Customer Reviews

The Slaughterhouse Massacre

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

I won't go into the details of this movie because the Editorial Review Product Discription sums this movie up in a nutshell. As a horror movie fan, when I saw Slaughterhouse and Massacre in the title, I just had to rent this film. Disappointing. You are lead to believe that a really good horror movie awaits you but not so. Another letdown.

So Lion's Gate slaps a list price of $29 on this? Amazing the juevos people have these days. Considering what a horror this movie is, that absolutely amazes me. We have the usual stoned and drunk teenagers, oversexed and under-brained, and out for a good time. So of course they go to see where Mr. Sickle the slaughterhouse worker was killed 10 years ago & he comes back to wreak havoc like a recycled Freddy Krueger or something. We have a long long scene where two chicks feel each other up while partygoers stand and watch, whee. Is it a rule to put bi/lesbian scenes in stupid horror movies these days? One would think so. Anyway back to the marginally more interesting part: some dude called Stoner is enlisted to show up at the slaughterhouse & dress like the killer to scare the chicks, he gets mad (or stoned, hard to tell) and decides not to do it. During the course of the movie he smokes enough weed to immobilize a small country but still remains conscious, or at least what passes for concious in this movie. The viewer may have problems remaining conscious though. One almost decent effect has one hapless idiot "split" but I saw that already in Ichi the Killer & it was done much better & is a movie more worthy of your attention. Let's not forget the one chick that's sort of the "heroine" of the movie, she of the strident personality that also announces to her boyfriend that she's pregnant, so of course he shoves her head first out a tiny window to go for help. But help isn't coming, not for the teens nor for the viewer. A truly pathetic piece of garbage and I guess I "took one for the team" on this. Bleah.

This doesn't even deserve 1 star.

There is no good reason for this movie to exist. The title is deceptive - it actually sounded decent, and well, gory.

At no time in this movie was there a massacre. There was a bad guy, supposedly dead, who looked kinda like Brad Dourif with rubber teeth and rosacea (which, I believe, was supposed to be thermal burns). He kills a few people. Well, we see a meat hook, and a machete. We don't see them actually strike or spear anyone, we just see a few drops of theatre blood after the fact. Oh, and we know the killer is near, because all of a sudden someone plugs in a red light. And plays a thump-thump thump-thump soundtrack.

The Slaughterhouse Massacre must be horrorporn for HBO. At any given moment there are leggy blondes (and redheads, and brunettes) naked and writhing around, simulating sex, and engaging in lesbian kissing scenes. But if that sounds like an endorsement, it isn't. If I rented this to get off to, I would be very disappointed.

I have all the usual B movie complaints - corny dialogue, pathetic acting, crappy effects and shoddy cinematography... it's all there. The movie has no redeeming value even as a B movie. If Uwe Boll had to work with a smaller budget, this is what you would get.

The packaging is incredibly decieving. Looks scary. Looks clean and gives the appearance of a film worth seeing, but this movie is not even worth pissing on. The back of the DVD case claims "Sacriest Movie this year" in big scary letters. I noticed the Lion's Gate logo on it and i guess that sealed the deal. I got home, popped it in and about 2 minutes into it, my wife and I are watching what seems to be a softcore low budget porn scene. About 8 minutes later, we find ourselves watching a scene of two women stripping and dancing and kissing each other in the middle of a den at a keg party...which seems to have no connection at all to the plot, yet about 7 minutes of film were devoted to this schlock. After that, I took it out and tried my best to understand why the hell anyone would have even spent any time, let alone money, to create such an asswiper. The acting is nothing short of HORRIBLY CHEAP and PATHETIC. The production is like some home video crap and not in the good way, ie. "28 Days Later". The storyline sounds like a winner, if we could only get a crew of professionals to deliver, we'd be in good shape. And Lion's Gate???? I wonder if they even know their logo is on that DVD? The DVD should be filed with the adult films, not horror. I would like to have a "sit down" with the fartbags responsible for this DVD. I wish I could get my rental fee refunded. DO NOT RENT, BUY, or BORROW this DVD.

THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACRE

Have you ever seen the cover of a movie and been sold on it just by looking, have you ever actually read the quotes on said cover and actually believed what they said? Have you ever done all of these things and then been completely let down, well if you have chances are you watched this movie. The look of this movie and what it said on the case had made me a believer at the time, wish I could take that feeling back.

This flick is your typical Slasher film but without all of the fun stuff, well they tried but it just doesn't work. The film follows a group of high school teens [of course] in Texas [hate the stereotypes] who are out partying one night and decide to take a trip to the local slaughterhouse where they say the ghost of a killer lives. Aside from all the typical things here it sounds like it can be a fun throwback to the 80's right? I thought so to but it quickly becomes your average low budget killer flick, well average would be entertaining.

