Customer Reviews

The Sociopath Next Door

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4 star:		(80)
3 star:		(43)
2 star:		(30)
1 star:		(16)

 

 

I've written many five-star reviews, but never have I been so motivated to try to convince everyone to read the book. Here's why: one in twenty-five Americans is a sociopath, a figure psychologist Martha Stout obtained from three journal articles and a U.S. government source. Assuming this premise of The Sociopath Next Door is correct, or even if the figure is say one in 50, odds are you know at least one sociopath. He or she could be an abusive partner, the person in the next cubicle at work, your landlord, or the person your teenager is dating. Even if you can't think of sociopath you know, you have high odds of encountering one. Given the havoc even one sociopath can wreak in one's life, this book provides a sort of insurance that you'll be able to identify him or her and deal with that person so they don't harm you emotionally, financially, or in any other way. This is a well-written and well-researched book that I think will benefit the 96% of you who are not sociopaths.

To gain the benefits of "sociopath insurance" there are three portions of the book I believe are crucial for you to read: (1) the discussion of what is a sociopath along with her stories illustrating the different types of sociopaths, (BTW, those stories would make fine literary short stories with Stout's descriptive language and suspense building.) (2) Stout's "Thirteen Rules For Dealing With Sociopaths in Everyday Life", and (3) the discussion of how good people with consciences end up allowing sociopathic leaders to rise to power and do horrific acts. If you read just these sections and skip all the philosophical discussions about sociopaths, you will still gain a lot from this book.

One of the first topics covered is what a sociopath is. Stout gives us both the official diagnostic version from the American Psychiatric Association's DSM IV (their diagnostic manual) as well as a sort of "street guide" of what to look for. Essentially, a sociopath will glibly lie, charm and use others, without a moment's remorse over hurting anyone. They're often, but not always, more charismatic, charming and sexy than the average person. Take murderer Scott Peterson for example (although Stout didn't mention him): Women found him quite attractive and charming, and were quick to believe his lies. Most sociopaths are not murderers, (soley because they don't want to get caught and go to prison) but will still wreak havoc lying, stealing, and manipulating people.

After learning how to identify sociopaths, Stout's "Thirteen Rules for DealingWith Sociopaths in Everyday Life" (p.156 - 162) are a MUST-READ and worth the price of the book. All the rules are important. To paraphrase several: Rule 2 - If your gut tells you a person is untrustworthy, even if it's in contrast with their high standing in society such as a doctor or community leader, go with your gut feeling. Rule 3 is the "Rule of Threes." If a person breaks one promise, it may be a misunderstanding. If they break two, there may be a serious mistake. But if they break three promises, you're dealing with a liar. Strike three they're out-count your losses and leave ASAP. Stout advises "do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer." Rule 8 states, "The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication." Remember that sociopaths, like leopards, don't change their spots.

One other MUST-READ section of the book is the discussion on how good people allow sociopaths to rise to positions of authority and to do bad things. To understand this, Stout explains the Milgram experiment which began in 1961 - 62. I won't describe the experiment here, but if you're not familiar with it, I strongly encourage you to google "Milgram experiment" and read about it. As a psychology major in the 1980s, I watched footage of this experiment, which was so powerful, I remember it like it was yesterday. Stout's discussion of the Milgram experiment will show you how the public can all too easily be swayed by people in authority such as charismatic leaders and demagogues. Reading this discussion will help you understand why Rule #4, "Question Authority" is not just an old hippy slogan, but crucial.

Much of the rest of the book contains all sorts of interesting, well-reasoned discussions on many facets of sociopathy: Do sociopaths know they're sociopaths? Is sociopathy caused by heredity, environment or both, and if both, to what extent each? What are the theories of sociopathy from clinical psychology, evolutionary psychology and theology? Given sociopaths never feel guilty, do they have happier lives than the rest of us? (Stout's answer is a resounding "no!") Why do some cultures have (or appear to have) more sociopaths than others? One great thing about these discussions is that Stout doesn't immediately come out and tell the reader what she thinks. Instead, she firsts asks probing thought questions as if you were a student in one of her classes, encouraging you to reason these issues out for yourself. She always gives her opinion by the end, however. These discussions answered most of my questions about sociopaths (and created some new ones!), but was not the most valuable part of the book for me.

