Customer Reviews

The Sistahs' Rules: Secrets For Meeting, Getting, And Keeping A Good Black Man Not To Be Confused With The Rules

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

I get nervous when general cultural phenomenoms, like woman finds husband, have to be reinterpreted for black people. I don't see the dating game any different for black women as it is for anyone else in the mainstream. Demand high standards and you either get them or your time won't be wasted.

I find the advice in this book to be contradictory. On the one hand we are told to consider men who don't make a lot of money since rich (black) men may not have morals, but then we are told he's a keeper if he wears Armani suits. Well, that's alright then.

In the author's constant quest to convince us to prioritize asset challenged men on our dance cards, the author tells us about the (bitter) sweet tale of her parents: Her father who is an honest, hardworking yada, yada man who married her mother. Thirty years later, while he's paying two mortagages and a few other necessities, the author tells us her 57 year old mother still has to work to make ends meet. And, she's very happy, the author reassures us. What I want to know, what is that second mortgage that her father is paying on for?

In one chapter, the author tells us that black men don't like women who play games. She doesn't define game playing, but I define it as doing something that you don't want to do at that moment but will do for some long term gain. The author makes a direct attack on The Rules (by Sherrie Fein and Ellen Schneider). The author doesn't agree that one should turn down a Saturday night date on Wednesday; but she does advocate turning down a Saturday night date by Friday at lunch time. What should I do then if I want to see this guy on Saturday night and he has called just after I have eaten my lunch?

She also advises women to leave the guy's house immediately after you have sex with him. The reason she gives for this is that you will show him what a strong independent woman you are. Excuse me? Has she contemplated the security risk that she has created for anyone who wants to do a runner in the night? And wouldn't this also be classified as 'game playing' as most people prefer semi-civilized habits like sharing breakfast after doing the deed and before parting. Ultimately,though if anyone is still worried that the other may consider their sex partner clingy and needy, may be sex just shouldn't occur in the first place. Funny, that the author didn not consider that option.

This is an awful book. It does nothing to increase the self-esteem of black women. She never advocates interracial dating (in fact, she advises us to set our targets lower because black men don't make as much money as white men do) but then if she did, the book may not have been published. I just don't particularly care for being put into a group of `special needs.'

For the record, I am a black American and I don't need to validate what I have just written by telling you what level of education that I have attained or that I am a corporate lawyer or that I am pursuing any other profession.

How can we even express, in 1,000 words or less, how awful this book is? As we (3 women and 1 man) read the book, we realized that the author's target audience is not EDUCATED African-American women looking for lasting relationships, but women who equate having sex with a man with "getting" a man. With topics like "work the booty" and "how to determine he's into you and not just the nookie," this book does not explain how to identify a quality husband, but rather, merely highlights -- at times even glamourizes -- the pitfalls into which women fall in relationships with men.

As professional African-Americans (we're all lawyers), we can tell you that "The Sistah's Rules" are not written with the intention of finding a man of substance. Rather, they appear to be focused on finding someone with whom to "hook up." If you want to find a husband, stop worrying about "working the booty" and start working on yourself! (This comment comes from a MARRIED man of substance!)

Please note that one of the last rules is "So you got dissed huh? Get over it?" Good advice, since it's likely to happen often if you follow these ridiculous rules.

Futhermore, why does the author feel that the entire book must be written in ebonics in order for it to appeal to African-Americans, or to be considered "down to earth?" One wonders how many copies of "The New York Daily News" (for which the author writes) would be sold if the author wrote her articles in ebonics!

Obviously Millner thinks she is one of the few Black women who has found a man. She figures since she has one that she has to write a book on it. (As she is the only one out there who has found a good man) One does not need a book to find Mr. Right. That is the problem with African-American women today. We're too busy looking instead of focusing on ourselves. I'm realizing after reading this book that getting my Master's should be one of my top priorities, not getting a man!

Ms. Millner is very confused. First she recommends finding a spiritual man, then she says that women must sleep with men after the 3rd date or risk losing him. I stopped reading the book after that. Any god-fearing man that demands sex after the third (or any other) date should be dumped! Want a better book? Try "First Class Single". Throw Sistahs' Rules in the trash.

Millner was innovative in forming a timely African-American answer to the popular text, "The Rules." Her text is similar in content, offering "rules" to securing the man you really want, followed by short anecdotes about how the rule may be applied. Some parts are hilarious, like the rule that states, "After you get your swerve on, leave him." In non-ebonical language, this translates to be, "After intimacy, leave, so as not to appear clingly or needy." Millner's use of popular language and culture (she says the way to a Black man's heart is by cooking a good plate of collard greens) makes this a refreshing, humurous read, though no relationship therapist would be happy to sing its praises. Best of all, she offers a money back guarantee to all sisters who do not find Mr. Right within one year of reading her book, so what do you have to lose?

This book would be informative for those who just are out there trying to get a man and nothing else. Some of the suggestions in this book are ludicrous. If you are a self confident woman and know what you want in life, this book is definitely not for you. If you are just subsisting, and trying to find a man to make you, well I suppose this book would help that plan. Furthermore, how can a female write a book on how to get a man, and what keeps him. Wouldn't it make more sense to have a collaboration effort with both a man and a woman on the subject? Or just a man to explain to us women what attracts them to us????? Just some food for thought.

As a well-educated African-American woman (NJ attorney), I am appalled by the readers whom attempted to review a book they obviously didn't read. It appears from reading their review (3 women and 1 man) that they simply read the chapter titles, misquoted them, then proceeded to write their review. For example, there is no chapter entitled "work the booty". If the readers had actually read this chapter which is correctly entitled "Celebrate the Power of the Booty", they would have quickly realized that this chapter deals with the self-image of the African-American woman and overcoming society's narrow beauty standards. I read the book and I enjoyed it. I thought it was witty, though-provoking and entertaining.

Another how-to-get-a-black-man book? Try closing your mouth and your legs! Put God first. Get on with life and how to improve our community and larger society. Love yourself -- always!

No wonder black men are overly cocky or seeking non-Black women. I saw the author on a talk show hosted by Sinbad. She lost credibility with me when she pandered to Sinbad and the male audience.

Also, please remember! Some Blacks like myself really do like and understand standard English. Let off the gutter, I mean, ghetto talk.

Some sections of this book were quite obviously written in response to the Cosmopolitan version of "The Rules". The author states (correctly) in the beginning that the tactics white women use will not (in most cases)work with a Black man. There are some situations that are unique to a black relationship and she deals with many of them in a refreshing, honest, and practical manner. However, I found some of her "rules" to be offensive -- such as, don't wait until you love a man to sleep with him. Now, as a young, Christian woman, I don't believe in pre-marital sex, much less sex without love. Millner makes some disparaging comments about waiting for a ring, and leaves it at that. But I think that she should have been more sensitive and respectful of those women who do choose to wait for marriage or a deeper commitment before sharing their bodies with a man. All, in all, howver, the book was pretty entertaining.

A friend gave me this book because according to her it was very good. I've just finished it and I think that it is o.k. It does have some good advice. Some of the chapters that I did like was: #1 the power of the booty- basically just telling you to love your body the way that it is. #5 Get out of his wallet - letting you know that just because he has everything you dream of he might not have what you really want. There were other chapters that I like. Then there are some that I don't - #30 don't ask question you don't want the answer to- Now the examples she gave are not good at all beacuse they were some questions you would want answers to. But overall this was a o.k book. It's a tell it like it is and some women need that.