136 of 148 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Nicole...Thank you.
I love this book. It's taught me how having my own desires, and speaking them, beyond the vanilla, standard guy-pleasing "I want you"...is okay. Is not going to...frighten my partner away, or make me feel like a freak for having my own desires out in the open.
And, it's make me understand that a man will truly focus on me - just me - for a while, and that's...
Published on June 17, 2011 by Lunachick
36 of 46 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars well written and informative
Once I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down. (I often start books and loose interest before finishing them) That didn't happen with Slow Sex. The authors writing has a clarity, a sensitivity and a depth that really worked for me. Its just well written, that's all there is to it.
Its refreshing in fact to read a book about sex that isn't cheesy or...
Published on May 21, 2011 by ajp
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136 of 148 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Nicole...Thank you.,
And, it's make me understand that a man will truly focus on me - just me - for a while, and that's really okay! I always got nervous when a man went down on me...I figured he wanted me to hurry up so he could have his turn, that me must be pretending to be enjoying it, and it just stressed me out. Which makes it REALLY hard to come (so, I became a good actress).
It sounds silly written like that, but I've censored my own sexual wants and needs for so long...the concept and practice of OM is really, truly wonderful. Wanting to be touched now, in this way, is okay for me to feel, and okay for me to say.
Finally, I'm learning that there's no reason to cover up my desires and my needs with embarrassment, thinking I should hide my desires and focus on pleasing my male partner.
As with many women, my early sexual experiences were (very very) not good. I lost my virginity via rape, as a teen, during an assault by a stranger, and I guess I never really recovered. Sex was something I did because my boyfriends, then my husband, wanted/needed it. Over the years it transitioned from very scary (even with my kind, safe boyfriend) to usually very enjoyable, but I never learned to speak up and say what I wanted. I dated some great guys who wanted to please me, but I couldn't get past my own issues to tell them about my own fantasies, or even something simple, like to please "move a little to the left" as they touched me.
58 of 68 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Women say this works. It surely works better than whatever they get from '50 Shades...',
This review is from: Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Paperback)"Women who think they're going to learn anything from Fifty Shades of Gray are wasting their time. They'd do better to read `Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm.'"
I read that on a message board.
So I bought Nicole Daedone's book.
On page 1: "I teach a practice called Orgasmic Meditation. It's a way that any man can bring out the orgasm in any woman, in just fifteen minutes."
Would you read on?
Very quickly I learned that orgasm, for Daedone, is not the moment of climax. It's the entire experience of sex. It's the way sexual potency is "a source of power," an "entry point" to joyful living, a "gateway" to a deeper connection with your lover.
Or would you prefer to learn, from "50 Shades," how to enjoy being whipped with a riding crop?
Given that choice, any reasonable woman --- or any man involved with a woman who prefers improved reality to romance novel fantasy --- would ask: So what is the technique?
It's not sex. It's not even foreplay. After 15 minutes, you get up and leave. It's just what Daedone says it is --- meditation. But because we're talking about orgasm, you do it with your body.
Or rather, you do it with the woman's body --- because the man remains fully clothed. She removes her pants. Lies down. Spreads her legs. From there, he does everything. Looking. Stroking. Talking.
However much I may be a man of the world, I blush to tell you the specifics. So please watch Nicole Daedone's TED Talk (yes, she made a presentation at TedxSF). I'd suggest that you start at 5:30 and cut out around the 10-minute mark.
But let's take a breath here and address a different question: Who is Nicole Daedone and why should you pay attention to her?
From The New York Times (yes, she was profiled in the Times):
"Ms. Daedone's early career was hardly alternative: she studied semantics at San Francisco State University and then donned her pearls to help found an art gallery. But at 27, her world came crashing down when she learned that her father, from whom she was largely estranged, was dying of cancer in prison, after being convicted of molesting two young girls.
"Everything in my reality just collapsed," she said. "My body turned to stone and crumbled."
Her father had not behaved inappropriately toward her, Ms. Daedone said; on the contrary, he was a distant figure.
"There had been a way I felt close to him in this felt way, and then all of the sudden he would shut down," she said. "I later came to understand that he was trying to protect me from himself, from his pathology."
Her pathway back to life was initially Buddhism, which she pursued with a vengeance, intending to live in a Zen community. But at a party in 1998, she met a Buddhist who had a practice in what he called "contemplative sexuality."
What she got from taking off her pants, being stroked and talked to was nothing less than a revelation. She discovered that women are entitled to ask for what they want, that paying attention to female pleasure rewards the man as well as the woman, and that the benefits of orgasm can have a huge ripple effect: "It will be turned on women around the world, and those that dare to stroke us, that will change the world, feeding the desire for connection that we all have."
This is powerful stuff. I know because when I described Daedone's technique to some women of the world, they all found reasons to balk. He doesn't have to be your lover? He looks at you? He talks to you? And then you leave?
Hey, I also felt huge resistance. But then I considered two of the chapters in this book.
