31 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Too much vernacular and too little wisdom, December 27, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: The Sistahs' Rules: Secrets For Meeting, Getting, And Keeping A Good Black Man Not To Be Confused With The Rules (Paperback)
I get nervous when general cultural phenomenoms, like woman finds husband, have to be reinterpreted for black people. I don't see the dating game any different for black women as it is for anyone else in the mainstream. Demand high standards and you either get them or your time won't be wasted.
I find the advice in this book to be contradictory. On the one hand we are told to consider men who don't make a lot of money since rich (black) men may not have morals, but then we are told he's a keeper if he wears Armani suits. Well, that's alright then.
In the author's constant quest to convince us to prioritize asset challenged men on our dance cards, the author tells us about the (bitter) sweet tale of her parents: Her father who is an honest, hardworking yada, yada man who married her mother. Thirty years later, while he's paying two mortagages and a few other necessities, the author tells us her 57 year old mother still has to work to make ends meet. And, she's very happy, the author reassures us. What I want to know, what is that second mortgage that her father is paying on for?
In one chapter, the author tells us that black men don't like women who play games. She doesn't define game playing, but I define it as doing something that you don't want to do at that moment but will do for some long term gain. The author makes a direct attack on The Rules (by Sherrie Fein and Ellen Schneider). The author doesn't agree that one should turn down a Saturday night date on Wednesday; but she does advocate turning down a Saturday night date by Friday at lunch time. What should I do then if I want to see this guy on Saturday night and he has called just after I have eaten my lunch?
She also advises women to leave the guy's house immediately after you have sex with him. The reason she gives for this is that you will show him what a strong independent woman you are. Excuse me? Has she contemplated the security risk that she has created for anyone who wants to do a runner in the night? And wouldn't this also be classified as 'game playing' as most people prefer semi-civilized habits like sharing breakfast after doing the deed and before parting. Ultimately,though if anyone is still worried that the other may consider their sex partner clingy and needy, may be sex just shouldn't occur in the first place. Funny, that the author didn not consider that option.
This is an awful book. It does nothing to increase the self-esteem of black women. She never advocates interracial dating (in fact, she advises us to set our targets lower because black men don't make as much money as white men do) but then if she did, the book may not have been published. I just don't particularly care for being put into a group of `special needs.'
For the record, I am a black American and I don't need to validate what I have just written by telling you what level of education that I have attained or that I am a corporate lawyer or that I am pursuing any other profession.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
We found this book base, banal and, at times, offensive!, January 5, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: The Sistahs' Rules: Secrets For Meeting, Getting, And Keeping A Good Black Man Not To Be Confused With The Rules (Paperback)
How can we even express, in 1,000 words or less, how awful this book is? As we (3 women and 1 man) read the book, we realized that the author's target audience is not EDUCATED African-American women looking for lasting relationships, but women who equate having sex with a man with "getting" a man. With topics like "work the booty" and "how to determine he's into you and not just the nookie," this book does not explain how to identify a quality husband, but rather, merely highlights -- at times even glamourizes -- the pitfalls into which women fall in relationships with men.
As professional African-Americans (we're all lawyers), we can tell you that "The Sistah's Rules" are not written with the intention of finding a man of substance. Rather, they appear to be focused on finding someone with whom to "hook up." If you want to find a husband, stop worrying about "working the booty" and start working on yourself! (This comment comes from a MARRIED man of substance!)
Please note that one of the last rules is "So you got dissed huh? Get over it?" Good advice, since it's likely to happen often if you follow these ridiculous rules.
Futhermore, why does the author feel that the entire book must be written in ebonics in order for it to appeal to African-Americans, or to be considered "down to earth?" One wonders how many copies of "The New York Daily News" (for which the author writes) would be sold if the author wrote her articles in ebonics!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!, March 23, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: The Sistahs' Rules: Secrets For Meeting, Getting, And Keeping A Good Black Man Not To Be Confused With The Rules (Paperback)
Obviously Millner thinks she is one of the few Black women who has found a man. She figures since she has one that she has to write a book on it. (As she is the only one out there who has found a good man) One does not need a book to find Mr. Right. That is the problem with African-American women today. We're too busy looking instead of focusing on ourselves. I'm realizing after reading this book that getting my Master's should be one of my top priorities, not getting a man!
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