The movie falls into the "oh it is comical" area but then you realize even as bad as it seems it isn't even bad funny. The acting here is just straight up wooden and there is no getting around it, at times one or two of these kids seem like they are entertaining but that can't even save it. I mean there is literally the typical stoner guy and his name is stoner, really. The killer here has the right kinda twisted/hick look that could make him scary but his obvious mistakes take away from it. Seriously he literally throws windmill like strikes when he is swinging on these kids so it is easy for the actors to duck it. He also is very slow when throwing these and is off like crazy, at least in other flicks the kill attempts look like the killer is trying. Also while there was some promise at first with the gore I was waiting for a massacre that never came.

Now of course it is possible that I am being a bit to harsh because I was tricked into expectations, and there are a few good things going on here. For one is the first ten minutes or so of this flick, any body wanting some naked females will love the opening here. You not only get all kinds of tops off but full frontal as well, and even a good sex scene, also some girl on girl. Sure it isn't enough to save the movie but at least it is something, also regardless of the horrible stereotypes it is set in Texas. Any time a movie is set in Texas or Maryland I am a fan of that at least.

There is a quote on the front cover that says "more frightening than the Texas Chainsaw Massacre", I don't know which one of the many they meant but all of those films are way better than this. I hate writing reviews like this because I know a lot of work went into making these movies and who knows this may have been the best they could do at the time. If that is the case then I commend all involved in making this film happening and going further than all of these [internet critics] have. It is with that said that I will check out some other stuff by writer/director/star Paul Gagné, maybe as his career has progressed so has he, "Blood Predator" here I come.

I am in tears crying with laughter at these reviews, and it's because I have seen the movie, that what people have written is so funny, so i guess in some weird way I got my money's worth of entertianment simply by watching the film, then comming on here and having a good laugh about it...

now onto the film itself... this is one of the only movies ever where i had to watch it in fast forward, there is a 15 min scene of the cast just walking about, thats 15 whole mins of nothing but walking about in darkness. the sex scenes are arkward and uncomfortable to watch, but i guess the a*** hole director just wanted to abuse his power on the movie to get girls to strip off for him, cos hes such a loser in real life that he can't get a girl...

the scene where he chops off the girl's head is one of the most laughable scenes in movie history.

if you've not seen this film, go out and rent it or buy it (actually buying it is cheaper than renting it) and just see how horrid this film really is....

This movie is so funny. It is so badly made, so badly written. If you want a good laugh, definitely watch it. Personally, I love how one of the character's names is "Stoner". Obviously well-thought through.

It's a shame any half-wit with cash and a camera can attempt a horror film despite having zero talent.It's also a shame a great company like Lion's Gate are damaging their rep by endorsing this garbage.

Very bad movie, boring. The whole party scene in the begining could have been taken out as it was just girls making out. Not scary and had very bad actors. Would not recommend.

This films Australian release title is "Sickle"...but I call it SUCKle. I had trouble finding it on IMDB to find out its US title. It's not surprising when no one who has seen this would bother to care.

The plot is about a group of unsupervised misfit teenagers who go to a slaughterhouse where ten years ago a guy named Sickle killed someone and was killed in return. The kids go up there ten years later and do a magic chant and bring him back and then he starts stalking them in a building they cant escape from.

This movie sucks to high heaven. I was bored stupid from the beginning to the end. The idea for the thing could have worked, but EVERYTHING about this movie was done wrong. The acting is terrible, the lighting is pathetic, the score doesn't work, the sound department should realise a car backing up slowly on gravel does not make a skidding/spinning/burnout noise and the editing draws out the longest most boring scenes imaginable and inserts absolute crap for no reason that just makes this thing seem to go forever and ever getting more boring by the minute.

The only people I would recommend this DVD to would be to film makers who wanna see an example of how NOT to make a movie. Overall there is not one single thing in this entire film that I can say anything positive about. The worst thing in the entire movie is a lesbian scene at a party that goes for about 5 minutes that has absolutely no tie in, relative, or anything to do with the plot. It's just a party where 2 dikes start making out and stripping, in the middle of the main room at a party! It goes from a bad Z-grade horror movie to a C-grade porno scene then back to a bad movie. PLEASE, done think it would be interesting to see, it's not... it doesn't match the film at all. It is easy to tell this was the directors first movie, and it shows how much they need to learn about editing, cutting things down, and improving the scene because it's just too long and boring and it needs more gore then just showing shadows.

This movie is terrible, you'd have to be seriously f****d in the head or have a seriously low I.Q to enjoy this movie. Everything is bad about this film. Ever category there is in making a movie is done badly with this film that tries too hard to be a Friday The 13th / Scream / I know what you did last summer combination that does not come off as anything but a try-hard rip off.

My advice to whoever put this thing together... figure out what the cutting room floor is about, pick up the pace and you might have got a half star from me. I only give it a 1 star here 'cause Amazon doesn't give an option for -10 stars.

This is the worst film of 2005.
Rent it if you must, but don't say I didn't warn you...and for the love of Pete, DONT BUY IT.... it's not even laughable at when watching it's so bad.