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10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love Paperback – March 1, 2006


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 370 pages
  • Publisher: Alyson Books (March 1, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1555838987
  • ISBN-13: 978-1555838980
  • Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 0.9 x 9.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,526,877 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Joe Kort is a certified Imago Therapist, a member of the National Association of Gay Addiction Professionals, the Academy of Certified Social Workers, and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He is adjunct professor at Wa

More About the Author

Joe Kort, PhD, LMSW is an openly gay psychotherapist. Dr. Kort specializes in clinical sexology providing sex therapy, IMAGO Relationship Therapy for gay, lesbian and heterosexual couples, gay affirmative therapy, Out-of-Control Sexual Behaviors (OCSB) and childhood sexual abuse.

Dr. Kort is the author of:

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" published by Magnus Books

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love" published by Magnus Books

"Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" published by Norton
Books.

"Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned About Their Men" published by Rowman and Littlefield

He facilitates IMAGO Relationship Therapy weekend workshops for couples based on the book, "Getting The Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" and Singles "Keeping The Love You Find: A Guide for Singles", by Dr. Harville Hendrix.

Dr. Kort also facilitate workshops for men on sexuality, sexual behavior, sexual fantasies and sexual intimacy.

For more information go to www.JoeKort.com

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
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See all 26 customer reviews
I had several "Aha" moments as I read the book.
K. Elders
Not only the scenarios but the root causes of why men develop as they do in relationship to their sexuality are excellent.
Desiderata Desiderata
It is written in a very clear and humorous style.
Frank S

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 46 people found the following review helpful By Desiderata Desiderata on January 27, 2006
Format: Paperback
I've been doing workshops for a men's group here in New York and this book as well as Mr. Kort's previous text have been excellent resources. Not only the scenarios but the root causes of why men develop as they do in relationship to their sexuality are excellent. The referencing to Erik Erikson and Harville Hendrix (tests I also utilize) as well as the specific application of the tomes to activities and insights is stellar. What surprise dme most about the book was how it balanced accessible language and yet was able to present enough psychological/psychiatric/therapeutic language/technique for the lay person to understand. A lot of the "why's" about men and sexuality and actions and integrity or lack thereof was answered. One of the things I constantly do in my groups now is remind the men how they were socialized as boys, how it was enforced/beaten out of them not to portray their sexuality or sexual thoughts/interests and how this indoctrination carries over and manifests itself in adult life. You can literally watch the lightbulbs of enlightenment go off in the heads of the men as they start to link simple things like sit still, don't flounce, don't sigh, don't cry, don't whine, don't, don't don't---in order to be masculine/a "man" to being what caused a lot of confusion. What happens to someone who's identity is constantly challenged, taunted, corrected---they adopt an identity that is pleasing to the masses, however they are then thrust into a society where the two identites--one false and one repressed are incongruous and therefore enter into a lifestyle that has very few mature standards/practices.

Suddenly men make sense!

I've already gone on to Mr.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Chip on June 16, 2009
Format: Paperback
I bought this book for a friend for christmas, but after I'd wrapped all the presents, I ended up with it left over, couldn't remember who I bought it for, so kept it for myself. That turned out to be a wonderful serendipity.

Kort's work is probably the most deeply insightful exploration I've read of the influences of family of origin issues, internalized homophobia, and other baggage that gay men experience, and how those factors, as well as subtle peer influences within the gay community and other factors affect us, and, in turn, how we select partners and how we relate to them.

I've read a lot of the psychology literature, both clinical and popular, on gay men and the special issues they face, but I think Kort has done the best job yet of weaving all of the pieces together in a way that is insightful and really helps the reader understand *why* we choose the partners we do, the actions we take that are driven by our unconscious, and particularly how all of the behaviors we bring to relationships have their roots in our childhood and other internalized life experiences.

Some of the insights he describes in the case histories of couples he has worked with are just extraordinary, as though finding the "needle in a haystack" that is the root cause of a partner's insecurities or inappropriate actions/behaviors. Almost everyone reading the book will find portions of the book that will resonate with their own experience, and there were several times when I was reading it where I experienced major "Aha" moments as it described feelings or behaviors I'd experienced but could never quite explain or understand.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By K. Elders on January 27, 2010
Format: Paperback
Let me start out by stating that I am not an avid book reader nor a professional counselor. However, when the pain of staying the same became greater than the pain of changing, I started looking for help. I purchased this well written and thought provoking, book by Dr. Joe Kort. This book has played a significant role on my journey toward making some overdue changes in my life.

This book has helped me to understand myself and why I act and re-act the way I do in society and in my personal relationships. For so long, it has been too easy for me to blame other people for problems in my relationships rather than to look at myself and the sum total of my life experiences.

Joe has given an in depth look (rather than a glossy coating) using examples from his practice, Dr. Kort demonstrates what can be changed or improved about one's self, before getting into a relationship, during the relationship, and exiting the relationship. This is where so many gay men get into relationship pitfalls, they are not willing to look at the "Man in the Mirror". I had several "Aha" moments as I read the book. I enjoyed the way that Joe has pushed the envelope of conventional therapy to assist his clients and the readers to find the answer which is right for their particular situation - not just the text book molded answer.

Again, only purchase this book if you are willing to change your life.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Erik Stallings on February 6, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book was filled with really great information and made me question a lot of things in my own life. Highly recommended reading for any homosexual looking for some enlightenment or direction in their life.
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