Customer Reviews

Smart Stepfamily, The: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Ron Deal gives very practical advice on how to make step situations work in the face of divided loyalties, marital problems, parenting differences, toxic ex-spouses, etc. With the divorce rate at 74% for second marriages with children, there's obviously unique dynamics in a step family that couples must face along with all the other normal challenges of life and marriage. My family was helped by the explanations on how to gradually move the step parent into authority at various levels, and how to develop realistic expectations for the amount of time it will take for family members to accept each other and ultimately bond as a family.
For people who are considering a second marriage, please don't get discouraged by his "warnings" and occasional negativity. I wish that someone had told me the struggles that I might face before I remarried, and that someone had been straight with me about how hard it really is to blend two families. Thank God that we read the book before we threw in the towel. His recommendations really work, and our family has a lot less tension and pressure since reading The Smart Step Family.

I recently previewed a series of books as a potential texts to use with step families in crisis. The least informative of these books was "Happily Remarried" by David and Lisa Frisbie. Although the book was inherently readable and certainly got a few good points across--it was completely inadequate to deal with the complexities many step families face.

If your step family is dealing with serious issues I recommend "Smart Step Family" by Ron Deal or "Step Coupling" by Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green. You will find either of these books to be far more comprehensive and useful, although each one has its own strengths. The "Smart Step Family" is a book written from a strong Christian perspective and as such provides significant spiritual and biblical background for people of faith. "Step Coupling" approaches the step family more from a secular counseling context and therefore does not delve much into the moral or ethical aspects of the various issues facing step families. Indeed, when discussing a foundational issue like honesty or dishonesty, the "Step Coupling" book explicitly states that neither value is right or wrong. This was almost a deal-breaker for me. I suspect that even most non-religious people would struggle with the idea that all behavior is value neutral. Nevertheless, the book largely arrives at the same conclusions as its Christian counterpart--albeit from a different perspective.

All in all, I think that any step family going through internal or external struggles would be well served to read both books. Both bring unique and significant insights into the challenges that step families face. The "Step Coupling" book is somewhat more earthy and easy to read, being filled with concrete examples from actual step families. The "Smart Step Family" book feels a little more detached, but still does a very good job of communicating the key issues that step families need to address, while acknowledging the spiritual needs of those involved and how to address them. In this sense, it is perhaps the deeper of the two. Either book will do a good job in helping the step family better understand itself and move toward a more fulfilling future together.

Ron Deal is one of North America's leading experts on stepfamily life. Together with Dr. David and Lisa Frisbie, he is one of only two authors I know of who address blended families from a faith-based perspective. And there are a LOT of faith-based stepfamilies in North America!

This book is revised and updated from a previous edition, which was also good. Very practical help, very clear writing. Most of the challenges you'll face as a stepfamily are addressed here, with wise and down-to-earth advice.

I strongly recommend this for all stepfamilies, especially those who are persons of faith.

Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.
I also highly recommend: Happily Remarried: *Making Decisions Together *Blending Families Successfully* Building a Love That Will Last

I lead a stepfamily Christian study group. We are using The Smart Stepfamily as a study guide for the group. Everyone is getting a lot out of the book. Mr. Deal really seems to understand the true needs of the stepfamily.

If you take Mr. Deal's advice seriously, you and your stepfamily will be changed for the better. His 7 steps are amazing. All 7 steps are very Biblical and all are essential. They are presented clearly and logically.

I highly recommend the associated overview DVD "7 Steps to Stepfamily Success" which is presented in lecture format by Ron Deal. It quickly discusses each of the 7 steps in the book.

If you are in a stepfamily and are Christian, you need this book!

At the suggestion of another step-family, my wife and I picked up a copy of the book. As a Christian who grew up in a step-family I thought I was prepared to be a step-dad. The guidance and information Ron shares in his book shattered my problematic expectations and set me on the path to be the kind of step-dad who my new kids and wife deserve. It rearranged my priorities and avoided several common pitfalls in a blended family.

My wife and I frequently recommend this book to step-parents and those considering remarriage. It is an eye opener. We were so changed by the book we attended one of Ron's seminars. It was even better than the book.

I bought this book during the process of my divorce in hopes of learning the kind of ex-wife I wanted to be in preparation for a future family with a new husband (whether he brought children with him or not). It helped me through that process and now, as I'm beginning a new journey with my new husband, it is helping us to better understand our family and how to interact together with my children as well as their father.

Thank you for being so inspired to write this book. It was a God send!

This is a must read for all engaged couples who have been married before, and/or are bringing children into the new marriage. It is a practical eye-opener that helps the couple prepare with appropriate expectations. All couples hope and assume that their next marriage will be successful, but many times expectations are too high and unrealistic, and this can sabatoge the new marriage. The book is also great for couples already married into a step-family situation, showing them how to set appropriate goals. The book lays it on the line how difficult the challenges are for a step family, but also encourages the reader to look for the strength and blessings God is providing for them daily.

Very good book!! Would recommend it for anyone at any stage in a step family!!

This book was the best book I've read to date on the subject of Step-Families.

This book covered many of the areas that we were struggling with. I liked the fact that it did have a biblical basis and gave some good examples. It is nice knowing we are not the only family experiencing some of these aspects of being a step-family and gave steps on how to best handle situations. It even opened up areas, that I had not thought of and gave me a good insight. I have already suggested it to 3 other families. It was practical and real.