The stepmother's role often is ambiguous and underappreciated, and frequently it carries unrealistic expectations. The book answers women's concerns and questions, including: How can I be a caretaker and a key emotional connector in the family if the children don't accept my influence? How shoud I cope with children who are confused about their family and torn between loyalty to their biological mother and me? When should I step back in conflicts and when should I insist that my husband stand up for me? In addition it addresses the spiritual and emotional climate of the home, providing perspective and guidelines to help stepmothers and their families thrive.
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"It is hard to imagine a more extensive resource material on this challenging topic of entering into and living out the role of stepmom. Excellent from start to finish, stepmoms (and those who love them) will be comforted, encouraged and energized to stay at the task of rearing, loving and accepting their stepchildren." --Michele Howe, FaithfulReader.com
From the Back Cover
You Can Be a Smart Stepmom
In today's complicated stepfamily, the stepmom often doesn't know where to turn for help. Let stepfamily expert Ron Deal and experienced stepmom Laura Petherbridge show you how to survive and thrive as a stepmom, including:
How to be a positive influence on children who are torn between loyalty to their biological mom and to you.
What to do when you feel ostracized, rejected, or lonely.
When and how to step back during conflict and let your husband take the lead.
How to handle holidays, adult stepchildren, between-home communication, and much more.
Here is the hope, encouragement, and practical information to assure you that you are not alone in the stepmom journey.
In today's complicated stepfamily, the stepmom often doesn't know where to turn for help. Let stepfamily expert Ron Deal and experienced stepmom Laura Petherbridge show you how to survive and thrive as a stepmom, including:
How to be a positive influence on children who are torn between loyalty to their biological mom and to you.
What to do when you feel ostracized, rejected, or lonely.
When and how to step back during conflict and let your husband take the lead.
How to handle holidays, adult stepchildren, between-home communication, and much more.
Here is the hope, encouragement, and practical information to assure you that you are not alone in the stepmom journey.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Stepmoms will be energized to stay at the task of rearing, loving and accepting their stepchildren,
By FaithfulReader.com (New York, New York) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Smart Stepmom, The: Practical Steps to Help You Thrive (Paperback)
Ron L. Deal, founder of "Successful Stepfamilies" and licensed marriage and family therapist, has teamed up with Laura Petherbridge, author of WHEN "I DO" BECOMES "I DON'T," to develop a comprehensive source of practical insights and step-by-step encouragements for stepmoms. Unlike the stereotypical fairy tale portrayal of the wicked stepmother character, Deal and Petherbridge explain that, in the majority of households, nothing could be further from the truth. The vast majority of stepmoms desire nothing more than to take part in creating a successful marriage and passing on a legacy of loving support to their stepchildren. The glitch, however, is how to move from desire to realization. For most stepmoms, the journey is anything but easy and, as many admit, can be the hardest task for a person to undertake.
The authors realize how difficult this role of "stepmom" can be, and Petherbridge speaks from firsthand experience as she offers her own personal remembrances of being stepmom to her husband's sons. She cites that stepmoms (like every living person) bring to the new marriage their own past experiences, insights and limitations, which must be recognized and acknowledged, otherwise injured feelings and short-circuit relational growth will occur between everyone in the family. Deal and Petherbridge offer readers (which should include stepmoms, stepdads and every person in the original family unit) great insight and countless practical suggestions for working through every conceivable family dilemma. In the two-section text, stepmoms will gratefully learn that they are not alone in feeling that sudden urge to "run away from home," and that feeling like an "outsider" within the walls of their home is also a common response. Smart stepmoms will learn how valuable it is to understand their spouse's kids, be it the children's loss, grief, or other troubling emotions. Proactive stepmoms will seek to further empathize with stepchildren's expressions of loyalty to their mothers and find ways to help their husbands to parent in an engaged manner. Stepmoms will likewise be eager to pass along this material to their husbands, where both sexes learn how to team up to make a strong and dynamic bond that will filter down into the lives of their children. In two chapters, Deal and Petherbridge focus specifically on educating dads on the challenges their new wives face as stepmoms and how their words, choices and actions impact the kids and their marriage. Lest readers forget, ex-wives continue to play a significant role in the stepmoms' lives and will always do so (the authors even explain how this is true when the first wife is now deceased but her memory lives on). What happens during holiday, vacations and the ominous Mother's Day? Read on to discover the most effective and kindest avenues for making, creating and establishing new traditions that will warm everyone's hearts. It is hard to imagine a more extensive resource material on this challenging topic of entering into and living out the role of stepmom. Excellent from start to finish, stepmoms (and those who love them) will be comforted, encouraged and energized to stay at the task of rearing, loving and accepting their stepchildren. --- Reviewed by Michele Howe
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
This book is a great,
By
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Smart Stepmom, The: Practical Steps to Help You Thrive (Paperback)
My situation is one that 'the x wife' wanted the divorce, yet she still insists on making my husband suffer. She sees the children as a possesion of hers and not THEIRS. I see the games she plays and try to tell my husband how to respond, but his emotional ties to the children keep him reacting to her just as she wants.
This book helped me see that all I can do is be there for them, love them when they let me and allow them to feel negative when and if that time comes. There is nothing I can do to change her negative behaviors, she will be and do whatever it is she will be and do. I have to live in peace in our home and attempt to not allow her behaviors to affect us. This book also confirmed for me that children will grow up, they will see and learn for themselves, when they get to that age we will be who we(my husband and I) have been from the time they were 3. The mother in me hates to see their mother making such huge mistakes, but the book taught me--they are hers to make. The stories at the end of the book gave me the most hope... Fantastic book--anyone in a divorce with children should read before re-marriage....if your children mean anything to you at all, you will grow much wisdom for their sakes.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Practical, Helpful, Readable,
By Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W. (Solana Beach, CA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Smart Stepmom, The: Practical Steps to Help You Thrive (Paperback)
This new book is from one of the "experts" on stepfamilies: Ron Deal. Together with co-author Laura Petherbridge, he's written a helpful book for women who are coping with one of the toughest jobs in the world: stepmom!
Let's face it, stepmoms have the most difficult role in a blended family or stepfamily. They are standing in for "real mom" and how can they possibly measure up? It's just incredibly difficult. Anyone looking for help as a stepmom will definitely find it in this book, or in any other book by Ron Deal. I also recommend any blended family or divorce title by Dr. David and Lisa Frisbie, or by Kevin Leman. You'll value any of these authors on this subject. Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W. I also highly recommend: Happily Remarried: Making Decisions Together * Blending Families Successfully * Building a Love That Will Last
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