The first is "What Men Should Know About Women." Among her points:
-- "Women want to have sex just as much as men --- just not the sex that's on the menu."
-- "What she really wants is access to your attention."
-- "Women have no idea how much men love them."
-- "She doesn't want `her' way, she wants `our' way."
The second is "What Women Should Know About Men." Among her points:
-- "Men experience acknowledgment through a woman's happiness."
-- "Nice is the trump card."
-- "Say it to a man every time like it's the first time."
-- "Men get confused when women withhold information."
This stuff makes sense. I can't speak to the genius of the meditation technique, but I'm sure that Nicole Daedone has a few things exactly right. I know I don't want to be "handled." I don't want a woman to fake her pleasure. I want sex to affirm us, not just get me off.
Is this technique for you? It's your call. I can only offer advice on a related topic: confusing the messenger with the message.
In the mid-1970s, I wrote a piece about Werner Erhard that put a serious dent in his business. Too bad it didn't shut him down. Not because est was a scam --- Erhard was a very clever guy, and he very adroitly appropriated the smartest tech of other disciplines --- but because he so fundamentally disrespected his customers. He could hardly avoid it. Someone who likes to stand in front of a large audience telling them how it really is tends to have some deep needs that, for all the sharing, never get shared with his/her disciples.
And so it may be with Nicole Daedone. I have no problem with her book --- you buy it, you take it or leave it. But I'm not sure you need to pay $49 for a "badge" that gives you greater access to her web site. Do you really need OM Stroke Lube? Or the OneTaste Signature OM Kit? More seriously, I note that several people who are no longer affiliated with her now speak about her crusade as a cult. If so, curb your enthusiasm.
As for the book and the technique, I can't fault her words: "Whatever you do, make sure you're doing you where you thought you were going, but it will never lead you astray."
40 of 49 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Revolutionary,
Nicole slows it down to the basics: This is a clitoris. Learn how to stroke it. S-l-o-w-l-y. She claims that if you do, your woman's orgasm, desire, and general sexual energy (not just during orgasmic meditation, but day in and day out) will naturally emerge from her. You won't have to coax, coddle, walk on eggshells, or bemoan your frigid wife. It's amazing, given how simple it is, that no one has written this book until now.
36 of 46 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars well written and informative,
Its refreshing in fact to read a book about sex that isn't cheesy or flashy in some way that I cant relate to. I dare say that the book feels like it was written in accordance with the principles it presents. "Nothing extra" I like that. Clean and simple. Entertaining stories from the author and quote's from people who do the orgasmic practice.
There is a balance of useful information and good story telling both. I like the gentle humor Daedone sprinkles in as well. Something about her writing reminds me of Anne Lamott's (another author I enjoy) for her humor and intelligent down to earth way of talking about things- things (like sex) that are intrinsically human.
As much as I enjoyed reading it though, it also left me somewhat disappointed. It seems overly focused on people who are relatively new to the practice. As someone who's been OMing regularly for 5+ years now, while I can appreciate how well she's covered the basics, I can also see how much more there is to the practice than what she chose to include here. I do hope she writes a follow-up with more advanced material for those of us who are already more deeply immersed.
38 of 50 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Ultimate Guide for 21st Century Sex, Intimacy ... and Spirituality,
This review is from: Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Kindle Edition)What to say about this book?
It is poetic. It is instructive. It is broad. It is specific. It is technical. It is Spiritual.
In this book, Nicole Daedone gives us a formidable tour de force of sex, sexuality, intimacy, and ... consider ... all of that as a gateway to spirituality that is not only needed, but ... frankly required in the 21st Century. Orgasm as a gateway to god (with a ton of research behind it) ... oh yeah.
What's not to love? Holy cow ... A needed breath of fresh air for us all.
27 of 35 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars awaken your hunger + let your sex nourish you,
37 of 49 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Changed my life,
I met Nicole on a cool night in December 1999. She made quite a first impression. She was powerful, strong, and her manner was to the point. We became friends and after a while, we started sharing our ideas about our life's purpose. She told me she wanted to create a clean, well-lighted place for people to talk about sexuality. I smiled, nodded and could feel that the world indeed needed a place just like that. We talked some as we walked on a sunny day in Golden Gate Park.
Four years later, she came to me and said that it was time to open up OneTaste. I nodded again thoughtfully and said yes. We started the adventure from there. She always talked about how it was important to take everything we had learned and had taught at OneTaste and put it in a book. She struggled for years, pouring through reams of writings, papers, interviews and testimonials. She talked with writers, sat in type on her laptop in a gray sweatshirt. She worked and worked and finally came up with the voice and the concept of Slow Sex. It was simple. Slow Sex is slowing down to the speed of sensation. Feeling each stroke, every kiss, every touch. Slow Sex changed me. It took a hungry, narrow-minded man and taught him to feel the world through the lens of orgasm.
I am grateful to Nicole for showing me this path and I'm happy to be part of this experience to have this book make it out to the world. Yes, I am a biased reviewer but do know that you will enjoy this work.
