Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids [Hardcover]

Kim John Payne (Author), Lisa M. Ross (Author)

Book Description

Release date: August 25, 2009

Today’s busier, faster, supersized society is waging an undeclared war . . . on childhood. As the pace of life accelerates to hyperspeed–with too much stuff, too many choices, and too little time–children feel the pressure. They can become anxious, have trouble with friends and school, or even be diagnosed with behavioral problems. Now, in defense of the extraordinary power of less, internationally renowned family consultant Kim John Payne helps parents reclaim for their children the space and freedom that all kids need, allowing their children’s attention to focus and their individuality to flourish.

Based on Payne’s twenty year’s experience successfully counseling busy families, Simplicity Parenting teaches parents how to worry and hover less–and how to enjoy more. For those who want to slow their children’s lives down but don’t know where to start, Payne offers both inspiration and a blueprint for change.

• Streamline your home environment. The average child has more than 150 toys. Here are tips for reducing the amount of toys, books, and clutter–as well as the lights, sounds, and general sensory overload that crowd the space young imaginations need in order to grow.

• Establish rhythms and rituals. Predictability (routines) and transparency (knowing the day’s plan) are soothing pressure valves for children. Here are ways to ease daily tensions, create battle-free mealtimes and bedtimes, and tell if your child is overwhelmed.

• Schedule a break in the schedule. Too many activities may limit children’s ability to motivate and direct themselves. Learn how to establish intervals of calm in your child’s daily torrent of constant doing–and familiarize yourself with the pros and cons of organized sports and other “enrichment” activities.

• Scale back on media and parental involvement. Back out of hyperparenting by managing your children’s “screen time” to limit the endless and sometimes scary deluge of information and stimulation.

Parental hovering is really about anxiety; by doing less and trusting more, parents can create a sanctuary that nurtures children’s identity, well-being, and resiliency as they grow–slowly–into themselves. A manifesto for protecting the grace of childhood, Simplicity Parenting is an eloquent guide to bringing new rhythms to bear on the lifelong art of parenting.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Waldorf educator and consultant Payne teams up with writer Ross to present an antidote for children who are overscheduled and overwhelmed by too much information and a fast-paced consumer culture that threatens the pace and playful essence of childhood. Payne claims that a protective filter should surround childhood, rather than the competitive, stressful adult world that has encroached on childhood's boundaries, preventing kids from developing resiliency with a sense of ease and well-being. But Payne is not a doomsayer: he presents a wealth of practical ideas for reclaiming childhood and establishing family harmony. In chapters covering four levels of simplification—environment, rhythm, schedules and Filtering Out the Adult World—Payne explains how parents can tackle extraneous stuff and stimulation by reducing the mountain of toys, limiting scheduled activities, providing valuable downtime and employing such pressure valves as storytelling and periods of quiet. According to the authors, limiting choices and activities will lead to kids who are more secure and less stressed, and to parents whose days are calmer. With fewer choices, Payne explains, families have the freedom to appreciate things—and one another—more deeply. Though simplicity parenting may seem a stretch for some, others will find that Payne's program for restoring creative play, order and balance is long overdue. (Sept.)
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Review

“This book is a wake-call for all of us who have misjudged what children need and can handle, and who have wandered so far from the best practices that we are raising neurologically damaged and emotionally stunted human beings as a result. Simplicity Parenting arises from dialogues with real people, from their questions and their needs. Kim John Payne is sharp, funny, and wise, and–best of all–he has something shattering but positive to say to an America that is struggling to know how to live.” —Steve Biddulph, author of The Secret of Happy Children

“If you are raising children in these anxious times, you need this book. It will inspire you, reassure you, and, most important of all, it will remind you that less is more, that simplicity trumps complication, that rhythm and routine bring peace to the soul. In this profound and practical guide, Kim John Payne offers parents a doable, step-by-step approach to simplifying everyday family life, from the toy box to the dinner table. In the process, he reveals to us the rewards to be found in slowing down, savoring our children’s childhoods, and more fully enjoying our own adult lives.”—Katrina Kenison, author of Mitten Strings for God

“Simplicity Parenting takes the unusual and unusually wise stance that sometimes less can be more. Less as in less frenetic activity, less racing around, less clutter. Payne provides practical strategies for turning down the volume and creating a pace that fosters calmness, mindfulness, reflection, and individuality in children. Simplicity Parenting should be on every parent’s (indeed, every person’s) reading list.”—Kathleen A. Brehony, Ph.D., author of Awakening at Midlife

“Brilliant, wise, informative, innovative, entertaining, and urgently needed, this timely book is a godsend for all who love children, and for children themselves. It provides a doable plan for providing the kind of childhood kids desperately need today!” —Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness

“Kim John Payne helps parents better understand one of the most challenging issues of our time–the hurried, materialistic, competitive, highly pressured nature of today’s childhood. After reading Simplicity Parenting, parents’ new mantra will be ‘less builds security, sanity, and connection.’ And they will have the tools they need for implementing this mantra in their families.”—Diane E. Levin, Ph.D., co-author of So Sexy So Soon

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books (August 25, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345507975
• ISBN-13: 978-0345507976
• Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 0.9 x 9.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (83 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #430,046 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

94 of 95 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Has made me a calmer, happier, yet more effective and aware parent February 22, 2011

