The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace [Mass Market Paperback]

Sally Bjornsen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 5, 2005

A funny, honest, and empathetic resource for the novice stepmother, which includes advice on The kids: Adjusting to suspicion, resentment, and biological-parent loyalties; The ex-wife: Living calmly alongside her, whether she's a psycho or the perfect mother; The holidays: Accommodating old family traditions and developing new ones; The sex: Keeping love alive through the kids' bed-wetting and nightmares. Plus an invaluable list of resources, websites, publications, and organizations specifically for the new stepmother.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Sally Bjornsen is an author and commercial photographer's agent. A full-fledged stepmother, wife, and collaborative co-mama, she lives happily in Seattle with her husband, their son, and her two stepsons.

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Mass Market Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: NAL Trade (April 5, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0451214196
• ISBN-13: 978-0451214195
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (94 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #26,322 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #5 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Stepparenting & Blended Families
  • #61 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Motherhood

More About the Author

Sally Bjornsen is currently a commercial artist representative, www.sallyreps.com and author, www.sallybjornsenwrites.com. Bjornsen has published one nonfiction book and various essays in anthologies. She is currently working on another non-fiction book. When Bjornsen is not writing or working she is blogging and has her own internationally popular blog called www.thegreatamericanappareldiet.com. Bjornsen has been a stepmother guest expert on the ABC Radio Network's nationally broadcast "Satellite Sisters." She lives in Seattle with her husband Mark, their son and her two stepsons.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Only Good For a Light Laugh, July 11, 2007

By 

KeeKee (Washington, DC) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace (Mass Market Paperback)

Wow. I just finished reading this last night. I was entertained by some of it, and very much wanted to like it, but in the end -- especially the end -- I was extremely disappointed. Potential readers know this: If you are looking for anecdotes about stepmotherhood you'll find plenty of them here... have a cuppa, have a laugh, know that there are others in your boat. But if you're looking for wisdom and practical solutions, steer clear. It's light and quick reading at best, and definitely does not provide sound or professional advice. The predicaments in this book are pitiful and a little sad, and the only answer continually expressed throughout is to lay down and take it -- and, in effect, build resentment. If you're the type of person who does that sort of thing and can actually operate happily taking a back seat for the rest of your life, you will love this book. If you're the type of person who believes ALL parties in these (often but not always) chaotic situations deserve respect and should compromise, then you'll hate it. Guilt is a definite by-product of divorce when children are involved, but your guilt-ridden husband has just as big a part to play in this scenario as you do, such as respecting you and being able to stand up to an ex-wife -- who is often times a bigger problem than the children themselves, and not necessarily because she's a "psycho" (not all ex-wives are the devil). The simple point is, if you choose to settle for the back seat, a husband who chronically avoids conflict will happily leave you there. Finally, I can barely come up with the proper words to express how horrified I was at the advice in the final chapters to have "your own baby" so you not only are accepted by your husband's family (which, by the way, includes you at the helm!), but so you have someone in this world who loves you unconditionally. ??! In an environment with or without stepchildren, I can't think of a worse reason to bring a child into this world... I feel for any little being who is put under that sort of pressure while they're still in the womb.

145 of 166 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Somewhat creepy and also corny (the "sassy stepmom" bit), June 21, 2005

By 

E. Miller "lainy1976" (Seattle, WA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace (Mass Market Paperback)

Sally's book is really good for people who are very willing to compromise much of their lives to accommodate their new partner and stepkids. However, for many women, some of her advice is a little creepy. One subject is: "His Kids Come First - Learning to Love Second Place." She provides an example of a misbehaving stepkid tripping the author, the author falling down, the author scolding the kids, and then dad rushes to the kid's aid, not to the mom who was tripped. Her point is that kids are dependents, so they will necessarily come "first." But who wants to come 2nd? And why phrase it like that? At best, a stepmom needs to tie for first or she will always resent taking a perpetual backseat to the partner and his ex in all matters of scheduling, parenting, discipline, etc. The voices of many of these women profiled are actually quite sad. The undertone to much of their commentary is that of feeling left out and not fulfilled.

The section on deciding to have your own kids is particularly frightening. At one point the author likens having one's own biological children to truly finding a place in your partner's "kingdom." I think that speaks volumes that if you don't lay out really healthy boundaries and high expectations for inclusion and respect, that you will be left feeling like you're not really a part of the family. Who in the world should have to produce a child to begin to get the acceptance, love and respect of ones partner and stepfamily? Creepy, creepy stuff in many sections of this book, but a very good read if you have doubts, as Sally may help you clarify if being in this kind of family structure is what will really work for you.

27 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Yikes, it hits close to home!, May 31, 2005

By 

A. Thomas "xanyat" (New York, NY United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace (Mass Market Paperback)

Although I'm not getting married, I'm very involved with my boyfriend and his five year old son. Recently, we started talking about moving in together and I started to panic. I've had a lot of experience with children, but the territory of co-parenting was new. I realized I had different ideas of parenting and many insecurities about the overall "situation". Questions, feelings, observations, things I had let go of were all issues now. Angry outbursts and frustrated remarks made our relationship go from blissful to sour. It finally came to the point where we both turned to each other and said, "I've never done this before!" When I opened the book and started reading, it felt good that I wasn't going crazy and that I wasn't alone. I told him that I want him to read the book so he could see my perspective--and why it's the 'tiny' things that are a big deal. It also gives me insight to what he's going through. Glad to find this gem.