Bottom Line: I wish everyone would read this book, particularly people in the dating world meeting strangers. If you always remember on the front burner of your brain that about 4% of people are sociopaths and follow the 13 rules, you're far less likely to be hurt by them.

This text is a lucid study of those individuals who seem to be born without a moral conscience, and as Stout elegantly points out throughout this narrative, one in twenty-five Americans are considered sociopath, causing havoc, heartache, destroyed careers, and the death of many people either directly or indirectly.

The single argument in this highly accessible thesis, the one that is down-right astonishing, (though not so after reading the reasons why) is that most of us "instinctively" know when there is a sociopath in our midst, but more often refuse to intellectually or rationally call them for what they are...why? The reason is that we would prefer to believe that the human being is fundamentally good, and pure evil is something rare or something beyond our day to day reality. On the contrary, there are people who move through their lives without a hint of guilt for their acts of harm.

The sociopath's motivation is ultimately selfish and life for them is one big game, a contest about winning at any cost. This is a frightening notion, but after reading this book, you will more than likely recognize someone in your past or currently in your life that has all the characteristics of a sociopath, and come to understand how and why your life is not the way it should be going and the reason for your general unhappiness.

Martha Stout's "composite" case histories are enlightening as she presents us with varied `types' of sociopaths from the homicidal & verbally abusive to the dead beat and covert destroyer of many lives.

One of the more interesting sociopath profiles is the case of "Dr." Doreen Littlefield, a psychologist working at a reputable hospital. Doreen isn't beautiful but has a good body and uses it to her advantage. She is the type of sociopath with a highly covetous nature, willing to annihilate any person that has some thing she doesn't have and desires. Manipulative, dishonest and cunning, Dr. Littlefield interferes with another doctor's handsome patient because the patient is good looking and her colleague is one of the star psychologists on staff. She deliberately caves the patient in, sending him off to the padded cell to simply make her fellow psychologist look bad. Other deceptions, of course, are planted carefully in order to hide her tracks. However, in the end, it is truly shocking that a person would engage in such immoral behaviour without feeling a shed of guilt.

Plainly stated and argued gracefully, the sociopath does not possess an aspect which most people have that make us legitimately human, and that is an actualized conscience - a voice, a feeling that guides us to do the right action, and not hurt our fellow human beings...

What is also extremely helpful is the chapter "Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life."

The Sociopath Next Door is a text for just about anyone interested in how evil, real evil operates and how to deal with them.

Stout writes with striking lyric sensitivity and grace about those who have no ability to feel love, remorse, guilt, or joy. Oddly these are some of the most engaging people we will ever meet. Sociopaths, Stout tells us, are as ordinary as a virus. An intimate association with a sociopath carries its own warranty of being a party to a train wreck. Sociopaths can feign every kind of emotion; yet they know but feral pleasures. Sociopaths find rewards in the hunt. Their joys are in conquest and winning. They understand love, but can't feel it. Hence, sociopaths are condemned like the Flying Dutchman of legend to cruise the shoals of real emotion as distant observers, never finding the safe harbor of family, lasting friendship, or love. Stout's work is especially useful for victims. Those who have experienced a sociopath-- a neighbor who seems to thrive on a campaign of sabotaging our relationships and those of our children, a family member who never feels remorse, a boss who takes odd pleasure in demeaning workers and takes credit for our best ideas, a lover who can never be wholly pleased, but works instead to bedevil-- will recognize Stout's finely etched portraits. From this riveting book we can now know the distressing ordinariness of our experience. There is always comfort in finding a name for what is rightfully seen as an unsettling; or, as it is in some sociopathic iterations ---[eg, the Ted Bundys of the world]-- a terrifying encounter. For the rest of us, this book is a graceful, haunting, and carefully crafted admonition that evil is all too common; and it is carried within those charming, bright, accomplished, seductive, and dangerous people we all know, or will. Stout's effort is a stunning literary achievement: a seamless blend of moral philosophy and science rendered into a uniquely accessible, compelling, and useful handbook for our times.