By TC

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

As a clinical psychologist, and mother to an 18-month old, I cannot say enough wonderful things about this book. Since becoming pregnant, I have felt this certain 'pressure' to do do do for my child. Intuitively, I felt that it was too much, both for me and my child.This book helped me see how it was too much. My favorite part of course, as with everyone else, is the chapter on toys. I got rid of (put away) all toys that did not sustain my daughter's attention or were just plain annoying! I am trying to minimize the amount of toys, keep an open space, and buy only toys that stimulate her imagination. What I am finding is that I am a lot more interested in her world because of this (what adult can really stand Elmo for too long). I have backed off from feeling that I need to play with her, and as a result, am more calm and aware of her. We also started integrating a day of the week (sundays) where my husband and I do not use the internet or tv. We found ourselves feeling calmer and feeling more bonded as a family. There are probably a million more things that I could say about this book, but the bottom line: do not hyperparent (or your child will end up in my office with anxiety or related concern), keep things calm, get rid of ugly or loud plastic toys, and get out into nature! Read this book:-)

55 of 56 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and Inspiring October 1, 2009

By Kathlynn Snyder

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

This is a terrific, thoughtful book that all parents should read. It is so easy to fall into the trap of "more stuff" when you are a parent. There are just so many toys, books, gears and gadgets that before you know it, your house is overflowing with stuff. This book is a wonderful response to that problem. It's a great blend of theory and practicality as they combine discussions of "soul fever" with clear strategies for decluttering your home and your life.

I thought that the section on "environment," which deals with the overabundance of toys, was a useful refresher. It motivated me to take a good hard look at my daughter's mounds of stuffed animals and start paring it down.

The sections on "rhythm" and "schedule" were also great. I was particularly struck by her examples of the noticeable impact it made on kids' behavior when more routine and predictability was introduced into their lives.

And finally, the section on shielding your kids from some of the realities of the "adults world" absolutely blew me away. I grew up very much in the thick of parental discussions and it never occured to me that this might not be the environment I should aspire to create for my child.

All in all a great read. Highly recommended.

43 of 44 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars practical and intelligent October 5, 2011

By NW Academic

Format:Paperback

Some of the "simplicity" literature, including some of the parenting lit on "creative" parenting is over the top for me. I am never going to knit or can my own vegetables. This book is different. It gives justification based on psychological theory and research. And its recommendations are practical and concrete, but not overwhelming. It's more about doing *less* (fewer toys, fewer activities) and paying more attention to our children. It is NOT about growing vegetables, cooking your own baby food, or making wooden toys. Nor is it about consequences or how to talk to your children. It is about giving one's children time, space and support to live and grow. Love it!

48 of 52 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Eloquent, Profound . . . and Practical September 15, 2009

By Janet A. Byrne

Format:Hardcover

If you consider yourself a thoughtful parent, pick up this book and see if you measure up to your own standards. You might be surprised to find that you still have a lot to learn--and un-learn. This is a book about de-toxifying your child's emotional atmosphere; about letting childhood unfold as it's supposed to. The case studies alone are some of the most eloquent distillations of childhood I've encountered in any twenty-first-century parenting book, the writing is precise and deft; the ideas, profound and revolutionary. The images--for example, of using giant trash bags to clear noisy "interactive" toys out of your child's bedroom posthaste--are practical and yet have a meaning that extends far beyond the literal. The message is simple--slow down, give yourself and your child time to think, get rid of meaningless static in the home--and the execution of the ideas is as pitch-perfect as the solutions are practical.

In the last two decades, we've "enriched" our kids at every turn. We may now have a generation that's robotically up to speed on important issues like global warming, but what is the price kids pay for this onslaught of information? Is there a connection between information overload and the dramatic increase of 3- and 4-letter disorders and syndromes plaguing our kids? This is just one of the questions that Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross address in Simplicity Parenting. The answers they offer are as straightforward and user-friendly as any thinking parent could wish for.

31 of 33 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars so right February 9, 2010

By E. Harriman

Format:Hardcover

This book is so valuable. I wish I had had it when I first became a parent. I savored each chapter slowly, like a delicious chocolate. Every paragraph was so true, and made me think deeply. How great is that? I mean, honestly, you moms out there, when was the last time a book allowed you to slow down and stop multitasking? Sometimes my life has seemed so scattered, running after the kids all the time, but when I read this I felt like here was some wisdom I could calm down with.

When I started to declutter I actually included the kids in the process, counter to the author's advice. But they loved it! "Can we throw out this, too, Mom?" "This is broken, let's get rid of it, Mom." They were nearly as ruthless as I was. And after we had finished my 5yr old said, "Ooo, I like this room now!" I like it, too. I no longer step on tiny plastic stamps all the time (ouch! ...all thrown out now!), and my daughter can find her favorite hair accessories without a frantic and ultimately fruitless search each morning.

The only thing I even slightly disagreed with was the author's disapproval of parents talking constantly to their children, like newscasters narrating events. I agree that it is easy to overdo this. I also agree that silent pauses are needed frequently, and that kids need a chance to get a word in edgewise. But I disagree when he implies that it is *always* bad. Actually, narrating the actions you and your child are engaging in can be a powerful tool to teach language skills to children whose communication skills are delayed or disordered. It's important to talk about events that the child is actively attending to, and to model vocabulary that the child can then use later.... Staying silent is not always the best parental course of action, especially if the child is not communicating typically.

My favorite parts were:
--keep food simple. That's such a nice way to summarize traditional, healthy diets. No neon colors, no flashy characters on the labels, just simple real food.
--don't let after school activities take over your life. They shouldn't!
--intersperse exciting times with down time, so rest can occur and the special times seem more special. It's so obvious, but it's nice to be reminded.
--it's okay to throw out/recycle junk, and to give away that which others might want. We do not have to keep everything, forever.

Buy this book. You won't regret it. I usually just get books from the library but this was one I had to keep for future reference and I don't begrudge the cost at all. It's so worth the money.
It would make an especially good baby present, also. Parenting can be so much easier if we keep it simple from the beginning. Read more ›