Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm [Hardcover]

Nicole Daedone (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 25, 2011

The truth is: Most women do not have satisfying sex lives. SLOW SEX can change that.

Better sex is about one thing: better orgasm. This life-altering guide teaches men and women how to use the practice of Orgasmic Meditation-or OM-to slow down, connect emotionally, and achieve authentic female sexual satisfaction. The promise: In just fifteen minutes every woman can become orgasmic. And, with the right partner and the right technique, that orgasm could last and last!

For more than a decade, Nicole Daedone has been leading the "slow sex movement," which is devoted to the art and craft of the female orgasm. OM is the act of slowing down, tuning in, and experiencing a deeper spiritual and physical connection during sex. SLOW SEX reveals the philosophy and techniques of OM and includes a step-by-step, ten-day OM starter program, as well as OM secrets for achieving ultimate satisfaction. It also includes exercises to help enhance readers' "regular" sex lives, such as Slow Oral for Her, Slow Oral for Him, and Slow Intercourse.

This book is the argument for daily intimacy, and for paying attention as the foundation of pleasure, all with a focus on the female experience.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Required education for every man on the planet." -Timothy Ferriss, New York Times bestselling author of The 4-Hour Body and The 4-Hour Workweek

"Ah! Combining meditative awareness with sexual peasure! What could be better--or more life-enhancing--than this?" -Christiane Northrup, MD, OB/GYN physician, and New York Times bestselling author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause

"Slow Sex is the real deal on pleasuring a woman. For any guy who want his fifteen minutes of sexual fame, Daedone offers practical and inspired guide to the orgasmic big leagues." -Ian Kerner, sexuality counselor and New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First

"Daedone makes her arguments persuasively, with clear instructions and a knack for the just-right analogy or phrase. This is not another tantra book....OM practice should give many people a fresh and satisfying conduit to deeper sexual intimacy. Recommended." -Library Journal

"Daedone's philosophy is a refreshing counterpoint to the porny mainstream." -Salon.com

"At a time when many women feel pressured to add sex to their Superwoman to-do list without feeling like they get much in return, Slow Sex is a much needed and welcome invitation for women and men to strip down to the bare essentials of a woman's authentic sexuality so sex can fill her up, rather than deplete her. A must-read for any woman who hasn't fully accessed her orgasmic potential and yearns to more fully embody the intimacy and surrender a loving sexual relationship can bring to a woman's wholly healthy life." -Lissa Rankin, MD, OB/GYN, author of What's Up Down There and founder of OwningPink.com

About the Author

Nicole Daedone is the founder of OneTaste, where she's been teaching people how to have better sex and relationships through OM since 2004. Her innovative approach to sexuality focuses on a version of orgasm most of us never learned: the female version. Based in San Francisco, she writes, lectures, and coaches clients from around the world.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Grand Central Life & Style (May 25, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0446567191
• ISBN-13: 978-0446567190
• Product Dimensions: 0.9 x 5.9 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (81 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #42,345 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Nicole Daedone is a sought-after speaker, author, and expert in female orgasm, relationships, and communication. Her first book, Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm makes the argument that an extraordinary life begins with a different kind of orgasm.

Nicole is the founder of OneTaste, a company that offers training in orgasm, communication, and man-woman relationships through online media and in-person coaching and courses. The practice at the heart of her work is called OM or Orgasmic Meditation. OM uniquely combines the tradition of extended orgasm with Nicole's own interest in Zen Buddhism, mystical Judaism and semantics. Helping to foster a new conversation about orgasm--one that's relevant and real--she has inspired thousands of students to make OM a part of their everyday lives.

Nicole graduated from San Francisco State University with a degree in semantics and gender communication. She went on to found the popular avant garde art gallery 111 Minna Gallery in San Francisco's SoMa district before moving on to OneTaste.

Nicole has appeared on ABC's Nightline and her work has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Post, the San Francisco Chronicle, and 7x7 Magazine, among others, and her writing has appeared in Tricycle magazine. She is also a featured speaker at the 2011 TEDxSF conference. In his #1 New York Times Bestseller The 4-Hour Body Timothy Ferriss calls the OM practice "required education for every man on the planet." Raised in Los Gatos, CA, Nicole now lives in San Francisco.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

123 of 134 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Nicole...Thank you. June 17, 2011

By Lunachick

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I love this book. It's taught me how having my own desires, and speaking them, beyond the vanilla, standard guy-pleasing "I want you"...is okay. Is not going to...frighten my partner away, or make me feel like a freak for having my own desires out in the open.

