5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great [Hardcover]

Terri L. Orbuch (Author)

Book Description

Release date: October 27, 2009

What makes marriages last? What makes couples happy?
Is it possible for a so-so marriage to become a great one?

From Dr. Terri Orbuch, the renowned therapist and nationally recognized relationship expert known as The Love Doctor®, comes a book that breaks new ground in marital relationships. The head researcher in a large-scale, unprecedented study funded by the National Institutes of Health—which has followed 373 couples for more than twenty-two years and is ongoing—Dr. Orbuch made some remarkable discoveries about happiness, sexuality, human mating patterns, and relationship longevity. In 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, she releases the study’s findings to the public in a book for the first time, sharing her insights and never-before-revealed strategies for improving and enhancing your marriage—at every stage.

Do you remember the feeling of first being in love? Based on the latest research about what works in happy marriages, Dr. Orbuch offers an accessible, step-by-step roadmap for reconnecting with those feelings and gaining a deeper appreciation for the things you and your spouse share. She defines the five simple strategies to help couples navigate the daily minefield of marriage…from defusing frustrations that erode your relationship to the simple things that will keep your partner happy…from the 10-minute rule to help you really get to know your spouse to reducing boredom and weeding out unprofitable behaviors.

Filled with exercises, check lists, and some surprising statistics, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great will help you bring happiness, joy and fulfillment to the most important relationship of your life.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"For couples in search of a relationship roadmap, this invaluable guide could well make the difference between a marriage that fails versus one that succeeds."—Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First

"After 20 years of researching relationships and marriage, Dr. Terri Orbuch has put pen to paper to write 5 Simple Steps. I only want to know: What took her so long! She takes cutting-edge research from the halls of academia and applies it to the homes (and bedrooms) of married couples. She has produced a brilliant guide to marital happiness with humor, warmth and a personal touch that will inspire couples for years to come."—Scott Haltzman, M.D., clinical assistant professor, Brown University Department of Psychiatry and Human Behavior, and author of The Secrets of Happy Families

"Here, in a practical and inspiring book, Dr. Terri Orbuch shares her considerable wisdom and insights with couples who want to transform their marriage into the partnership they always wanted. Dr. Orbuch blends scholarly research with clinical sensitivity to provide couples with specific guidelines for reinvigorating closeness and rekindling their marriage. There are simple but powerful suggestions here for couples to follow, to benefit them at every stage of their relationship."—Thomas Bradbury, Ph.D., professor and co-director, UCLA Relationship Institute

About the Author

In addition to her role as the project director of The Early Years of Marriage Project, Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., is research professor at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan and a professor at Oakland University. The host of the weekly “The Love Doctor®” radio show” on VoiceAmerica.com, she’s been a marriage therapist for more than twenty years. She lives in Michigan with her husband.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Delacorte Press; 1 edition (October 27, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385342861
• ISBN-13: 978-0385342865
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #156,278 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Marriage doesn't have to be hard work! January 26, 2010

By PGB

Format:Hardcover

Marriage doesn't have to be hard work! This is one of the first messages that popped out at me while reading Dr. Terri's fantastic new book on how to have a happy marriage. She sustains that hopeful, upbeat attitude throughout the book. If you're tired of the negative, tough-love relationship advisors from TV, you will love this book by one of America's most esteemed relationship researchers and marriage experts. I was impressed not just by the practical tips and senseible strategies, but by the fact that Dr. Terri bases all of her advice on findings from the landmark NIH-funded marriage study that's been ongoing for nearly 25 years. In other words, this is credible science backed up by years of researching and observing real married couples.

I had a recent experience where I shared some of Dr. Terri's marriage tips with my book group ladies. They were riveted. For example, they were as surprised as I was by the finding that men need more compliments and small shows of attention than women do. (That's because women get lots of attention from people other than their spouses--girlfriends, family, even casual acquaintances, so they don't need as much from their husbands.) Men, on the other hand, experience real distress if they don't get this from their wives, and it can lead to marital unhappiness. So, I said to the ladies, tell your man he looks sexy in his jeans, or that he smells great, or that you love the way he smiles. WATCH WHAT HAPPENS! Could it really be that simple to make your marriage great? All I can say is, try it. It's like an instant happiness potion. Who knew it took so little?

I also loved Dr. Terri's 10-Minute Rule (talk to your spouse every day for 10 minutes about anything other than the household, money, work, kids, or relationship).... Tried that one with my partner too, to equally great results for both of us. We're still doing it! Don't worry, ladies. I shared with him some of the tips for making wives happy too. (Like, if you want to spark a wife's libido, take her away from the house. Studies show women are more aroused when they are in surroundings unrelated to household responsibilities like chores and kids.) He got so intrigued, he read the book too.

Try the tips and exercises. Do the quizzes. Talk about it with your mate. Watch your sex life and your marriage return to the honeymoon phase. We've been together for 16 years and we're delirously happy--in a new, fresh sort of way.

