Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood (Paperback)

~ (Author) "When Alice, a manager in a medical supplies business, decided to become a single mother, she was thirty-six..." (more)
Key Phrases: single adoptive parents, daddy questions, adoption support groups, United States, Murphy Brown, New York (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

In this well-written and informative book, Mattes examines aspects of single motherhood. Her study functions as both a handbook for those who are single mothers by choice as well as a guide for women who are considering taking the plunge. Mattes's suggestions run the gamut from ideas about becoming pregnant or adopting to dealing with relatives, neighbors, and strangers, from parenting and answering the "daddy" questions to handling the legal aspects of parenthood. Appendixes include addresses of support groups, sample legal agreements, and a list of further readings. Although there are a number of books dealing with single parenthood, Mattes's guide deals with a special subset of that group: women who have chosen to parent alone. This very clearly written book is recommended for both public and academic libraries.
Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, Md.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Description

The first handbook for the rapidly growing number of American women choosing single motherhood, written by the director of the national organization Single Mothers by Choice. Mattes presents an accessible and personal analysis of the available options and examines the problems, questions and rewards.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; 1st edition (May 10, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0812922468
• ISBN-13: 978-0812922462
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #23,374 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

98 of 99 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Answer Was Clear, February 14, 2000

By A Customer

I spent 7 years with a man I did not love because I saw it as my only way to have a child. When the relationship broke up, I cried for the next two years, thinking I could never have a baby alone. Too bad I did not know about this book or maybe I would already be a mother.

I always knew donor sperm banks existed, but could no amount of therapy or encouragement helped me to accept that option. And none of the males I encountered accepted to help me conceive. As I read this book my opinion on the use of known donor (such as the man I did not love) versus anonymous donor sperm totally changed and I am now thrilled that we live in an age where options exist for single women.

For anyone who is thinking of becoming a single mother but can't make the jump, this book gives the many positive reasons for becoming a mother now, even if Mr. Right hasn't come along. Although it does not deny all the difficult issues of being a single parent family, it provides solutions to these problems as well. Reading this book made it clear to me that single motherhood is the right answer for me, and I was able to quit crying and do something to make my dream come true. For other women I know it has helped them feel OK about NOT becoming a single mother.

This book is very readable and tells stories of women with whom you can identify. It gives some resources at the end, and helps connect you to the support group available in most cities. I highly recommend it as a starting point for those who are considering having a child even though they have not yet found their life partner.

70 of 70 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading for single women contemplating motherhood, April 12, 2003

By	Carol C. "ccjello" (Kansas City, MO USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)

There are a lot of books about there about being a single mom, but this is the only one I've found about deciding to become a single mom. Single Mothers by Choice is an organization comprised primarily of women in their thirties and forties who, for whatever reason, have not found a permanent relationship, but still want to be mothers and create families. I would guess that most of the readers of this book are educated professional women with ticking biological clocks who might have liked to raise children with Prince Charming in a traditional family setting, but that opportunity did not arise, so they are considering other alternatives. The book is directed at women who are not in a permanent relationship with someone who will assume a serious parenting role in the child's life; unmarried women who are part of a committed partnership, either straight or lesbian, and have already decided to start a family, might not find the book to be very useful. (In other words, although the book discusses adoption and donor insemination, this book's primary emphasis is NOT as a resource guide for couples who have already decided on adoption or insemination.) Jane Mattes, the author, is the single mother of a 17 year old son (at the time the book was written) and a counselor who has traveled around the country meeting with many single mothers by choice. The book discusses all of the things that a single woman should consider before embarking on motherhood, and provides lots of guidance and anecdotes for women who have made the decision. (I found the stories of other SMCs to be particularly helpful; reading about how some of the women's parents reacted to their decisions made me feel much better about the conversations I've had with my own parents.)

This is not a feminist manifesto. The book doesn't necessarily encourage single motherhood; rather, it encourages women who want to become mothers to be aware of their options and make informed decisions about whether motherhood is right for them. The book doesn't minimize or ignore the possible difficulties that single mothers by choice may face, emotionally, financially, and in all ways. Although the incidence of single motherhood by choice is rapidly increasing, there is still a certain element of the population who thinks that you need to be 25 and happily married to be a good mother, and will not hesitate to pass judgment on a woman who chooses to go it alone. The book is particularly helpful in providing guidance on how to deal with that judgment, and it provides a lot of reassurance, through statistics and anecdotes, that a child born to a loving, caring single mother will likely turn out to be well-adjusted and just fine.

Topics covered include a discussion of whether single motherhood is a good choice for any individual, ways through which to become a single mother (known & unknown donor insemination, adoption, etc.), dealing with and telling others about the pregnancy, legal aspects of single motherhood, dealing with the "daddy" issue as the child becomes older, dating, subsequent marriage, and such. There is quite a bit in the book that deals with parenting as a single mother, rather than simply conception, pregnancy, and childbirth. It doesn't convey for a moment that single motherhood will be easy, but it does convey that for many women, it can be highly rewarding. The author emphasizes what is in the best interest of the children, and discusses the importance of having positive male role models in a child's life.

31 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars before, during and after advice, March 24, 1999

By A Customer

This book has been very helpful. Women who choose to be single moms have different issues from women who found themselves (through death or abandonment) to be single moms. This book gives a nice overview of many issues and gives lots of good resources in the back. It also spends some time talking about the thought that goes into becoming an SMC and how to get help with this crucial decision. For many, discovering a pregnancy leads to the discovery of single motherhood. For SMC's it's the other way around. The book also gives time to going through the process and then NOT choosing motherhood and ends with practical "parenting alone" information. Any woman (or man) considering choosing single parenting should start with this book. It's not packed with tons of info, but it's a good starting place.

The only reason I couldn't give it five stars is that it's a little negative about encouraging women with less than stellar financials to embark on this road. Not necessarily poor advice, but we "poorer" women need hope too.