28 of 37 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A handbook for an engaged way of living,
- slowing down and paying attention to my life, myself, and those around me
- living from my experience of each moment, rather than from my head
- connecting deeply to others - not just in the bedroom - but anytime you want
- noticing how scared I was to want what I desired (what if I didn't get it? what if it was BAD to want that? what if I didnt' know what I wanted?) and how different the actual experience of my desires was from the IDEA of my THEORETICAL desires
- asking for what I want in a direct, non-judgmental way that makes an opening for receiving it
I highly recommend it for people of both genders. Yep, it IS the best sex manual I've ever picked up. But that's because it's so much more. The stories are sweet and funny and thought-provoking and I find that I'm seeing how the ups and downs of life are kind of like the ups and downs of orgasm. Enlightening. And let's be honest: provocative. All this stuff pushed my buttons, and will probably push yours, too, even if yours are different than mine.
25 of 33 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars I Live My Life In Turn On,
Nicole has written a thoroughly well-organized and detailed overview of the OneTaste style of expanded orgasm in her new book, Slow Sex.
Slow Sex is an EXCELLENT book for many reasons:
It teaches you the exact techniques to do a OneTaste-style OM
It explains what's in it for men and what's in it for women
It explains the rules of engagement for a OneTaste OM
It includes an OM for a man's penis, not just for a woman
It explains how once you turn a woman on, her whole life can be lived in turn-on and why that is a life changing possibility for YOU
I live my life in orgasm, in turn-on.
I am besotted with life. Heady with my potential and excitement. I feel wonderful. I'm deeply connected to my humanity. I love my body and its capabilities. I deeply appreciate how OMing has made my sex life incredible. And most importantly, I appreciate how deeply intimate and connected I am to my OMing partner, my husband.
And you can have all this too.
"Orgasm is the body's ability to receive and respond to pleasure." -- Nicole Daedone
Nicole underscores the importance of Slow Sex by describing how this focused attention on feeling the sensations derived from this clitoral stroking technique will make your body come alive with pleasure. And that pleasure will spill over into all aspects of your life.
How to OM is a great chapter that offers tremendous clarity and instruction.
The Ten-Day OM Starter Program is a solid beginning for the most simple OMing practice.
And where the book really shines is in Nicole's description of The Four Month Orgasm. Which is essentially "living in turn-on." That's where your OMing practice helps you feel your desire and ask for what you want - the strokes you want, the sensation your body wants to feel...
And the learning to speak and follow your desire spills over into the rest of your life in a way that empowers you as a woman to follow your passions, to pursue the things for which you long, to feel a hunger for life in a way that when you are not awakened in your body, you are anesthetized to the sheer joy of living.
The "Four Months" moniker is a Trojan horse. Once you are a turned-on woman, feeling life not just through your brain, but through your body, your world transforms into a richness that's indescribable. "Four Months" just makes it approachable to anyone who hasn't yet achieved this state of being and might like to. Trust me, living orgasmically goes on forever and keeps getting better.
Desire As Your Compass
[excerpt from Slow Sex]
The key to having a lifelong orgasm is not OM, exactly. OM is just the rehearsal; it's where we learn the music, build the muscle memory, develop the habits that will support us when we get onstage. It's where we practice for the main performance: life. Life, including "regular: sex, and male-female relationship, and everything else we do. The habits we form through OM -- habits of receptivity, appreciation, awareness, true intimacy -- are 180 degrees opposite from the habits that rule our conventional world.
So learning to make them our default setting stakes practice. It takes great attention and precision to choose subtraction -- simplicity -- in a culture that hawks addition at every turn. It takes repetition to learn how to pay attention enough to feel sensation in the body, to experience turn-on as it rises, crests and carries us. And it takes a practiced willingness to feel what you want and then be vulnerable, intimate, and open enough to ask for it, come what may.
It takes all those things, yes, but it takes one thing more.
When it gets down to it, there must a a willingness to change your navigation device. We tend to navigate our lives using signposts set up for us by the world -- norms, expectations, shoulds and should nots. If you want a lifelong orgasm, you have to let go of the comfort of being told what to do by the outside world and start looking for direction within. You have to start charting your own course, using your own compass. That compass is your own desire.
-- Nicole Dadeone
I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Yes, it will rewire your body and brain. Yes, it's well-written and you can follow it to try this at home. Yes, it's a fun read even if you decide the practice is not right for you.
I give Slow Sex a double dog-eared thumbs up!
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Helpful for a limited audience,
This review is from: Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Paperback)The techniques taught in this book will be helpful to many people - but be aware that you might not be one of them. You need a committed partner who cares about your sex life. Personally, I don't have that, so this just made me depressed. It also seems to feature primarily young people. Like it or not stuff happens to both men and women over 50, and it changes the landscape. While we may still highly desire sex, it's not so easy to find a partner, deal with medical hurdles, etc., and it doesn't help when we are sidelined in nearly every discussion or image of sex.
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Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm by Nicole Daedone (Paperback - May 22, 2012)