Since You Asked (Perfect Paperback)

~ Cary Tennis (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Witty and Irreverent Wisdom for Lovers, Cheaters, Drinkers and Saints

In Since You Asked Cary Tennis, with the help of Salon.com's 4.4 million monthly readers, has collected some of the most unforgettable letters and best answers from his Salon.com advice column.

Those who open Since You Asked at any page will be instantly caught up in an idiosyncratic modern problem. "Where does my boyfriend really live?" Or, "We're married, but do we have to live together?" And the correspondent who confessed, "I forgot to tell my wife I have a twelve-year-old daughter."

Cary responds to these problems at a deep level: the level of personal myth. In this way Since You Asked is a uniquely intimate book that explores the big questions of life thoughtfully and maybe provides a little peace. This is why one of his readers called him, "The Walt Whitman of advice columnists."

About the Author

Cary Tennis has been Salon.com's advice columnist since 2001 when he replaced Garrison Keillor s column Mr. Blue. Before that, Cary was well known in the San Francisco Bay Area as a poet, spoken word artist, punk rocker and rock 'n roll journalist for The San Francisco Weekly.

Product Details

• Perfect Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: Cary Tennis Books, LLC; 1st edition (November 15, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0979327008
• ISBN-13: 978-0979327001
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #512,568 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Tennis gives great advice!, November 17, 2007

By	CoffeeGurl (MA) - See all my reviews (TOP 100 REVIEWER)

I am not familiar with Cary Tennis's advice column on salon.com, but I thought I'd give this collection of his best columns a whirl because I love reading advice columns. You get some rather interesting letters here. There is one about a twenty-four-year-old virgin desperate to lose her virginity, one about a stepmother who is tired of her overeating and extremely talkative obese stepdaughter, another about a married man with kids in love with a prostitute, and there is one about a woman who has been dating the same guy for five years and has no idea where he lives. There is a wide variety of stories here, and they riveted me from beginning to end. I especially liked Tennis's candid and insightful answers, sprinkled with metaphors and keen observation. There is one story here that, like Tennis, I found difficult to believe, and it's the one about the man who had left a woman years ago and still hadn't gotten over her. The narrative seemed too over the top and interestingly woven, not to mention too Lifetime-movie-of-the-week-like to be real. I'm glad Tennis let him know what he thought of it. The questions I found most compelling were the ones centered on physical, verbal or any form of abuse and the ones centered on women who have a hard time trusting others. Those particular columns hit very close to home and I liked Tennis's answers to them. Since You Asked is a great collection of Cary Tennis's best columns. The one thing I would have liked to see was a table of contents. The columns are thrown in randomly throughout the book. It would have been easier to break them into categories. Other than that, I enjoyed this book.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Challenge of Everyday Unhappiness, May 14, 2008

By	Clary Antome "www.literature-for-aliens.net" - See all my reviews

Ideally the appeal of literature should be its capacity to transport us away from our own limited views and worries, and confront us with parallel fates - which are sometimes worse, but often just different from our own. It is a proven fact that human brains get a kick out of watching, reflecting about and imagining "solutions" for trouble, even when it doesn't directly concern us. At bottom we are all social voyeurs, as can be seen in our penchant for gossip but also our love of fictional narratives. And here is a very appealing book, consisting of nothing but human trouble - and one man's attempt to provide advice, help or just consolation.

Although this volume's collected advice columns hardly constitute anything resembling a novel, we can in fact read it like a rich narrative, with Cary Tennis himself as the main character, the constant voice throughout the book, reacting to the many passing voices and their problems. This must be quite a challenge for any writer: to be continually confronted with characters he has not constructed, whose fate he can hardly make out, much less control, and who expect from him some kind of guidance or even illumination (as we all expect of good literature, anyway). Come to think of it, this sounds like a postmodern plot. And does our hero/writer live up to the challenge? Undoubtedly. Each letter and reply by Tennis are well worth reading for their complexity, surprising twists and, above all, some guaranteed sparks of enlightenment.

Tennis has armed himself with some of the most effective weapons known to writers. There is, first of all, common sense - a tool more difficult to handle than it may sound (usually confused with cliché) - by which I mean an instinctive understanding of the unspoken rules commanding human behaviour and interaction (whatever our individual differences), such as a keen sense of (in)justice, the value we place on status and hierarchies, our competitive mood when it comes to sexuality. In short, some conflicts cannot be avoided because they are part of human nature. By keeping this in mind, Tennis is able to distinguish between trouble which befalls us quite incidentally, and trouble which we have invited by breaking common rules. His advice therefore often "rings true", as it taps into our shared values and assumptions. Then there is Tennis's keen eye/ear for the implicit or subconscious messages of the advice seekers, whereby he tries to glean from the little they write/say the bigger implications left unspoken, which constitute the real source of trouble (our brains are more prone to confabulate/beautify/deceive than to speak out the whole painful truth). If sometimes Tennis chooses to directly confront the advice seeker with his blunt interpretation of an ambiguous letter, often he opts for symbolic communication - another tricky but valuable tool on which our most appealing mythologies and narratives are built. This allows him to address the codified messages of the letters from a more general perspective, providing advice that leaves space for ambiguity and individual interpretation, reminiscent of ancient oracles or koans. Finally, Tennis resorts to a great degree of empathy, frequently shifting the focus of his replies to himself, in order to draw parallels and possibly console the person plagued by trouble. By assuring his reader not only that he has had his own fair deal of unhappy experiences, but also that he himself has often made mistakes, Tennis reinforces his image of firm but friendly listener/speaker - like the idealized wise old men our ancestors relied on for guidance and advice.

Of course, the one thing missing in this narrative - just like in real life itself - is the "happy end". There actually isn't that much help any human can provide, as our troubles are often based on teensy-weensy implications which we cannot control anyway. The advice presented here will not necessarily solve much. But Tennis's column may perhaps alleviate people's suffering by providing a platform where readers can acknowledge that, yes, existence is a real bummer. And some of us have been dealt a very bad hand. All Tennis can do, in the end, is to reiterate Freud's dictum that while it is solely up to fate to remove our sufferings, much will be gained if we learn to defend ourselves as best as possible against "everyday unhappiness". Altogether, this book provides a fair overview of the varieties of human trouble and everyday unhappiness (in times of so-called peace and so-called prosperity), reminding us that we all have a burden to carry - and unfortunately some burdens feel heavier than others. Herein lies the tragedy of life. And the essence of all good literature.

5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating reading, October 8, 2009

By	J. Portnick (SF, CA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Amazon Verified Purchase

[...]. I started reading his columns a few years ago, and have read him daily ever since. Occasionally I find a letter and associated response to be less than interesting, but overall I find Cary's responses to be creative yet practical, empathetic without being syrupy sweet, and well thought through, sometimes wrapped up in a stroke of genius. People write in to Cary with problems ranging from banal to life or death, and he manages to respond uniquely and helpfully to each person whose letter is published. For a middle-aged white man, he has a point of view which is not just global, but universal. He has a way of putting things in perspective that can really shake you out of your tree, which is an amazing talent.

I read this book in two days and am hungry for more. Cary, please, may I have another?