The Siren's Dance: My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study [Hardcover]

Anthony Walker (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 20, 2003

"I know that you love me because you still make love to me even after we have a fight." She was right. Her sorrow and embarrassment at her outbursts were real, and her attempts to control her anger so earnest that I knew she was trying for me, for herself, and for us. I had to remind myself that I had known that she was intense to the extreme in her experience of life, and that her struggle was my struggle. We would share anger, but we would also share love.

No one could ever love Michelle enough. Not her family, not her friends, and certainly not the men (and women) she so easily attracted, like moths to a flame. But when a final-year med student falls for her while she's recovering from a suicide attempt over her latest breakup, they both may be in for more than they bargained for. Hoping to help cure her of her debilitating fears and explosive rage, Anthony marries Michelle in a secret ceremony that alienates him from his family, and ultimately from himself. Initially mesmerized by her seductive smile, her surprising sensuality, and the why behind her wildly unpredictable behavior, the author comes to realize that he will have to sacrifice his career--and more--in order to be with her.

This achingly honest and true account of Anthony and Michelle's whirlwind year-and-a-half together provides a window into the emotionally intense world of someone suffering from borderline personality disorder, a condition seen in an estimated 2 percent of the general population and 10 percent of mental health outpatients. It also offers the perspective of those most affected--the sufferer's loved ones, whom despite all the upheaval are still compelled to care. So concludes the author: "I hope that my story will be seen more as a case study in such a relationship than as a cautionary tale."

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Walker's disturbing memoir follows the relationship between the author (a psychiatrist) and his wife, Michelle, from its tumultuous beginning in 1985 to their ambivalent last good-bye three years later. The subtitle "a case study" attempts to maintain a professional distance from this devastating relationship, but it's all too clear that the illness from which Walker's wife suffered came close to dragging him down with her. Walker is first smitten by Michelle when, as a medical student, he encounters her on rounds, where she is presented as a recent suicide attempt. He can't understand how such a beautiful, sexy young woman would want to kill herself and returns to interview her for a school presentation. Despite warnings from his teacher, friends and father, he falls deeply in love and is drawn into her world, only to emerge with great difficulty a year later. Walker, an outgoing, athletic, cheerful young man, relinquishes more and more of himself to Michelle and gradually becomes isolated, depressed, devious and even violent as he tries to cope with-and ultimately escape from-Michelle. Walker, who now treats teenage girls with borderline personality disorder, is not an expert writer. His dialogues often sound as if the speakers learned English as a second language. But this intimate narrative, showing how the best intentions of a na‹ve, compassionate young doctor can lead him straight to hell, will fascinate readers who've dealt with similar situations firsthand. The three appendixes provide welcome information about the definition, diagnosis and treatment of borderline personality disorder.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Walker, then a student at a Miami medical center, met and fell in love with a young patient who had attempted suicide. He should have buckled up, for the beautiful Michele was to take him on an exceedingly bumpy ride. Walker, now a psychiatrist, recounts in sometimes graphic detail his three-year relationship with a woman who suffered from borderline personality disorder, which is characterized in part by impulsiveness, inappropriate or intense fits of anger, unstable interpersonal relationships, and suicidal behavior. It is named as it is, Walker says, because psychiatrists first theorized it was a pathology lying on the figurative border between psychosis and neurosis. Walker began his relationship with Michele in hopes of rescuing her from the grips of the terrible ailment. In the end, he was the one who needed rescue. His very personal account, with names and specific details changed to shield privacy, portrays the seductive nature of a "borderline" and how the disorder ravages not only its victims but also those who love them. Donna Chavez
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 192 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Books (September 20, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1579548318
• ISBN-13: 978-1579548315
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 5.8 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (52 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,087,791 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars One-sided, but worth reading, April 5, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: The Siren's Dance: My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study (Hardcover)

It seems most of the people writing reviews here are either BPDs or (former) partners of BPDs, so people either love or hate the book.

The author is one-sided in many ways, presenting himself as a naive victim of Michelle, and doesn't examine in much detail why he married a woman he had just met a few months earlier shortly after a suicide attempt. He presents himself as compassionate, without going into what it probably meant to him to be loved in the manner that a BPD is capable of. I think he has a responsibility to the readers to examine himself in more detail than he does within the book.

However, the book does give a good account of the ups and downs one does get when in such a relationship- maybe more extreme than most people's experience, but extremely validating for anyone who has been through these ups and downs to read through. I'd recommend it for anyone coming off such a relationship, as a starting to help make sense of their own experiences. Just recognize that, in spite of the excellent clinical information given at the end, it is one-sided in many ways.

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Remember That There Are 2 Types Of Borderlines., November 26, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: The Courtship Dance of the Borderline (Paperback)

I thought this was a very informative book and highly entertaining, to boot. I was briefly married to a borderline just like the author, but my ex was an inwardly focused borderline (substance abuse, anorexia, bulimia, self harm, depression, etc.) rather than an outwardly focused borderline (suicide attempts, non stop raging, etc.) like the young lady in the book. The mistakes that this man made are many- starting with his decision to quickly marry a person who he full-well knew was deeply troubled. He met his future bride while she was in the hospital for a failed suicide attempt. Not a good idea. On the other hand, my ex never told me of her diagnosis- I only became aware of it during our custody dispute. (Never underestimate a borderline's ability to hide their true selves.) Part of the entertaining aspect of the book was seeing a medical doctor try to attempt to change a person that all of the information tells us is nearly impossible. He certainly should have known better. I would consider this a must read for anyone who is/was in a chosen relationship with someone who has BPD. I found the fractured relationship between his wife and his parents, especially his father, to be much like what I had to endure. The only reason I gave it 4 stars is because it left a lot of open questions- but maybe that was intentional. The overwhelming question that I was left with was, why didn't he listen to loved ones who were warning him at, seemingly, every turn? A very quick read.

57 of 66 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Abuse, violence, codependency: I couldn't put it down..., April 27, 2002

By 

Irene Matiatos, Ph.D. (Mahwah, NJ USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Courtship Dance of the Borderline (Paperback)

This account of the author's marriage to an abusive woman with BPD reads like a novel - except it really happened! I couldn't put it down. Now a psychiatrist, Dr. Walker details the experiences surrounding his youthful marriage to a charming and captivating - but manipulative woman - who nearly destroyed him. The reader gains an understanding of the BPD mind as well as the partner's co-dependent participation in the events. As Jacqueline's verbal abuse escalated into violence over time, a loving husband progressively lost touch with his inner self, running the risk of becoming violent himself. Neither person set out to hurt the other. Unfortunately, this is how too many of these one-sided relationships go. BPD is poorly understood by the lay public, yet is a prevalent illness more often diagnosed among women than among men. This clearly written and informative book is excellent reading for any person interested in BPD relationships. This book is MUST reading for any man who has been in a destructive relationship with a BPD woman - the woman he just can't do enough for... Dr. Irene