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Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must Be Reinvented in Today's Church

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Finally! A Solid Evangelical response to those in the Church who are single and are over 25! First--this book is not a dry, intellectual, sterile treatise on abstinence. No-- this book is alive and born out of the authors' own experience of being in their 40s and single in the Church. The authors hold up a positive, vibrant view of celibacy (already understood more by our Catholic brothers and sisters)that debunks the myth that celibacy is to be equated with repression and immaturity (emotional or spiritual). This book is written from both the heart and the head--and is a much needed conversation starter for this generation.

This book is not trying to say that traditional families aren't important or that those who wish to be married should give up hope. It does, however, remind us that although God does not promise the same blessings and circumstances to everyone, but our differences do not make us unworthy of being a valued member of the family of God. Churches often focus on the biblical illustration that marriage provides, but neglect that singleness too provides a different but just as important illustration of God's relationship to man, one which this book explores in detail in a way that made me fall in love with God all over again.
So many other books on singleness try to salve the "wound" that we are apparently supposed to be afflicted with, but Singled Out calls us to rethink such negativity and reminds us that your martial status and the biological offspring you produce are only temporary in light of eternity. Colon and Field present an intelligent, well researched and scripturally sound counterargument to false assumptions often made by both the secular society and the evangelical church. It is human nature to want to fulfill our longings, but in our eagerness to have what we see others having, to get what we want (even if what we want is a good thing), we must be careful not to ignore God's truth and the blessings he is giving us right now. I challenge anyone who is single, has family or friends that are single, or wants to make sure their church has the right perspective on family to read this book and check out similar conversations on this topic by John Piper (at [...]) and Willow Creek sermons and classes (at [...]).

This is a book much needed by the Christian Church in America, which has too much made an idol of marriage.

The plusses of this book include: I was extremely impressed by the authors' research; it was extensive! I was impressed by their willingness to share the pain they have experienced at the hands of other Christians. This is quite a comprehensive book in 250 pages.

The minuses of this book are: They spend a little too long in lamenting what is wrong (wrong attitudes and behavior in churches toward singles) before getting to their proposed solutions, which doesn't come until the last third of the book, and was the part I was really interested in so that I can be a more loving Christian brother. And, I think they let Focus on the Family off a little too easy.

My prayer is that this book will be widely read and widely heeded by Christians who truly desire the church to be the place where all are welcomed into God's family and not shunned.

Singled Out is the best book I've read in years--I can hardly say enough good about it. It directly addresses a couple of issues most fundamental to those of us living in our western culture (sexuality and the desire to be loved), and does so in a way no one else that I am aware of has done. Beyond that, the conclusions that the authors, Dr. Christine Colón and Bonnie Field, come to are Christ-centric and in line with the new testament in contrast to the vast majority of churches and Christians today, particularly within evangelicalism. Unfortunately, the title and promotion of the book focuses on singles and celibacy. I say this is unfortunate because I fear that this will limit its audience. While these things are central to the discussion in this book, the topics addressed are very important for any Christian today--married or single--and especially for church leaders.

I would certainly encourage any Christian to read Singled Out. Even non-Christians may find this book interesting. While singles will probably find it especially helpful, I want to specifically encourage church leaders to read this book as well. If we operate out of a paradigm that doesn't match truth and reality, we end up hurting people. When this happens, we must shift to a more accurate view, one which is closer to the truth. Singled Out offers this kind of paradigm shift. For this reason, many will no doubt find its message quite challenging.

From the inadequacy of abstinence messages for older singles to the description of how singles are alienated from church to discussion of how singleness and celibacy have been perceived at different times in church history, Colón and Field's work offers much food for thought. It provides a refreshing take on the way singles can contribute to showing how the Church should be inclusive and universal (like God's love for us). Unfortunately, the authors have not made it easy for singles to discuss their ideas. The book includes a bibliography and an index, but a scripture index would also have been helpful. More than that, if the authors really wanted to influence singles in the evangelical church, a study guide or at least a few discussion questions would have facilitated use of this book in cell groups.

As stated in the product description, authors Christine Colón and Bonnie Field "thought that by a certain age they would each be married. But they watched that age come and go--and still no walks down the aisle". But in their attempt to affirm singles dismissed by their churches, they somehow latch onto the erroneous idea that they would feel better if they were considered "celibate". Failing to distinguish between the voluntarily celibate and the temporarily or involuntarily "abstinent" is about as dismissive (not to mention sex-negative) as you can get.

Perhaps there are some singles who crave the hard line, the "God-might-not-want-you-to-marry" admonishment to embrace celibacy. But the vast majority need to hold on to the continued hope that marriage might still happen for them, even if they are long past what would be considered "marriagable age". So should we dash the hopes of many, so as to not offend the piety of a few? Those truly desiring a celibate life are not so needy of affirmation and so ready to take offense. But most others need encouragement to never give up in the power of prayer, for as long as their desire to marry exists. All singles, especially those in the grey areas need our sensitivity and good faith.

But the last thing needed is more bumper sticker flattery that elevates prolonged, unchosen singleness into "celibacy". See the stark language of Matthew 19:11-12 -- Christ does not put a smiley face on the unwanted singleness of those who are "born" eunuchs, or "made that way by men". It is only a gifted few who can make such a choice for the sake of the kingdom -- which is vastly different from the default singleness, abstinent or otherwise, you see so often today.

Colon and Field also fall flat in their handling of sexuality. They whitewash biblical passages that endorse marriage as a means of averting sexual sin and frustration. Whether or not there are some individuals who are capable of resisting their biological urges for a lifetime is beside the point, regardless of the unfair suspicion they may endure. Biblical teachings were crafted with the masses in mind, and where you have large populations of people not marrying, you see manifold social ills. Abstinence isn't the answer, celibacy even less so.

We need to work on removing the obstacles to marriage, not "reinventing celibacy". Dressing up celibacy in old clothes accessorized by extra-biblical notions and fancy prose, a la Lauren Winner, is just intellectual ostentation and cronyism -- at the expense of the bookish lonely, looking for answers.