If I had, perhaps my daughter would still be alive. We thought her boyfriend was just an idiot, one who got stranger and more jealous and possessive over time, but an idiot, nonetheless - now we find out he's a full-fledged sociopath, meeting all seven of the diagnostic criteria. It even looks like he'll get away with her murder and keep the children. It's hard to articulate how hopeless and helpless we feel at this point. He has all the rights, though he has done all of the wrongs.

This book should be required reading for every mother and daughter. Until we know what we are up against, we cannot fight it. These people are parasites, who feed off the self-esteem, finances, sanity and even the very lives of their victims. If fortunate, the victim ends up with destroyed credit and emotional fallout. If unfortunate, like my daughter, they end up losing their lives at the hands of these very clever people, who have an explanation for everything. My maternal rage knows no bounds, yet I cannot act on it, as I am law-abiding, unlike the person who has become my nemesis.

I've read many of these books since my daughter met her sad fate and this is by far the best. Please, please protect yourself and your family against these totally amoral people. Remember - we are simply amateurs in trying to discern how these minds operate - they are pros, having been at this their entire lives, fooling their victims, their families, even the police.

A person with a conscience finds it very hard to understand what approaches true evil - yet that is what these people are, whether they are two bit hustlers or tyrants like Idi Amin. They are evil, if we want to quantify it morally. Evil without any hope of redemption. It's just a matter of the power they eventually attain, whether they destroy families or nations.

This book is really a mixed bag. In the plus column, the author's anecdotes and statistics are tremendously useful when it comes to identifying these people in your life. She explains that the overwhelming majority of sociopaths are NOT Ted Bundy serial killer types, just extremely successful parasites, uncannily adept at seeking out the vulnerable, or at disabling common sense in others. She explains that they can be very difficult to identify, but notes that if she had to pick one consistent warning sign, it would be that they play the victim card very early, hoping to stir up sympathy and compassion. The author also advises us not to engage sociopaths or to think that we can beat them at their own game. By definition, they lack the conscience that may inhibit the behavior of non-sociopaths.

The problems with the book: the author keeps scratching the surface, chapter after chapter, and I found myself wishing she would have gone just a bit more in-depth, instead of simply relating anecdotes. As another reviewer mentioned, she also criticizes the military, and the West as a breeding ground for sociopaths, in comparison to the East. One wonders if she ever heard of Mao, Pol Pot, etc. I don't recall seeing any scientific support for these broad-based assertions, and she would have been better served to leave her political and social biases out of this book, and kept her eyes on the ball.

The author lifts the veil of stereotypes to present the real risks significant interaction with a sociopath can present.

The statistic that is most shocking from this book is that 4% of the population might suffer from this condition. At some point we will all interact with sociopaths. What the book drives home is that their condition may impact the lives of the other 96% more than the sociopaths themselves.

Reading the composite descriptions I can clearly identify one individual who fitted the composite description so clearly it could have been written for her. The author drives home the outward superficial normality of many of these people.

The style of writing is informative and accessible to the non psychologist. The composite descriptions contain warnings very worthy of consideration. Excellent book.

Psychologist Martha Stout has done us all a service in pointing out that 4% of the population are sociopaths and that most are non-violent and reasonably well-integrated into the community. What that means for the rest of us is that that the pitiless spouse, vindictive co-worker or manipulative boss may in fact be a sociopath-- someone who entirely lacks compassion or empathy and looks at others as pawns to be manipulated for advantage.

How common are sociopaths? According to Stout, they appear in the population slightly more frequently than anorexics-- in other words, somewhat more often than any of us might have suspected.

Stout provides the 7 diagnostic criteria used to diagnose sociopathy, noting that the presence of at least 3 of these characteristics leads many psychiatrists to suspect the disorder. The criteria include failure to conform to social norms; deceitfulness/manipulativeness; impulsivity/failure to plan ahead; aggressiveness/irritability; irresponsibility; reckless disregard for the safety of the self or others; and lack of remorse. In addition to these criteria, many sociopaths demonstrate an extraordinary charm that mesmerizes their victims.