And, it's make me understand that a man will truly focus on me - just me - for a while, and that's really okay! I always got nervous when a man went down on me...I figured he wanted me to hurry up so he could have his turn, that me must be pretending to be enjoying it, and it just stressed me out. Which makes it REALLY hard to come (so, I became a good actress).

It sounds silly written like that, but I've censored my own sexual wants and needs for so long...the concept and practice of OM is really, truly wonderful. Wanting to be touched now, in this way, is okay for me to feel, and okay for me to say.

Finally, I'm learning that there's no reason to cover up my desires and my needs with embarrassment, thinking I should hide my desires and focus on pleasing my male partner.

As with many women, my early sexual experiences were (very very) not good. I lost my virginity via rape, as a teen, during an assault by a stranger, and I guess I never really recovered. Sex was something I did because my boyfriends, then my husband, wanted/needed it. Over the years it transitioned from very scary (even with my kind, safe boyfriend) to usually very enjoyable, but I never learned to speak up and say what I wanted. I dated some great guys who wanted to please me, but I couldn't get past my own issues to tell them about my own fantasies, or even something simple, like to please "move a little to the left" as they touched me.

Nicole...Thank you.

46 of 52 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Women say this works. It surely works better than whatever they get from '50 Shades...' June 4, 2012

By Jesse Kornbluth TOP 500 REVIEWER

Format:Paperback

"Women who think they're going to learn anything from Fifty Shades of Gray are wasting their time. They'd do better to read `Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm.'"

I read that on a message board.

So I bought Nicole Daedone's book.

On page 1: "I teach a practice called Orgasmic Meditation. It's a way that any man can bring out the orgasm in any woman, in just fifteen minutes."

Would you read on?

Very quickly I learned that orgasm, for Daedone, is not the moment of climax. It's the entire experience of sex. It's the way sexual potency is "a source of power," an "entry point" to joyful living, a "gateway" to a deeper connection with your lover.

Sounds good?

Or would you prefer to learn, from "50 Shades," how to enjoy being whipped with a riding crop?

Given that choice, any reasonable woman --- or any man involved with a woman who prefers improved reality to romance novel fantasy --- would ask: So what is the technique?

It's not sex. It's not even foreplay. After 15 minutes, you get up and leave. It's just what Daedone says it is --- meditation. But because we're talking about orgasm, you do it with your body.

Or rather, you do it with the woman's body --- because the man remains fully clothed. She removes her pants. Lies down. Spreads her legs. From there, he does everything. Looking. Stroking. Talking.

However much I may be a man of the world, I blush to tell you the specifics. So please watch Nicole Daedone's TED Talk (yes, she made a presentation at TedxSF). I'd suggest that you start at 5:30 and cut out around the 10-minute mark....

But let's take a breath here and address a different question: Who is Nicole Daedone and why should you pay attention to her?

From The New York Times (yes, she was profiled in the Times):

"Ms. Daedone's early career was hardly alternative: she studied semantics at San Francisco State University and then donned her pearls to help found an art gallery. But at 27, her world came crashing down when she learned that her father, from whom she was largely estranged, was dying of cancer in prison, after being convicted of molesting two young girls.
"Everything in my reality just collapsed," she said. "My body turned to stone and crumbled."
Her father had not behaved inappropriately toward her, Ms. Daedone said; on the contrary, he was a distant figure.
"There had been a way I felt close to him in this felt way, and then all of the sudden he would shut down," she said. "I later came to understand that he was trying to protect me from himself, from his pathology."
Her pathway back to life was initially Buddhism, which she pursued with a vengeance, intending to live in a Zen community. But at a party in 1998, she met a Buddhist who had a practice in what he called "contemplative sexuality."

