Customer Reviews

Sixtyfive Roses: A Sister's Memoir

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When reading a biography, the hard part is often if you know the end of the story. This book is a powerful take of life, service, and a family that stood and faced a terrible disease and the medical community, and changed the odds, not only for their family member, but also for all families that deal with Cystic Fibrosis. This is a chronicle of a family's struggle against CF for 22 years. Our narrator, Heather Summerhayes, was 6 when her 4-year-old sister was diagnosed with CF, a disease that, at the time, her sister Pam pronounced as 'Sixtyfive Roses'.

At the time of Pam's diagnoses she was only given months to live. Yet the family believed differently and fought against it. Their mother promised that they would do all they could for sick little Pam and they did. The Summerhayes helped to create the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation with the assistance of the U.S. association and the Sick Kids hospital in Toronto. They set up a Financial Advisory Board as well as a Medical Advisory Board to help families deal with this disease and to raise funds for research for a cure for this illness.

This is a story of true Canadian strength - a story of hope, love and charity. This book, which spans years in a the Summerhayes' family life, will draw you into their struggle with prevailing opinions, medical advances, and always a struggle to love Pam, and seek what is best for her. Pam became one of a first wave of children diagnosed with this disease who lived into adulthood. Now the family and the medical staff were in new territory and 'all bets were off'.

Heather does an amazing job of recalling her family's life, living and dying with CF. She reflects in a sober way on the hard moments and celebrates the victories. The story is told in a well balanced way, not focusing just on the difficulties of living with a terminal disease. Heather tells the story of her cherished sister's life. A life lived to the full.

This book is a powerful story that will give you courage and faith to face the trials in your own life and the lives of the people who are dear to you. Celine Dion writes a moving forward.

The hard part of reading biographies is that you know where the story is going - yet with this one, the journey to get there is so moving and powerful, it will be great read.

(First Published in Imprint 2007-06-29 as in the book review column.)

As a parent to a child with Cystic Fibrosis, I'm always hesitant to read something when the title already tells me how it ends... but I heard from a friend with CF that it was amazing, so I dove in right after I got my hands on a copy of the book... and am I glad that I did!

Heather writes with amazing clarity and has a beautiful talent for drawing the reader into the situation in a way that makes you feel as if you are truly there. The honesty of Heather's portrayal of the family's struggles strikes a deep chord for those who have walked in similar shoes, and while the book is about their specific journey with CF, the lessons to be taken from this book would easily apply to other chronically ill families as well.

I'm especially grateful for Heather's intense and gruelingly honest feelings about growing up as Pam's older sister. The way she captures her mother's feelings and weaves them all together is nothing short of magical. The perspective I've gained from reading this book for the first time has left me earnestly more aware of the potential struggles my oldest child might face while she grows up with her little sister with CF.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with chronic illness ~ families, as well as care providers.

Bonds between sisters can be deeply profound. Life changing, life sustaining relationships with our sisters prove this. Heather Summerhayes Cariou's memoir, "Sixtyfive Roses" demonstrates the bond of sisterhood in a way that readers will never forget. When your sibling, your best friend, is given months to survive, and you vow to die along with her, life becomes a struggle to live.

When Pam was just four years old, and Heather was six, Pam was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, which Pam pronounced Sixtyfive Roses. It wasn't a new experience, handling Pam's illness, since she had been ill all along, but it now had a name, and a death sentence. Heather's family began to learn everything about Cystic Fibrosis; became founders of the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and fought for Pam's life with every fiber of their being. Heather describes how helpless it felt to lay awake listening to her sister breathing, ready to jump up to get her parents, and how scared she was to wake in the morning to find Pam gone from life. The treatments they were to give Pam at home, the long hospital stays fighting infections, the struggle to pay bills, and the toll on everyone's lives shook the foundation of their family but at the same time made them all the stronger. Heather's internal struggle with her feelings and adolescence brought forth an angry young woman; the constant turmoil affected each family member in different ways. The tradition of having tea became a soothing ointment for many moments. Was it enough to soothe their souls?