I just can't say enough about this guide to marital happiness. It should be on every married couple's bedside table. Read more ›

13 of 16 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Sage Advice for Enhancing Marriages November 21, 2009

By John H. Harvey

Format:Hardcover

Orbuch's new book is filled with advice about concrete steps to take to enhance the quality of a marriage. Orbuch herself is a leader scholar of close relationships, being a university professor (Oakland University and University of Michigan), and having directed for over two decades the Early Years of Marriage Project begun in the 80s by the late Joe Veroff. She is a distinguished researcher, therapist, teacher, and national media personality (known as "The Love Doctor" on her syndicated radio show). So she knows this subject matter very well, and in this book presents her knowledge in an extremely lucid and compelling manner.

The book is made more credible by the judicious use of reports of relevant research (many of which are thoughtfully set off in boxes from the text). Central to the lessons taught in this book is that every little act counts in a marriage. The reader learns to be more aware and to appreciate the dynamics of closeness that are on display in almost every marital situation. The reader learns about the importance of routinized acts (such as a short getting to know your partner) each and every day. The book is a well-written,-edited read and is so engrossing and challenging (can all these marriages really be saved?) that it could be read in one evening.

Overall, what one comes away with from reading this book is the author's abiding hope, passion, and desire to understand the processes that affect long-term closeness in relationships. Orbuch strongly communicates these qualities and in so doing tells a number of interesting, instructive stories about persons whom she and her colleagues have interviewed, and even about events in her own marriage of almost twenty years. Early on, she notes her position that most marriages can be preserved and made better.... However, she points to a reasonable caveat that marriages involving significant physical or emotional abuse are likely beyond the purview of this book, and that persons in such situations should seek professional help. True to her over-arching optimism, even in such situations, she suggests a person can have hope and deserves to find happiness in a close relationship.

As a teacher in this area for over three decades, I wish that this book had been available long ago to recommend to the countless students asking for a reader friendly primer to give to their partner, parents, or friends. It is a book that would be a wonderful book for a book club to use and debate. I doubt that readers will agree with all of Orbuch's major points. For example, one could approach this topic by arguing that there likely are types of marriages other than those involving abuse in which the partners need to recognize that there isn't hope to continue. Possibly the partners were so ill-suited personality-wise, or otherwise, from the outset that reconstructing the marriage is a super-human task. Perhaps they are too ravaged by a trauma such as the loss of a child that there just isn't a way to move beyond hurt,pain, and anger to form a viable future. Interestingly, I bet Orbuch would counter-argue such examples, and I bet one can find many avenues of logic in her book to support such a counter-argument. Nonetheless, such issues are illustrative of the types of relationships dilemmas that groups might explore via the use of Orbuch's book.

In the half-century of relatively high divorce rates in the U.S., scholarly and self-help writers have had little impact on reversing divorce rates. Orbuch's book represents a solid shot at providing practical and wise information and perspective to help people who want to make their relationships work.

John H. Harvey, University of Iowa Read more ›

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Too repetitive October 10, 2012

By Nanda

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

The overall ideas are great! However, she seems to repeat herself over and over again! Got to the point where I didn't even want to continue reading it.

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars "Good vs. great" is no way to look at the mystery of marriage May 7, 2012

By Margaret Thompson

Format:Hardcover

I understand the motivation behind this book. There are so many "average" marriages out there. Maybe the majority of marriages are "good." But who wants a "good" marriage? Gimme a great marriage!

Unlike The Couple's Survival Workbook by Olsen and Stephens, which focuses on qualitative, not quantitative transformation of a marriage, this book focuses on incremental improvement in a marriage.

I think this is missing the boat. The points of comparison are all off. I think we ought to be looking instead at describing a marriage as "enduring," "intimate," "mutually self-sacrificial," "vital," "inspiring," "generous," and more. These kinds of qualities have the power to change each other and the world for the better. "Good vs. great" simple doesn't. It turns one's own marriage -- the core human-to-human relationship in ones life -- into something to give a rating to like a dishwasher or pizza (or like a book).

The framework of this book is one that can truly lead to qualitative life- and world-transforming change. But if you simply are looking to "improve" your marriage, go ahead. This book will probably help you fine.

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Simple and Well-written March 5, 2010

By Lance Peterson

Format:Hardcover

I have had the pleasure of working with Dr. Orbuch on various projects (including my dissertation) and familiarizing myself with her data. She draws her conclusions from a rich data set, consisting of both qualitative and quantitative data. As one who personally knows her and her work and has extensively studied the subject of marriage, I can say without equivocation that she knows her stuff! Moreover, in this book she has a keen sense of knowing how to use humor, quotes that emphasize her points, and a writing style that is both simple and captivating. As someone who has both studied marriage and had a successful marriage 15 years running, I especially appreciated her point about the normality of romance fading in the early years of marriage. Our individualistic culture inundates us with messages about how marriage should be romantic and passionate all the time. If spouses accepted her wisdom in debunking this myth, I believe their marriages would have a far better chance of being successful.

Lance Peterson
Case Western Reserve University