The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What [Hardcover]

Terri Apter (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 16, 2007

“The best book on sisters, very important and beautifully written.”—Carol Gilligan, author of In a Different Voice

This “substantial contribution to the literature on sibling relationships” (Library Journal) explores the intricacy, friction, and love in bonds between sisters. Relationships between women are often freighted with a rocky mix of emotions—devotion and disregard, affection and loathing, admiration and envy—leading to anguish and confusion on the playground, in the home, and in the boardroom. Negotiating her layered feelings toward a sister shapes a woman’s psychology as forcefully as do her relationships with her parents. Drawing on compelling interviews and new research, Terri Apter considers the many aspects of the sister relationship from birth through adulthood. The need to fight to differentiate oneself from a sister, as well the protectiveness one feels for that same person, is explained by reference to extensive psychological and biological evidence.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Sisterly love, Apter (The Myth of Maturity) shows, isn't always pure: to differentiate herself from her older sister Sam, teenager Gina manipulated Sam into gaining weight; Kate's three sisters put aside jealousies and power plays to rally around her after she was raped; and Dorri wrongly accused her lesbian sister, Annette, of having an affair with her husband because a teenage Annette used to steal Dorri's boyfriends. This generic study of the complex ties that bind sisters teaches us that a sister's death is one of the most difficult losses to overcome; women's friendships often mirror the sister bond in both pleasure and pain; elderly sisters provide each other with crucial psychological succor; adult women are passionately invested in their own versions of family stories; and female empathy, when viewed through the sister knot, is revealed as a complicated skill "used for control and denigration as often as for care and protection." Throughout, British psychologist Apter's stodgy prose is brightened by excerpts from interviews she conducted with 76 British and American sisters from 37 families; while her analyses are perceptive, she's also treading on familiar territory without the creativity displayed by a Deborah Tannen or Bruno Bettelheim. (Jan. 15)
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Review

Apter skillfully uncovers the complicated feelings inherent in sisterhood....Highly recommended. -- Library Journal

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company; annotated edition edition (January 16, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0393060586
• ISBN-13: 978-0393060584
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.9 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,132,944 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Get this one from the library, January 30, 2007

By 

angusmacscottie "RJB" (Fishers, IN USA) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What (Hardcover)

As a middle sister, I was excited to hear Apter's discussion about her book on NPR. Unfortunately, the best parts of the book were all covered by Apter in her book tour interviews, the book itself was anticlimactic.

Apter has conducted interviews with a number of sisters at various ages and stages of their lives. In the book she dissects the interviews and features tidbits to illustrate certain sibling theories well-known in the genre of psychological literature. This is all ground that has been explored before by other researchers and writers. I found the writing to be stilted and overly academic for a popular treatment of the subject matter. It would have helped for us to have a more thorough family background for the siblings quoted. As it was, Apter failed to interest me in whatever these people were saying, because I wasn't given much of a context for their comments.

I really cannot recommend this book for purchase. It would be best to get this one from the library, if you are interested in the subject matter.

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars complex relationship, March 4, 2007

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reader from California - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What (Hardcover)

A thorough analysis of the complex relationship between sisters. Makes a good case for the differences between sister/sister, brother/sister and brother/brother bonds and conflicts. I especially like how she de-pathologizes the rivalry between siblings. Anyone who wants insight into the sister bond, and especially, I believe, parents of sisters would learn a lot from this book.

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars enlightening and reassuring, March 15, 2007

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sister reader (Chicago) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What (Hardcover)

a wonderful and fresh account of sisters' complex feelings, warm and funny and so helpful!