"Silent Grief" is a book for and about "suicide survivors" - those who have been left behind by the suicide of a friend or loved one. Author Christopher Lukas is a suicide survivor himself - several members of his family have taken their own lives - and the book draws on his own experiences, as well as those of numerous other suicide survivors. These personal testimonies are combined with the professional expertise of Henry M. Seiden, a psychologist and psychoanalytic psychotherapist. The authors present information on common experiences of bereavement, grief reactions and various ways of coping. Their message is that it is important to share one's experience of "survival" with others and they encourage survivors to overcome the perceived stigma or shame associated with suicide and to seek support from self-help groups, psychotherapy, family therapy, Internet support forums or simply a friend or family member who will listen. "Silent Grief" gives valuable insights into living in the wake of suicide and provides useful strategies and support for those affected by a suicide, as well as professionals in the field of psychology, social work, and medicine.
Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide
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Lukas and Seidena television writer/producer (and suicide survivor) and a clinical psychologistshow how the emotional aftermath of suicide differs from that of normal bereavement not only in duration but because of the hidden implication of responsibility and higher risk of suicide for those relatives left behind. Lay helpers will find useful the discussion of rules for listening and refocusing and the comments about prevention of romanticization and contagion among adolescent survivor peer groups. A sensible popular manual on "postvention" of suicide and the dangers of unspoken sorrow and anger, with a useful appendix on self-help and mutual-support groups.William Abrams, Portland State Univ. Lib., Ore.
Copyright 1988 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright 1988 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
About the Author
Christopher Lukas is a 45-year veteran of the public television world in the US, a writer and television producer whose documentaries include films on end-of-life care, psychology, and the arts. Henry M. Seiden is a psychologist and psychoanalytic psychotherapist, living and practicing in New York. He has taught and supervised in a number of graduate schools, clinics, hospitals, and training institutes in New York City.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
72 of 72 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
In December my 43 yr. old Mother comitted suicide. Words cannot describe the shock, guilt and loss one feels. I certainly know that I have never felt anything that painful. I don't have any siblings so it fell on me to make all of the arrangements and to try to somehow sort this out. This book explained everything I was feeling was 'okay' and 'normal' from the sleep loss to the nightmares to the guilt I feel every single day. It continuously helps me feel not so alone. The hardest part is that due to the nature of my Mom's death I am very hesitant to talk about it which does, in my opinion, limit the greiving process. I looked for books about this topic at my local bookstores and couldn't find much, KUDOS to Amazon.com for having such a wide selection and to the author for providing insight and comfort in my time of need. I recommend this book as a must read for survivor's of suicide.
52 of 52 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Those left behind in the wake of a suicide do not need nor cannot take in a mass of psychological jargon, statistical abstracts or pie charts and graphs. What they need is the reassurance that they are not alone, that there is a community of compassionate, sensitive people which will welcome them as they try to absorb and accept their loss. "Silent Grief" provides a real service in helping the reader to sort out his feelings and to begin to make sense of the senseless.
Authors Lukas and Seiden provide many real life examples of the behaviors of suicide survivors. These should be helpful to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide, no matter how long ago the event occurred, no matter how close emotionally the survivor was to the deceased, even if they were not family.
Although they do not mention Elisabeth Kubler-Ross by name, Lukas and Seiden do detail her famous five stages of grief, (from her 1969 book, "On Death and Dying") and explain that these emotions and behaviors can and often do run deeper in suicide survivors than in those mourning the death, say, of an elderly person who dies of natural causes. The stages of grief and the order in which they are experienced are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. Not everyone goes through all the stages, regardless of the intensity or nature of their loss. But there are suicide survivors who get stuck in one stage of grief never to leave it, not for years or even decades. "Silent Grief" discusses not only why this happens, but the ways in which the suicide survivor can become "unstuck," and finally achieve acceptance of his loss.
To work one's way through the process of grieving can take years. I lost a brother to suicide in 1995. He was only 31. The authors discuss deep, unrelenting depression as a primary cause of almost every suicide. This my brother experienced for years, and it seemed resistant to treatment. Now, although there are days when I feel his presence acutely, and other days when it seems as if his death just occurred, I did eventually reach the acceptance phase, but it took about six years. (I don't know if this was a long or short period of time, nor even if there are any meaningful yardsticks.)
I don't believe it is the intention of Lukas and Seiden to encourage the reader in accelerating the grieving process. Rather, their many real-life examples make it easier to understand the complexities, the patience and the backtracking that will inevitably mark the road to recovery. It has been said that while a suicide survivor will never get over it, he can eventually get used to it. Only by completing this process can acceptance of this unimaginably painful event be achieved. "Silent Grief" offers hope that one day acceptance can be achieved, and that the process may be arduous, but reaching this vital last stage of the journey does not mean abandoning the memory of or forgetting the one who died.