This memoir is an astounding testament to the strength of family, but also to the reality of illness and a person's spiritual growth. Witnessing Pam finding her own peace and subsequently Heather's whole family is the gift Pam left for us all, wrapped up and crafted into "Sixtyfive Roses" by Heather Summerhayes Cariou. This book is about depth of love and dedication, it is about sisterhood and family, it is about Cystic Fibrosis and the research that is being done, it is about one family's selfless dedication, and it is about Pam. Excellently written, with a foreword by Celine Dion, who has also been touched by Cystic Fibrosis in her family, readers will not be able to put the book down. One can't help but be moved in reading it.

I will not add to the above synopsis of the book but just say I could not put this book down. It was so moving. Even though I knew the ending I was totally caught up in the lives of this family. I got caught up in the sadness and beauty of the writing and have to admit all my sadnesses came into play and I was caught up in their grief as well as my own. The book is extremely well written and there are many places that I have underlined as the philosphy and strength of the author and her sister are so helpful to me. It should be a book helpful for any family struggling with a chronic illness. The family was so caught up in their everyday living trying to keep the ill sister Pam alive that the other children were unintentionally neglected and paid a heavy price for it. The strength of the parents is overwhelming. I was grateful for having found the book and read it.

While 2 women grace the cover, SIXTYFIVE ROSES is no more just for women than Mitch Albom's SUNDAYS WITH MORRIE is for men. The family story of dealing with illness and crisis is also a personal story of growth and hope. I couldn't put it down. This brave family's interaction reminded me of my family and my life, both the positive and the challenges. The hard-hitting writing is both: strong and poetic, beautiful and real. SIXTYFIVE ROSES moved me beyond my expectation. It inspired me to be a better person, to nurture my relationships and self, and to remember that with action and belief, anything is possible.

As a parent of a 20 year old son with C.F, I eagerly read anything I can on C.F. Especially, people's true stories. This book touched me like no other had. It was so real! You felt like you were there with the two sisters, going through their loving but painful journey. I reread the book so many times and it stayed with me. This is book I will never lend out because I want to make sure I will always have it. I will TREASURE IT!

Sixtyfive Roses is a mesmerizing book. With a writing style that is fluid, graceful, and natural, Heather Summerhayes Cariou's memoir reads like a novel. She perfectly balances the heartbreaking events with a warm sense of humor. Often in memoirs where a specific illness plays a large role, the writer forgets that the audience is not so much interested in reading about a disease, they are interested in reading about people who are dealing with a disease. Summerhayes Cariou expertly shares with us a family story where I care so deeply about every one involved; she let's us understand that Pam's fight with cystic fibrosis was not just her own - it was a family battle. Many times throughout the book I shook my head, realizing just how young her parents were as they dealt with crisis after crisis. The way that she so carefully recorded and crafted her sister Pam's thoughts and reflections gave me a strong awareness of who she truly was. But then again, I felt that way with all her family. Her ability to make the reader feel a part of her life - as if we are living at 16 Brier Crescent, or sitting on the wishing rock with her, baking cookies in faded-colored bowls, or shuttling back and forth to the hospital, is a testament to her descriptive writing abilities. Truly, the entire book flashed through my mind like a movie. The way she put her own life out there - her foibles, her vulnerabilities, her shortcomings - is incredibly brave and what makes us, the reader, love her all the more. She reminds us that no one gets through life without obstacles, without pain, without struggle. We find her extremely relatable in regards to our own wounds and issues. It makes us cheer for her. I would often read for hours, not wanting to put the book down. I think I held off on reading the last 40 pages or so, savoring it; one of those books you don't want to end, but can't wait to finish.

How do I describe a book about a lovely young woman who dies? Life-affirming, inspiring, courageous, heart-wrenching, joyful. All of these words can be used about Sixtyfive Roses. Pam Summerhayes, diagnosed at the age of four with cystic fibrosis, could not pronounce the name of her disease, and the poignancy of the title brings home the reality of this story: a very young child has a terminal illness, and there is little anyone can do.

Pam's older sister, Heather Summerhayes Cariou, promised her that she would write about what they lived through together. It was a "deathbed promise" that Cariou kept with dignity, grace and beautifully-wrought prose. The book is a long one, but the story drew me in and wouldn't let me go until the very last page. I cared about these people and wanted to know what happened to them.

