Customer Reviews

Single, Not Separate: How to makethe church family

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book is a "must buy" for church leaders, singles (over 25, including never married, divorced, widow/widower, etc.), and married couples. I liked the book because it is written in a qualitative style (from experience) yet includes (look carefully) a quantitative style, e.g., "factors = problems," assumptions, and buzz words of "change agents." She deals well with pain issues that singles suffer, as well as underlying issues such as envy and jealousy-which keep singles and couples at bay.

Ms. Virginia McInerney gives practical examples how to assist leaders, singles, and couples in building bridges-what she calls, making the church a family. She states that if the church's ministry is directed at married couples only, the church is missing nearly one-half its adult population.

Although I do not agree with her comments on self-worth and self-esteem (pp. 88, 90, 141, 162), she brings out a strong `rational-emotive-therapy' (my words, not hers) approach later in the book for dealing with pain (see "power of choices, and "process," pp, 165, 166, 168).

What Dr. Barbara DeAngelis has done for singles ("Are you the one for me?") in dating; Ms. Virginia McInerney will do for singles and couples in bridging misunderstandings. The book is based on a Biblical worldview model, and she draws good examples to bring a cultural change in the church for leaders, singles, and couples.

Buy the book, read it, and implement these ideals!

Virginia McInerney's SINGLE NOT SEPARATE is a worthy entry in a sub-genre of Christian publishing that attempts to address the concerns of singles. Ms. McInerney validates concerns about loneliness, yearning for a spouse, and dealing with the painful reminders of one's lack in the lives of married friends in ways few other books have. By taking these feelings seriously, instead of browbeating singles for not being "spiritual" enough or not staying busy enough, Ms. McInerney does readers a hugh service.

The same cannot be said for Ms. McInerney's presumption that singles ministries exist primarily for the purpose of singles meeting other singles to make connections and marry (p. 109, 115). This is simply not the case, as several singles ministries in my area exist to give singles the opportunity to engage in ministry projects or simply come together with other singles who can relate to their circumstances. While getting a date or a spouse may result, it's not the sole intention! The author's sweeping generalization does not cover groups like these, which give singles a chance to come together with others "like them".

Ms. McInerney also presents interacting with married couples and their children from a female perspective. As a 35-year old never-married male, I have to say that these things don't haunt my thoughts the way they would a woman. In fact, I really don't have any interest in interacting with small children, and I daresay many single men feel the same. This seeming desire of Ms. McInerney's to substitute interaction with her married friends' kids for children of her own seems to be the reaction to a ticking biological clock. Men (or most men, anyway) are none to eager to do the same.

A good book, to be sure, but the perspective could have been broader to include men as well.

This book is important to singles and married alike! Are you married and have a sister or brother who is not, but desperately wants to be? Or do you have friends, who have watched you get married, have children, have those children grow, while they continue to pray for a mate? Or maybe you are a Pastor with many singles in your care. This book will show you how you can love them. I am married with several single friends, and this book was priceless in helping me understand their needs. And practically, it lets me know how I can help. The singles I know who have read this, want to buy it for all their married friends, as a way of saying, "Read this. This is how I feel!" Included in the book is a whole section meant specifically for singles, in how to deal with different situations they find themselves in - spiritually and emotionally, which I also found to be a helpful resource. Single Not Separate has changed my life and the life of those I love.

I've now read this book three times (I rarely re-read any book)! As a 40 year old with two teens, I have resolved to remain single UNLESS it is God's plan for me to remarry and he brings someone into my life. Sadly, I have felt that older singles who choose to remain that way (at least for a time) have a difficult time finding a place to "belong" in the church. As the author states, most churches seem to be geared toward couples and as a single adult who does not feel comfortable in the typical "singles ministry" it can be difficult to connect with others in meaningful relationship. This book is not the typical cliche singles book that either tells you to cling to Jesus alone or to go out and find a spouse - the author affirms the realities of the heartache that many singles feel, gives practicle advice and paints a hopeful look at how the church could be if singles and married couples are willing to make a paradigm shift that would include all people regardless of their marital status. I highly recommend it!