustrate the communication "do's" and "don�ts" with quibbling siblings. I also like the way the discipline tips maintain the dignity of both the parent and the child. When I am able to resist "automatic parenting" reactions like yelling and threatening, and use some of the great techniques I've learned, I feel so much more competent as a parent. Because I have three young children (5, 3, and 2 months), I would like to also recommend a new pocket-sized book that has been very helpful addressing my specific current sibling issues. Appropriately entitled "The Pocket Parent", the entire book is written for parents with normal, but often challenging preschoolers. There are hundreds of short bulleted suggestions addressing sibling issues such as: "the new baby", "comparing and labeling", "sibling rivalry", "hitting and hurting others", "biting", "bad words", "I hate you's", "listening", "power struggles", and "traveling with the kids". These two books with exactly the same discipline philosophy compliment each other--both having great examples of the exact words to try in many sibling situations.

One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids--and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (...in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it...I PAUSED...And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (...maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmmmmmmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian...Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" GREAT ADVICE...and it worked!! Bad news...It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.

86 of 87 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Parenting advice without rival May 5, 1997

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

My sister spoke very early and her first words were "I'm telling mommy!" From the moment she arrived home from the hospital, we were locked in mortal combat. Our rivalry finally ended when I left home at 18. We are now good friends, but I wish that my parents had read this book during our childhood.
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, authors of "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk", share years of experience gained through their own parenting trials and through those of the thousands of parents who have attended their workshops. Their aim is to teach parents the skills and techniques necessary to redirect rivalry into cooperation. Topics such as teaching parents to stop treating their children equally instead of uniquely, helping children express their angry feelings acceptably, motivating children to solve their own problems, and handling fighting are expertly covered.
This best-selling book puts the reader right into the middle of a fictional workshop, sitting with other frustrated parents, asking questions and working out solutions. Each chapter begins with questions aimed at helping parents to understand and acknowledge the feelings behind a common problem. The book then describes the communication skills necessary to defuse the rivalry and gain cooperation instead of arguments. Theory is put into practice in cartoon form. A problem is presented in a cartoon, which shows the "typical" way an untrained parent would respond, and then the way the problem could be resolved using the new techniques the authors teach. The last chapter of the book explores ways in which we can mend fences and renew our relationships with our own adult siblings. Several poignant stories illustrate that it is never too late to learn effective communication skills. I found this book useful for parents of only children, since the skills presented are as useful for dealing with one child as for many. For parents of two or more children, this is a MUST READ