So Glad We Waited!: A Hand-Holding Guide for Over-35 Parents [Paperback]

Lois Nachamie (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 27, 2000

Whether you're merely days or decades past the tender age of thirty-five, whether you adopted your child, were "assisted" by doctors, or were simply considered high risk, you're part of the growing family of older mothers. This informative, practical, and engaging walk through the many facets of parenthood later in life is designed with you and your family in mind.

Lois Nachamie, a parenting expert and an older mother herself, skillfully uses real-life interviews with dozens of women and her own keen observations from personal experience to discuss the unique redefinitions older mothers go through and the specific issues you'll face. Here are just some of the topics she covers on how to gracefully and joyfully adjust to the arrival of a child later in life.How to handle being sleep-deprived and premenopausal at the same timeHow to find peers in the "mommy" worldHow to keep the "double-generation gap" from yawning too wideHow to meet your child's every need--but not indulge their every whimHow to be a mom while your career is at its peak (or supposed to be)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Older mothers and fathers will appreciate this eminently wise and practical book, which fills a gap in the parenting shelf. Nachamie, who became a mother for the first time at 41 and who teaches a class for older parents at New York's 92nd Street Y, strikes a down-to-earth tone as she probes the many facets of mature parenthood, which is generally "by preference and design" and, as such, brings with it a heightened awareness of the entire experience. ("As a group," she points out, "we are intense.") From the various roads that lead to creating a family--which for the over-35 set often includes infertility treatment and adoption--to the conflicts and compromises involved in juggling child-rearing with careers that are generally further advanced than those of younger parents, to the more nitty-gritty issues of discipline and routine, she leaves no stone unturned. Nor does she mince words, laying it on the line when it comes to such pitfalls as overindulging tots (given older parents' higher level of discretionary income and the great lengths to which they often have gone to have children). Real-life examples connect readers with other older parents who share their own joys and struggles, from dealing with the loss of prestige in the world's view (for those who choose to stay home) to the impact that parenthood has on their sex lives and relationships. More than just another how-to guide served up with clinical detachment, this book is blessed with Nachamie's voice, which is at once impassioned, opinionated, wryly humorous ("Barney and Bifocals" is one of the chapter headings) and ultimately reassuring as she plumbs the emotional depths of this profoundly life-altering experience. (June)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Nachamie, a writer who specializes in parenting issues, approaches this book with "been there, done that" aplomb. She addresses some of the special problems of being an older mom (she became one at 41), including physical changes that the mother goes through or will go through; career choices (given that older mothers tend to have more responsible jobs); and the possible absence of grandparents and other supporting figures owing to death. One of Nachamie's main points is that women who choose to become parents after 35 are often so excited to have a child that they let issues like discipline slide, allowing the children to become the centers of power in a household. She devotes several chapters to effective limit setting which parents under 35 could also benefit from reading. Recommended for all public libraries.
Pam Matthews, Gettysburg Coll. Lib., PA
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; 1 edition (June 27, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609803468
• ISBN-13: 978-0609803462
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.2 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,787,891 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars So glad we found this book!, January 3, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: So Glad We Waited!: A Hand-Holding Guide for Over-35 Parents (Paperback)

We stumbled upon this book by serendipity -- ours was the last copy in a display as we walked by the "Parenting" section at our bookstore. We'd been dealing with the slowness of being selected by a birth mom, in an open adoption process, and we suspected it had to do in part with our being an "older" couple.

Nachamie deals with the big issues for "older" couples head-on yet with humor and perspective.

She examines the beliefs behind the social norms for the "correct" age of parents for young children. Nachamie also validates the sense we've had that for our age group, our mothers definitely are not the first resource we'd turn to in figuring out parenting challenges -- our age cohort feels this way (it's not just me and my mom!) and this is a contrast with younger moms and their mothers.

She identifies accurately the pitfalls older parents tend to fall into when parenting -- I see these frequently in my own clinical practice (as a child psychiatrist) and I can project how readily I could fall into a similar pattern unless I were forewarned and thus watchful. (Example: overindulgence of the highly-valued child, under the guise of "We're building his self-esteem by having him make the decision. . ." so the child doesn't experience appropriate limits. We've all experienced this at restaurants or stores.) And she makes specific creative suggestions for how to address the downside and celebrate the upside of being older parents. The parenting advice is very very sound.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A forty something mom, July 17, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: So Glad We Waited!: A Hand-Holding Guide for Over-35 Parents (Paperback)

This book is terrific. It's like talking to a wise friend. Her writing style is easy to read and light hearted. But the words are so thoughtful. The best part is about the "pitfalls" of raising a child as a older parent (it works as well for two parent families as for single moms) -- especially since most of us have struggled to have a baby in the first place. You love the baby to pieces and maybe (just every once in a while) overindulge the little sweethearts! She gives some helpful hints and some cautions but rarely says there is one right way to do something.

A must read! (I've even asked my husband to read the third section on discipline).

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Terrific book on important subject, July 24, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: So Glad We Waited!: A Hand-Holding Guide for Over-35 Parents (Paperback)

Here's a useful addition to all the books out there because it covers a subject not often written about. Parents who have had their children later in life now have a well-written, informative, and insightful resource. Lois Nachamie brings experience, lots of research and a sense of perspective to her work. Parents will find this book supportive and helpful. A good book to own.