This is no "look on the bright side" story. Although Pam's family members made a valiant effort to do just that, the author--and sister--does not spare us the unattractive, difficult moments. Cariou puts us in their home on the day Pam is diagnosed and we feel the pain, the shock and the tears. "I have sixty-five roses," Pam whispers, sucking her thumb. From then on, the book reads like a novel. Cariou shows us what it's like to be close to someone with a fatal illness: the sacrifices made, the different way each person handles it, the relationships that are changed forever, the dreams that die.

Pam and Heather's parents coped by starting the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, helping many other families by connecting them with treatment options and moral support. Cariou depicts her parents as flawed people who often were unavailable to her because her desperately ill sister needed them more. Sadly, her younger brother was also diagnosed with CF and at forty, is one of the longest living Cystics.

In reading Sixtyfive Roses I learned about the unpleasantness a CF patient faces: the bruised arms from hundreds of intravenous punctures, the pencil-thin arms and legs, and the hacking cough from the mucus in their damaged lungs. But while all this was going on, Pam and Heather had a life together as well. They played and went to school and had their own best friends. Pam went to Crippled Children's Camp, graduated from high school, had a boyfriend or two and struggled through college, even opening a daycare center with three friends before she finally lost her battle at the age of 26.

Cariou, who went to college and became an actress and writer, artfully weaves her own life's trajectory into the tale. These two sisters packed a great deal of living and loving into 26 years, and Sixtyfive Roses is a testament to their courage and love. Yes, Pam's life was too short, but it was also full, and that fullness redeems her story.

The book includes Pam's own notes to herself and to her family. She even made a video to share with people going through the same experience. "It sometimes frightens people or they are not prepared for me to be as prepared for death as I am," she said, "or to accept myself as much as I do...Sometimes I wish they would just sit and talk and they would really learn a lot...Sometimes you have to make yourself, but it does help." Pam's words live on to comfort and encourage others.

Read this book: your life will never be the same.

by Linda Wisniewski
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

There is only one problem with the writings of Heather Summerhayes Cariou: once you have experienced it, you can never get enough! It is a privilege to know such a skilled and artistic author personally. Heather has been an inspiration to dozens of aspiring writers, generously sharing her insights, talent, motivation and energy. Heather has been challenged with the responsibility to tell Pam's story, their story, and she has not only met that challenge head-on, but by overcoming and working through the tragedy and heartache, she has helped encourage and strengthen all of us in the process. The number of tragic human stories waiting to be told are endless. Stories of great suffering, and of amazing redemption. In the words of Helen Keller, (as quoted by Heather), "The world is full of suffering; it is also full of overcoming it." Anyone working with or living as survivors are automatically and intimately included in Sixtyfive Roses. Not only does Heather give her beautiful loving voice as testament to the struggles of her own family, she validates and shares all of our grief and pain, and in the process, we can reflect on our own heartbreak with renewed acceptance and look to a more hopeful future. Heather is a true artist whose medium is language. Her gorgeously visual phrases are as stunning as an impressionist watercolor in full bloom. It may be inappropriate to compare memoir and fiction, but this story is told with such beautiful eloquence and elegant prose as to be reminiscent of Sue Monk Kidd or Barbara Kingsolver. The strengh and devotion of the Summerhayes family to fight the disease of Cystic Fibrosis is an occurrence of immense historical importance. Without question Heather, Pam and the entire Summerhayes family have provided us with a gift of valuable knowledge, as well as real-world medical and spiritual benefit to countless numbers of families and children.

A loving and moving testimony to the strength of one stubborn family facing a powerful enemy.
Heather Cariou deftly draws you into her family's world of intense determination and close-knit ties with wonderful writing and a clear brave eye. I was so transported while reading, I could feel the cold Canadian wind whipping by. And the writing has such precision and real-ness to it, that I could also feel my face turn hot and red, recalling my own family memories and our continued struggles and rivalries.
The story is both romantic and tough and overall fiercely hopeful.
An enlightening and inspiring read for all of us on our own hero's journey, no matter what we are up against.