Stout also offers several case studies of widely disparate individuals said to share the diagnosis, including a scheming CEO, a backstabbing psychologist, a ne'er-do-well husband, and a family man and high school principal with a secret life. While very different, the personalities in the case studies share a desire to dominate others to their own ends and a taste for remarkable levels of deceit and manipulation.

This book is a worthwhile read because it serves as a reminder that someone who routinely shows repeatedly deceitful, manipulative and hurtful behavior may well be a sociopath. The book is useful because it helps the sociopath's victims and would-be victims consider the possibility that it is the sociopath who is at fault, rather than doubting (as many of us do) the evidence before our eyes.

Any weaknesses? Stout's assertion that a sociopath's key desire is to arouse the pity of his audience and thereby escape detection seems overly narrow. I'm not a health professional, but I would bet that sociopaths want to arouse any reaction in others that will prevent their detection and keep them in high esteem, whether that reaction be pity, sympathy, admiration or liking.

Stout recommends that the victim of a sociopath avoid him or her at all costs. Excellent advice-- that might not be possible to follow in cases of family attachment or workplace connection. That said, Stout has penned an excellent warning to those of us who are forced to live or work with sociopaths.

If Stout is up for a sequel, an examination of sociopathy in the corporate world might be worthwhile, insofar as some corporate environments might encourage the amorality that is the hallmark of the sociopath.

Recommended reading for those of us who need to be more wary.

Finally a book that backs me up!!

If I were wealthy, I would buy a stockpile of these books to keep in the trunk of my car, and pass them out to people I meet.

Because at least a few times a year, sometimes more, I come across people who continually put their head on the chopping block for some clearly nefarious individual who, for some reason, they seem to think is "nice", even though a lot of us are standing around saying, "ew, this guy is a creep" or "this woman is bad news", and the person is still there with their head on the block defending the jerk, and trying to "get through to" the 'ner dowell, thinking this "time s/he will change! this time s/he will do right by me!"

When of course, the cause is hopeless... if you understand that some people just cannot change, don't want to change, don't see a reason to change... And perhaps most importantly, have no reason to change, because there's always another person who's determined to believe all people are good, ready & seemingly willing to be used, over & over again.

And here is my source material now. Yes, there are people who are just not good, not kind, and are, in fact, probably INCAPABLE of being normal compassionate humans.

I'm not being cold-hearted because I believe this. I'm being realistic!

ACCEPT IT, it's TRUE.

And the advice this book gives for dealing with them is the only sound advice that has a chance at being successful.

If you're like many of the kind-hearted but tortured people I've known who just keep going back for more crap from some jerk... Read this book IMMEDIATELY.

Or you're like me, and seem to know a lot of those kind-hearted people... And find yourself trying to help them pick up the pieces every time some jerk does them wrong... repeatedly.
Read this book, and then instead of lending a hand, lend them this book.

Scientific analysis & theory information included, but it's an easy read, in plain English.

In a social aspect, I think it would be interesting even for someone who has read psychology texts. It explains things in a day-to-day regular life setting that psychology texts fail to touch upon.

Even if you've never had a problem with a sociopath personally, you might find yourself at least vindicated in understanding that the reason you shy away and feel repulsed by some people, even while others feel sorry for them, can be good & healthy, and that there's nothing wrong or cold-hearted about you!

Another big vindicating & validating book for me was "The Gift of Fear". I highly recommend both books.

_The Sociopath Next Door_ is the first popular book I have seen on the psychiatric condition known as antisocial personality disorder (more commonly known as sociopathy). The author describes a variety of composite case studies, all of which center around the fact that the individuals described seem to lack a conscience. The damage that this causes to the people around them, who treat them as if they were normal conscience-bound members of society, is described in detail. I personally enjoyed this book a great deal, largely because I have encountered similar individuals in my own life (fortunately, not many of them, but they leave an unmistakable impression). I know firsthand the trail of scandal and human wreckage these people leave, along with the gradual realization by the sociopath's acquaintances of what they are really dealing with. The worst situation is when one is in a relationship with one of these people, because it's hard to get over the shock you feel when you realize that the other person simply has a dramatically different value system than you do, and that lying, manipulating, emotional bullying etc. are not something the other person considers to be wrong, but rather something they take pride in. It would appear that the author has been through similar experiences, and she writes about them compellingly.