Those who need to read "Silent Grief" know who they are, but it may be very difficult for them to pick it up. Perhaps a loved one can introduce them to its wisdom, compassion and hope. The survivor needs all of these, and "Silent Grief" is a safe and comforting place to begin.
Authors Lukas and Seiden provide many real life examples of the behaviors of suicide survivors. These should be helpful to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide, no matter how long ago the event occurred, no matter how close emotionally the survivor was to the deceased, even if they were not family.
Although they do not mention Elisabeth Kubler-Ross by name, Lukas and Seiden do detail her famous five stages of grief, (from her 1969 book, "On Death and Dying") and explain that these emotions and behaviors can and often do run deeper in suicide survivors than in those mourning the death, say, of an elderly person who dies of natural causes. The stages of grief and the order in which they are experienced are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. Not everyone goes through all the stages, regardless of the intensity or nature of their loss. But there are suicide survivors who get stuck in one stage of grief never to leave it, not for years or even decades. "Silent Grief" discusses not only why this happens, but the ways in which the suicide survivor can become "unstuck," and finally achieve acceptance of his loss.
To work one's way through the process of grieving can take years. I lost a brother to suicide in 1995. He was only 31. The authors discuss deep, unrelenting depression as a primary cause of almost every suicide. This my brother experienced for years, and it seemed resistant to treatment. Now, although there are days when I feel his presence acutely, and other days when it seems as if his death just occurred, I did eventually reach the acceptance phase, but it took about six years. (I don't know if this was a long or short period of time, nor even if there are any meaningful yardsticks.)
I don't believe it is the intention of Lukas and Seiden to encourage the reader in accelerating the grieving process. Rather, their many real-life examples make it easier to understand the complexities, the patience and the backtracking that will inevitably mark the road to recovery. It has been said that while a suicide survivor will never get over it, he can eventually get used to it. Only by completing this process can acceptance of this unimaginably painful event be achieved. "Silent Grief" offers hope that one day acceptance can be achieved, and that the process may be arduous, but reaching this vital last stage of the journey does not mean abandoning the memory of or forgetting the one who died.
Those who need to read "Silent Grief" know who they are, but it may be very difficult for them to pick it up. Perhaps a loved one can introduce them to its wisdom, compassion and hope. The survivor needs all of these, and "Silent Grief" is a safe and comforting place to begin.
33 of 33 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
In 1989, my baby brother committed suicide. It has been said that, "Death is Final!" Death by Suicide never ends for the survivors. I have a wonderful friend, who gave me Silent Grief. It was a constant friend, which walked me through some very heartbreaking times. It is like a friend who holds your hand and lets you know that it is always there, and you are not alone. The way the book is presented is a great help. People are different and need different support. Once you read it, you can pick it up and zero in on the areas that can be of more help to you as an individual. With the help of this book, I've realized that even though the haunting of Clyde's death will be forever with me, life does go on and the pain eases. Thank you to the author for such a great contribution to our world.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Too technical.
I found this book to be totally unhelpful. Too many techncal terms and situtations. Bouncing from one situation to another. Totally lost me.
Published 6 months ago by peg99levi
immensely helpful
A dear friend of mine killed himself recently and I was crushed by grief. Just reading this book and other people's stories was comforting and helpful. Read more
Published 9 months ago by book junkie
Telling us how we SHOULD feel --
I was somewhat puzzled by the thrust of the authors' chapters on what they call "Bargains." They seem to think that these feelings and thoughts, which I would regard as quite... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Mary A. Turzillo
The Best Book for Survivors
This book helped me so much. It is the best book I have ever read about grief. I told my therapist about it, and she's going to recommend it aso. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Melody O. LeMaire
Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide/
My son committed suicide. It's very hard to accept. This book has a lot of wisdom. Suicide in such a deliberate act...as a mother it has made me question my entire life. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Karen's Fantasy
Very Helpful
I read and reread this book after my brother's suicide. It described many of my own feelings, and also had many practical suggestions.
Published 22 months ago by Former Teacher
Excellent book for therapists or family members of those who have...
This slim volume was originally published in 1987, with the long-overdue revised version arriving in 2007. Read more
Published on August 29, 2009 by Beth Cholette
Exceptional Resource!
I am a seminary student in Minneapolis, Minnesota and was introduced to this book in a class I took that addressed the issue of Grief in Pastoral Care. Read more
Published on April 19, 2009 by Leslie S. Neugent
Book: Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide
Excellent help for me and my family following my fathers suicide. Helped me to understand and not be ridden with guilt.
Published on May 18, 2008 by D. Akin
Good points
This book is a good idea for anyone going thru the trauma of a suicide
Published on June 8, 2007 by Billi J. Steele
Inside This Book
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Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs):
(learn more)
suicide survivors, multiple suicides, grand bargain Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Affective Disorder New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Surprise Me!
suicide survivors, multiple suicides, grand bargain Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Affective Disorder New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Surprise Me!
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