Side by Side: The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-Free Communication [Hardcover]

Charles Sophy (Author), Brown Kogen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 2, 2010

For the last 20 years, Dr. Sophy has treated both infamous young celebrities adrift in Beverly Hills and neglected foster children lost in the Los Angeles county child welfare system. His specialty is fostering communication between children and their parents or caretakers using something he calls the Chair Strategy. Now, with his first book, he is bringing that system to the general public with a book aimed specifically at the most precarious family dynamic of all-that between mothers and daughters. Too many parents don't realise how their own unbalanced lives filter into their communication with their children. Before any mum can improve her relationship with her daughter, she must learn to check in with herself, and make sure she is keeping balance in five key areas of life. Dr. Sophy refers to these as SWEEP - sleep, work, eating, expression of self, and play. Maintaining a balanced SWEEP is the foundation to strengthen the mother-daughter relationship and all parent-child relationships. Only after you are balanced and secure can you offer balance and security to your child. Dr. Sophy then introduces the Chair Strategy. Designed to get mums and daughters to go from literally being at odds, or sitting back to back, to looking at life and events in the same direction, or side by side, the ultimate goal of the Chair Strategy is to get mum and daughter face to face, moving forward together with shared goals and open, loving communication. Through a series of communication exercises, guided conversations, journaling and other suggestions, mum and daughter work both separately and together to explore their relationship, and uncover areas of common ground that allow them to finally see face to face. This book takes the mother-daughter relationship, regardless of where it falls on the spectrum of 'healthy' and guides it toward a new level of understanding and love.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“In Side by Side, Dr. Sophy has helped me better understand my own behavior as a woman and allowed me to strengthen my connection with my daughter through practical exercises and compelling stories. Truly a brilliant read!” (Mel B, actress and singer )

“Accessibly written and abundantly illustrated with stories taken from Sophy’s extensive professional repertoire, this book would be useful for mothers of any age interested in improving their relationships with their daughters.” (Library Journal )

“Side by Side is a must-have for girls, especially if you’re spending a long weekend with your mom!” (Paris Hilton )

“I applaud Dr. Sophy’s efforts to take the heat and pain out of the mother-daughter relationship. His principles are sound and his advice is practical. Side by Side is an innovative and useful book.” (Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationships between Adult Children and Parents )

“This book directs you on a path to connect mother to daughter or vice versa. It is a marvelous gift. ” (Sharon Stone )

“Dr. Sophy has an amazing understanding of the mother/daughter relationship. He has helped bring me clarity on how I can be the best possible parent to my daughters.” (Nathalie Marciano, former Creative Director for Charles David Shoes, producer of My Life in Ruins )

About the Author

Dr. Charles Sophy is a psychiatrist who has a private practice and serves as medical director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. He has appeared on such programs as Today, Good Morning America, CNN's Larry King Live, and The Rachel Ray Show.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne; 1 edition (February 2, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061791571
• ISBN-13: 978-0061791574
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #593,721 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars must read for all, February 3, 2010

By 

Janice Baum (Livingston, NJ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Side by Side: The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-Free Communication (Hardcover)

Side by Side is an excellent resource and no matter who you are you will be able to take away a lot of fantastic ideas and information that Dr. Sophy offers in the book. As a mother, grandmother, and educator for more than 30 years I 've had a lot of experience with mother-daughter relationships and what I really found great about this book besides being written in a way which was engaging and thought provoking, was that unlike many of the other books out there, Side by Side is something that can be read just to get a better understanding of your relationship with your daughter or for a specific problem you might experiencing. I'd suggest any mother keep a copy of Side by Side on her bookshelf as it's one of those books you'll keep coming back too over and over again.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars mother of all parenting books, February 3, 2010

By 

mulholland mom (Beverly Hills, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Side by Side: The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-Free Communication (Hardcover)

I might be a bit biased as I've been a patient of Dr. Sophy's for about 5 years now and what a crazy five years it's been. I first started seeing him right after I got divorced and my daughters were 9 and 11. My ex-husband did not want to be a part of our family nor was he willing to be parent anymore which made things even worse. I suddenly found myself a single parent after nearly 15 years of marriage without a job, without a penny, all we had was our house and each other. In the middle of all this major change a mental health issue which had been at bay for years suddenly became an issue and things were not good. When Dr. Sophy came into my life and then my daughter's lives he was able to to help me and my daughters transition and be able to accept things and keep on going. As time went on and things got better for us other problems set in but nothing out of the ordinary, my daughters were now teenagers and like all teenagers we started to fight ALOT! But once again Dr. Sophy was there for me, for us to see us through. When he first told me about his book I thought great now that my girls are almost ready to go off to college now there is a book for me that would help, but when I started reading it, it was like Dr. Sophy was right there. So many of the things he brings up in this book are the things that we talked about, worked on, worked through our sessions together and to see so much of it all in once place is kind of amazing. It's like if you can't be treated by Dr. Sophy this book is the next best thing. I would say even with all the work we've done together over the years, I learned a lot from reading it and would suggest and mother pick up a copy and add it to your mom toolbox. For someone who isn't the biggest reader in the world, the fact that I read it cover to cover says a lot. Dr. Sophy really knows what he's talking about and he really cares. Thank You Doctor Sophy for sharing your gifts with every mother out there, you are really special.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars some decent ideas but mysogynistic too, March 21, 2011

By 

F. Davis "another maveric" (boston, ma) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Side by Side: The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-Free Communication (Hardcover)

As a female psychologist, daughter (of course) and mother - I was curious what this book could offer to help mothers and daughters I see in my practice. From the therapeutic perspective, his description of the 3 orientations for communication is worthwhile but while I'd like to be able to offer this book to my clients, I've found the writer's tone to be mysogynistic and condescending.

I'm not sure that a woman hasn't written a book about father/son relationships but I found Dr. Sophy's male psychiatrist perspective to be judgmental rather than compassionate and in areas related to biology - just plain wrong. When he makes comments about the effect of estrogen or condemns a new mother who has struggled to conceive when she becomes upset by an MD telling her that she can't breastfeed - he really skates on thin ice. He then claims that the mom was selfishly pursuing her own agenda to breastfeed, and asserts that formula is just as nourishing. Where is he getting his info???

I also found it more than a little bit creepy that he seems to be lurking around playgrounds looking for moms who have done something he can find to be shameful. Anyhow, I'm about 1/3 of the way through the book but I had to voice my estrogen ire before any other women get triggered or misled.

Perhaps in a later edition a La Leche mom can help him get his facts straight!