The main reason I rate this book so highly is that very few people really understand the incredibly negative effect sociopaths have on our lives. This is most apparent in the world of politics, which attracts sociopaths like feces attracts flies. Much of the history of mankind revolves around a sociopath becoming a leader of a country and leading it to ruin (World War 2 being an obvious example). The current administration in Washington has perhaps the largest density of sociopaths I have ever witnessed in American politics (with obvious cases like Tom Delay and Karl Rove, but with lots of other examples as well). By the way, I know right wingers are going to rate this review negatively because of that last statement -- bring it on, guys! Have fun!

That said, this book is not for everyone and it has some flaws. The book is not written in a scholarly manner at all; instead, it's written in a deeply personal manner which is very involving and moving, but if you are looking for a reference on the subject, you should look elsewhere. Also, it's annoying that the author gets one of her most basic facts wrong: the assertion that one out of 25 persons is a sociopath. According to the DSM-IV, the main reference for psychiatric conditions, roughly 3% of males and 1% of females have this condition. That averages out to 2% (assuming equal numbers of males and females), which is one person out of 50, not one out of 25. I'll assume that Dr. Stout made an honest mistake, but I hope she corrects it in subsequent printings. For me, a more serious flaw is that the author treats sociopathy as an all-or-nothing phenomenon -- you either are a sociopath or you aren't. The reality is much more complex than that. As I mentioned above, I have known a few individuals who behaved in a sociopathic manner, but even they didn't resemble the full-on sociopaths the author describes. Instead, they would sometimes behave in a normal manner, and only under specific circumstances would the sociopathic behaviors come out. I suspect these "partial sociopaths" are much more prevalent than the full-blown sociopaths Dr. Stout describes. Also, the nature/nurture issue is given comparatively little attention. I think it's vitally important to understand if a sociopath is the way he/she is because of an alteration in brain function (due to genetics or a developmental defect) or due to e.g. early childhood abuse or neglect. Probably both are involved, and different people will have different causes for their conditions, but this isn't covered much in this book.

Despite these flaws, I recommend this book highly and wish that everyone would read it so that you understand what you're up against when you encounter one of these people, or when you see one on TV running for a major public office.

Martha Stout's work on sociopathy is a collection of anonymous, yet clinically-based stories of people with whom we all have contact on an alomst daily basis. They often work in any field, or profession. They are often in positions of authority or power; they are most often male; they frequently use people until they have no use for them anymore, then simply discard them; they are completely incapable of forming an emotional attachment to people which is how they protect themselves. We are often thrilled when sociopaths pay even scant attention to us. We are often led to believe they need our protection or caring. They are master manipulators, and only feel strong if they are controlling the behavior of others.

They are not born with these maladaptive traits, but are created over generations of want, need and ignorance. I was a social worker for 10 long years, where I worked in an inner-city location with many young people, some of whom presented as clincal socipaths (often times they are labelled as "borderline personality disorder" if they are exhibiting anti-social behavior).

I currently volunteer to do intakes in a drop-in facility several days a week, which is about all I can handle. I try to help the interns and workers to recognize the signs of young people presenting with sociopathic tendencies. Often times, it is just too heartbreaking to offer help to people whose behavior is already so firmly cemented or fixed.

Sociopathy begins in the cradle, maybe even before, if we believe some child-development literature (i.e. Selma Fraiberg). The best treatment for budding sociopaths? In my opinion, only a long stay in a strictly controlled environment with twenty-four-hour-a-day treatment will work. They need to be completely re-parented and shadowed at every second by people who can recognize and correct their behavior. Do you know of any programs like that? Besides, sociopaths are often times rewarded and promoted for exactly the types of behaviors for which they are frequently condemned. I highly recommend this invaluable work for anyone interested in the sociopathic personality........