Customer Reviews

Simon Says

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I'll admit that I wasn't really sure what to expect from this movie. It sat on the shelf for three years before Lionsgate decided to finally release it -- straight to DVD. I'm somewhat of a fan of crappy slasher horror movies, mostly of the Evil Dead II variety, and I hoped that Simon Says might be able to give me something new to chew on between viewings of the Sam Raimi classic. It does -- sort of.

Simon Says contains virtually every cliche of '80s slasher horror movies. In fact, this film is something of a tribute to those over-to-the-top gore fests. This time, a group of five stereotypical college students (the slut, the straight-laced Asian, the jock, the stoner, and the girl the serial killer is obsessed with) go out into the secluded mountains for a summer camp adventure. Of course, we all know that this leads to drinking, drugs, and a ridiculous amount of sex.

Once the movie gets past 30 minutes of boring (and pretty much unneeded) exposition, the serial killer, Simon, makes his move. After attacking one of the college students, he takes out another group of nameless campers who have absolutely no connection to the plot. While this scene is utterly random, it is the best one in the film. Simon kills off a collection of people in highly creative, and highly gruesome, ways (pick-axe, anyone?) that'll make you cringe and laugh at the same time. The gore and the blood are done in such a ridiculous style that you have to laugh at the simple fact that it could never happen.

One by one Simon kills off the college students until he is left with his "dream girl." Once virtually all of the characters have been killed off, the movie gets a little flat. The writers attempt to throw in a twist at the end, build the intensity, and make the viewers actually care about the campers. Honestly, by this point I just wanted to see more crazy violence; instead it felt like the writers were trying too hard to make the movie into something that it isn't.

Crispin Glover, by far, steals the show as Simon. While his Southern accent is hardly believable, his performance is spot-on and laughably bone-chilling. This is honestly the best performance I have ever seen from him. He pulls off the creepy, disturbed serial killer well and makes viewers wish that there was more of him and his crazy killing antics than the attempt at a plot.

This movie has both things that have come to define the slasher horror genre: blood and gore... and boobs, but with a surprising lack of the latter. Yet it also has no intensity, no surprises, horribly corny dialogue, and barely a shred of originality (completely committed to the violence).

Simon Says is a polarizing movie. Fans of '80s slasher horror movies and of absurd gore-fest movies will think that it's perfect for taking up a Friday night when you have nothing else to do -- just grab some friends who like these kinds of movies, some alcohol, and a bag of popcorn and you're good to go. However, if you are not a fan of slasher movies or are expecting a horror movie that's actually scary, Simon Says will be an hour and a half of pure pain.

"Simon Says"Gives you a big dose of over the top acting by Crispin Glover .although effective for the role's he's playing,Psychotic twins that killed they're parents as children and now live in the woods where they have set booby trap after booby trap that effectively kill quite a few people who just want to camp and have a good time in grisly ways .

The cast is good and the acting is well done.Of course there is that element of dark humor that ensues with alot of the slashers today,That's one reason Glovers performance works,it's not to be taken too seriously but seriously enough to delight the slasher fan.,Blake Lively of gossip Girl is only in the film for about 3 minutes so I don't know why she was even used.

There is gore galore and that's always good because that's why we watch these movies , that combined with good characters and cool story..

There's a scene where a boy is burned alive that is particularly disturbing.The rest of the kills are pretty good as well but usual slasher fare.The weapon of choice a pick axe.

Bottom line is if you're a slasher fan and especially a slasher in the woods slasher fan or a Crispin Glover fan you won't be disappointed by this movie.

3 and 1/2 stars

A group of kids in a van head out to the woods to pan for gold(and get laid of course) and run into a backwoods lunatic, and tra-la....tra-la.....tra-la. Zero, repeat, zero here will surprise the viewer. Everything is strictly by the numbers here. One minute after meeting our cast of victims you want them all to die horrible deaths, even the "nice" girl.

So why in God's name did I give this crud four stars??? The magic two words: Crispin Glover. The forever nutty Glover, who comes across as a headcase when he's playing it straight, really gets to let go here. Granted, his psycho isn't one of the more charismatic slasher psychos of all time and probably won't go down as such in horror film history, but it really is fun to watch him, especially when he does things like offer a woman a "hand sandwich" and brutally squashes a small dog with one mighty stomp right in front of it's owners. One of the very few bits of originality on display here is a mechanical catapult that launches pickaxes....like tons of pickaxes. There's also a homemade saw apparatus that, when triggered by a tripwire(Glover likes his boobytraps), flies out of the bushes and takes the legs off of an unlucky paintballer.

So, I can certainly see why folks may not like this film as it is derivative of just about every backwoods slasher flick out there. But Glover is one thing that makes it fun and keeps it from being a two star deal.

