Customer Reviews

Smart Stepmom, The: Practical Steps to Help You Thrive

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Ron L. Deal, founder of "Successful Stepfamilies" and licensed marriage and family therapist, has teamed up with Laura Petherbridge, author of WHEN "I DO" BECOMES "I DON'T," to develop a comprehensive source of practical insights and step-by-step encouragements for stepmoms. Unlike the stereotypical fairy tale portrayal of the wicked stepmother character, Deal and Petherbridge explain that, in the majority of households, nothing could be further from the truth. The vast majority of stepmoms desire nothing more than to take part in creating a successful marriage and passing on a legacy of loving support to their stepchildren. The glitch, however, is how to move from desire to realization. For most stepmoms, the journey is anything but easy and, as many admit, can be the hardest task for a person to undertake.

The authors realize how difficult this role of "stepmom" can be, and Petherbridge speaks from firsthand experience as she offers her own personal remembrances of being stepmom to her husband's sons. She cites that stepmoms (like every living person) bring to the new marriage their own past experiences, insights and limitations, which must be recognized and acknowledged, otherwise injured feelings and short-circuit relational growth will occur between everyone in the family.

Deal and Petherbridge offer readers (which should include stepmoms, stepdads and every person in the original family unit) great insight and countless practical suggestions for working through every conceivable family dilemma. In the two-section text, stepmoms will gratefully learn that they are not alone in feeling that sudden urge to "run away from home," and that feeling like an "outsider" within the walls of their home is also a common response. Smart stepmoms will learn how valuable it is to understand their spouse's kids, be it the children's loss, grief, or other troubling emotions. Proactive stepmoms will seek to further empathize with stepchildren's expressions of loyalty to their mothers and find ways to help their husbands to parent in an engaged manner.

Stepmoms will likewise be eager to pass along this material to their husbands, where both sexes learn how to team up to make a strong and dynamic bond that will filter down into the lives of their children. In two chapters, Deal and Petherbridge focus specifically on educating dads on the challenges their new wives face as stepmoms and how their words, choices and actions impact the kids and their marriage.

Lest readers forget, ex-wives continue to play a significant role in the stepmoms' lives and will always do so (the authors even explain how this is true when the first wife is now deceased but her memory lives on). What happens during holiday, vacations and the ominous Mother's Day? Read on to discover the most effective and kindest avenues for making, creating and establishing new traditions that will warm everyone's hearts. It is hard to imagine a more extensive resource material on this challenging topic of entering into and living out the role of stepmom. Excellent from start to finish, stepmoms (and those who love them) will be comforted, encouraged and energized to stay at the task of rearing, loving and accepting their stepchildren.

--- Reviewed by Michele Howe

My situation is one that 'the x wife' wanted the divorce, yet she still insists on making my husband suffer. She sees the children as a possesion of hers and not THEIRS. I see the games she plays and try to tell my husband how to respond, but his emotional ties to the children keep him reacting to her just as she wants.
This book helped me see that all I can do is be there for them, love them when they let me and allow them to feel negative when and if that time comes. There is nothing I can do to change her negative behaviors, she will be and do whatever it is she will be and do. I have to live in peace in our home and attempt to not allow her behaviors to affect us. This book also confirmed for me that children will grow up, they will see and learn for themselves, when they get to that age we will be who we(my husband and I) have been from the time they were 3. The mother in me hates to see their mother making such huge mistakes, but the book taught me--they are hers to make. The stories at the end of the book gave me the most hope...
Fantastic book--anyone in a divorce with children should read before re-marriage....if your children mean anything to you at all, you will grow much wisdom for their sakes.

This new book is from one of the "experts" on stepfamilies: Ron Deal. Together with co-author Laura Petherbridge, he's written a helpful book for women who are coping with one of the toughest jobs in the world: stepmom!

Let's face it, stepmoms have the most difficult role in a blended family or stepfamily. They are standing in for "real mom" and how can they possibly measure up? It's just incredibly difficult.

Anyone looking for help as a stepmom will definitely find it in this book, or in any other book by Ron Deal. I also recommend any blended family or divorce title by Dr. David and Lisa Frisbie, or by Kevin Leman. You'll value any of these authors on this subject.

Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.
I also highly recommend: Happily Remarried: Making Decisions Together * Blending Families Successfully * Building a Love That Will Last

Despite an at times almost overwhelmingly Christian approach, in terms of practical strategies, a useful overall perspective on stepmotherdom and fantastic insight into the step experience for both kids and stepmums, I found this book to be the single most useful stepparenting guide I've read.

I'm a secular humanist with little time for dogma in any form, so Christian family how-to guides are not at all my thing, but sifting through this book for the "meat" and ignoring the end of chapter prayers and recurrent church/Biblical references was really, really worthwhile.

Interestingly, I certainly would not have bought this book had I realised just how central Christianity was to its ethos, and yet I'm very, very glad I did. Nothing about the Christianity espoused in it was offensive to my feminist secular views - and while the prayers etc where a bit OTT, the insights, especially into kids' experience of divorce, were quite profound.

I feel I'm already stepparenting better for having read this book. Now I just need to get my (fanatically atheistic) partner to read it too...

Although the authors make it clear that one doesn't have to be a Christian to use this book, one probably has to be a Christian to not be really irritated by it. The prayers and over rhetoric are ubiquitous and grating and make it difficult to get to the practical bits of the book. Efforts to skip over them are rewarded by more on every page. The Kindle sample does not contain any of the prayer sections or too many Jesus bits. If the sample had been like the rest of the book, I wouldn't have bothered and I'm Jewish and believe in G-d. If I were a non-believer, this book would have driven me mad.

The Smart Stepmom: Practical Steps to Help You Thrive! offers readers an information kit and therapy session wrapped up as a purse-size book. Packed with wisdom and practical encouragement, it also serves as Bible study, counselor, and supportive friend.

Why review a book about stepmoms? By the grace of God, my husband and I have been married 27-plus years; my parents, 54. All my grandparents celebrated more than 60 years together. But I happen to be a pastor's wife, neighbor, and friend of many who find themselves in blended families.

These precious people are stepmoms; they have stepmoms; or they're married to stepmoms. I've seen their struggles and successes. I've witnessed their wounds. And I understand enough to know there's much more I don't understand.

The authors of The Smart Stepmom recognize God's ideal in marriage. They also recognize the importance of making the stepfamily work. What happens when your stepchildren ignore you? How do you handle the relationship with their biological mom? And what do your biological kids need as they adjust?

With insights born of both professional and personal experience (Deal is a licensed professional counselor/ therapist and founder of Successful Stepfamiles; Petherbridge is an international speaker, author, and stepmom of two grown sons) the authors answer these common questions and more. Each chapter contains an abundance of wise, in-the-trenches applications and ends with a prayer, Scripture references, and Discussion Questions.

Like it or not, the authors say, stepparenting is a team sport. This book offers a proven game plan and specific strategies for success. Don't tell anyone, but it makes a great read for dads and stepdads, too.

The Smart Stepmom. Read it and rejoice as God uses this power-packed product to help you achieve it.

This book, written from two perspectives, male and female, was incredibly helpful. I actually find myself picking it up and re-reading it when times are tough. I even bought multiple copies for friends. It provides insight into what might be going on within the child's heart, the bio-parent's heart/mind, and as a stepmom, it definitely hit-home for me. You could easily read this for Step Dad's as well, just transposing the words step- mom and dad.

This guide provides insight in how to step back and evaluate the family situation BEFORE you actually step in. I appreciate how the author's don't sugar coat anything, reiterating time and again that the step-role takes time to work out and work through. There are no false expectations of a quick happily ever after. Moreso, the authors emphasize that the step's role might go unappreciated for a long time; so be ready to deal with it.

This book was not focused as described. The book was based on religious beliefs and how these beliefs can "get you through" this role.

The counsel I received from "Smart Stepmom",helped me immensely. The problems I encountered and the emotions I felt,as a stepmother were far beyond anything I could have prepared for prior to marriage. The background that Laura Petherbridge comes from gives her a unique perspective on the relationships between everyone involved. She gives good direction as to how to be a stepmom with dignity and love for your family while maintaining who you are. This book also helped me see the good I have brought into my two step kids lives even though I see very little appreciation.The advice and scripture at the end of each chapter brings the power to change and grow where I need to.

Becky