What she got from taking off her pants, being stroked and talked to was nothing less than a revelation. She discovered that women are entitled to ask for what they want, that paying attention to female pleasure rewards the man as well as the woman, and that the benefits of orgasm can have a huge ripple effect: "It will be turned on women around the world, and those that dare to stroke us, that will change the world, feeding the desire for connection that we all have."

This is powerful stuff. I know because when I described Daedone's technique to some women of the world, they all found reasons to balk. He doesn't have to be your lover? He looks at you? He talks to you? And then you leave?

Hey, I also felt huge resistance. But then I considered two of the chapters in this book.

The first is "What Men Should Know About Women." Among her points:
-- "Women want to have sex just as much as men --- just not the sex that's on the menu."
-- "What she really wants is access to your attention."
-- "Women have no idea how much men love them."
-- "She doesn't want `her' way, she wants `our' way."

The second is "What Women Should Know About Men." Among her points:
-- "Men experience acknowledgment through a woman's happiness."
-- "Nice is the trump card."
-- "Say it to a man every time like it's the first time."
-- "Men get confused when women withhold information."

This stuff makes sense. I can't speak to the genius of the meditation technique, but I'm sure that Nicole Daedone has a few things exactly right. I know I don't want to be "handled." I don't want a woman to fake her pleasure. I want sex to affirm us, not just get me off.

Is this technique for you? It's your call. I can only offer advice on a related topic: confusing the messenger with the message.

In the mid-1970s, I wrote a piece about Werner Erhard that put a serious dent in his business. Too bad it didn't shut him down. Not because est was a scam --- Erhard was a very clever guy, and he very adroitly appropriated the smartest tech of other disciplines --- but because he so fundamentally disrespected his customers. He could hardly avoid it. Someone who likes to stand in front of a large audience telling them how it really is tends to have some deep needs that, for all the sharing, never get shared with his/her disciples.

And so it may be with Nicole Daedone. I have no problem with her book --- you buy it, you take it or leave it. But I'm not sure you need to pay $49 for a "badge" that gives you greater access to her web site. Do you really need OM Stroke Lube? Or the OneTaste Signature OM Kit? More seriously, I note that several people who are no longer affiliated with her now speak about her crusade as a cult. If so, curb your enthusiasm.

As for the book and the technique, I can't fault her words: "Whatever you do, make sure you're doing you where you thought you were going, but it will never lead you astray." Read more ›

34 of 40 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Revolutionary May 20, 2011

By Robin

Format:Hardcover

Our culture is so saturated with porn-oriented sex that we can't see the forest for the trees. Women wonder why they're not multi-orgasmic, why they can't have "vaginal" or "cervical" orgasms, where their G-spot is. Men wonder why women don't want to have as much sex as they do. Did anyone ever think that maybe it's because the kind of sex being offered, the kind we see in the media and especially in porn, is not the kind that turns on a real, live, flesh-and-blood female body?

Nicole slows it down to the basics: This is a clitoris. Learn how to stroke it. S-l-o-w-l-y. She claims that if you do, your woman's orgasm, desire, and general sexual energy (not just during orgasmic meditation, but day in and day out) will naturally emerge from her. You won't have to coax, coddle, walk on eggshells, or bemoan your frigid wife. It's amazing, given how simple it is, that no one has written this book until now.

27 of 35 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A handbook for an engaged way of living May 26, 2011

By M. Christensen

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Contrary to the surface-level topic: slow sex and female orgasm, what I really got from this book was about...
- slowing down and paying attention to my life, myself, and those around me
- living from my experience of each moment, rather than from my head
- connecting deeply to others - not just in the bedroom - but anytime you want
- noticing how scared I was to want what I desired (what if I didn't get it? what if it was BAD to want that? what if I didnt' know what I wanted?) and how different the actual experience of my desires was from the IDEA of my THEORETICAL desires
- asking for what I want in a direct, non-judgmental way that makes an opening for receiving it

I highly recommend it for people of both genders. Yep, it IS the best sex manual I've ever picked up. But that's because it's so much more. The stories are sweet and funny and thought-provoking and I find that I'm seeing how the ups and downs of life are kind of like the ups and downs of orgasm. Enlightening. And let's be honest: provocative. All this stuff pushed my buttons, and will probably push yours, too, even if yours are different than mine.