The premise of the movie is nothing new but the acting was horrible. The worst part being Simon's accent. I got so annoyed everytime he would open his mouth and say "You didn't say Simon says"....The rest of the characters were rather flat...the cheating boyfriend, the best friend cheating with the boyfriend, the stoner and ect. Also, all the flying axes get a little old after the first few times. What I wanted to know was how he could set them all up so quickly...?? The final showdown was odd and cheesey. All things considered it was a very lame and boring movie.

I am still new to the horror movie genre, and maybe I'm a noob at this. But, seriously the movie is nowhere near good. Crispin Glover does what he does best, I can recognize his psychotic face from a mile away and still run like hell. But, the story line and the graphics quality was disappointing. The first few minutes watching the movie I thought "This is not going to go well" but then I realize the name Blake Lively on the cover and was relieved. "Thank goodness" I said, but then I sat through the whole movie only to see Blake enter 5 minutes in the end saying a few lines, looking hot as usual, and capiche. End of movie.

I like Crispin Glover and i am a huge horror and genre fan, but this movie was weak, really weak. I like movies sometimes that are bad, because they are bad in a way that is funny or even enjoyable. This was a movie that was bad and after it was over I say "I just wasted an hour and a half (or however long it was) of my life on this crap!"

Just watched this on FearNet and will definitely buy this on dvd! I love crappy, gorey, over the top films and while it breaks no ground it harkens back to the beloved films of the 1980's that throw away plot and logic for gore gags and fun. Crispin Glover is great as Simon and this movie delivers on all levels. Fans of the original Mother's Day, Texas Chainsaw 2 and others of this ilk will enjoy this. I am not saying it is as good them, but good for a chuckle and midnight rewatching. Recommended!

This was one of the worst movies I've seen in recent memory. I'll start off by saying that all the sped up and slo-mo effects were unnecessary and honestly annoying. The kill scenes were cheaply done CGI which looked terrible for the most part. It's a spoiler, but in the last attack scene of the movie the 'dream girl' literally bursts through a tree and a burned body to attack Simon/Stanley. My biggest problem with this movie is that I know Cripin Glover can do so much better. I'm sure he did the best with the script he was given, which wasn't much, but I'd have passed on this role. After seeing him in Rivers Edge and Willard it was almost painful to watch him play this character. I'm just glad I got this used for six bucks and not the twenty-five amazon is asking for it

Simon Says is a slasher movie along the lines of Wrong Turn and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only it has a slap happy Crispin Glover standing in for the cannibals. There's also a lot of dark comedy bits in this one. And one scene reminded me of a scene from Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives, you know where people playing paint ball start getting killed off one by one. Oh, yeah, this movie is gory. If you're tired of PG-13 horror or horror that plays it straight, then give Simon Says a chance. You might just be entertained like I was.

For many years it used to be the image of Jason Voorhees when you think about a maniac killer roaming the woods and slaying campers, but after seeing this movie... well.... you still will.

Crispon Glover plays the worst role I have ever seen him do. The guy must be kicking himself that he screwed up by demanding more money to be in the Back To The Future sequels and is now remembered for his stupid idea he had to play a weirdo on the Letterman Show many years ago.

This role must have taken real desperation to play. Now this movie could have been something, something decent that is, but two actors in this movie ruined it for everyone else. The first is an annoying stoner character who does nothing but smoke joints throughout the movie and saying stupid things. He is the type you want to see killed off as soon as possible, but they dragged him out and gave him some lame attempt at trying to make out the stoner is a kick-244 hero in waiting, who is going to save the day and seek out the woman he has a crush on, and it just ends in you rolling your eyes at the pathetic attempt they make for the audience to see there is more to him then a stoner with no future.

Then there is Crispon Glover playing Simon. First off, the story behind this character doesn't pay off, there is supposed ghosts or just weirdos who wont stay in that town that give the back story of Simon and his brother, in which the scene was not needed as there is no pay off later as to what the hell it was put in for other then some stupid way to tell the backstory, but done in such a lame way that it leaves plot holes open.

Then there is the accent of this character. Plain and simple, it is either the most annoying and worst accent you will ever hear because it's just that bad, or you just know Crispons voice too well that you do not accept it is his voice.

The kills in the movie are not that bad, and the story itself was decent, but it is those two actors that killed the movie with there performance, that and keeping the stoner in 45 minutes too long.

As I said before, it seems like Crispon is kicking himself for not doing Back To The Future 2 & 3, as he trys to recreate a little scene in this movie like that of in BTTF when he lays out Biff. The same shot of the clenching fist is recreated in this film, but I did not see it as a calling card, or tribute, or homage to that scene, as more a desperate attempt at trying to add something to gain more attention to himself.

All this movie needed was the stoner cut down early, and either Crispon replaced or have him play it in a way you can stand instead of laugh at how bad it is. And it would not suprise me if Crispon thought he was being artistic or innovative to play a character that is a friggen joke and badly acted while mostly everyone else put all there effort into there roles.