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Customer Discussions > The Sociopath Next Door forum

Sociopathic behavior


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Showing 1-25 of 50 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Mar 19, 2009 8:22:36 AM PDT
Good dad says:
My adult son was convicted of mutiple thefts and by reading this book "The Sociopath Next Door", helped me better understand my son's behavior and how to cope with not only the crimes, but how to move on in my life. If you have had similar situations, please feel free to share. Thanks

Posted on Apr 21, 2009 7:09:01 AM PDT
I just finished reading this book in order to confirm the suspicions I had for the last couple of years regarding my ex-boyfriend. I still can't tell if he's just a narcissist or a sociopath, but he definitely has the characteristics. This book helped me "get over" the breakup and affirm that I did the right thing in leaving him. The fact that he has shown no remorse whatsoever with what he did (stealing my money, amongst other things) points to sociopathic behavior. His behavior reminded me very much of "Luke" in this book. Once he gets called on anything, he does the "pity play." This book helped me realize that feeling sorry for them is pointless, because it is only a way for them to manipulate.

In reply to an earlier post on May 1, 2009 12:36:38 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 1, 2009 12:44:20 PM PDT
Good dad, sorry to hear about your son. Do you think he's a sociopath? I don't have a similar situation, but you may find my story interesting anyway.

Kerrie,

Sounds like my ex that I broke up with 10 years ago. If I had to choose what character she is, I'd say a Luke with the aspirations, but not the skills nor the guts to be Doreen. She would do cruel things to me and never showed any pity. She used to "borrow" money and never pay back; take money as gifts and showed little gratitude (once even compared me to another suspected sociopath that he gave his girlfriend more money than I did); broke promise after promise; couldn't hold down a job long and always blamed someone else. I constantly rationalized that it was probably my fault somehow and she would get better as long as I did better. Needless to say, I feel like a fool now.

We have a child together. When she was pregnant, she smoked. When she was upset at me, she would threaten to abort the baby. Needless to say, to this day, she uses the child as a hostage to get the courts to force me to give her money. I took care of the child most of the time, but she told the courts that I was irresponsible and verbally abusive to her. They believed her everytime.

Family court is a whole different issue. It's a great place for female sociopaths and even non-sociopaths to wreak havoc upon others. If she is angry with me or simply in a bad mood, she will pull the child away from me, dishonouring any agreement. I've taken her back to court about that issue for one, and miraculously, she hasn't done it since. However, I've lost everything else in court because she was the "victim".

She's done so many things to our child that aren't characteristic of being a good parent. She would never physically or verbally abuse her, but she has her ways of abuse without the authorities needing to step in. Her abuse is more in the way of what seems like small things: making sure she doesn't do her homework that I assigned to the child; refusing to take her to her programs that I paid for, and instead sitting her at home in front of the TV for HOURS; telling the courts to give her more time with the child (which was granted with no just cause. more time = more $); when she stole that time from me, she used it by sending the child off for other people to look after. When I confronted her about this, she would either get angry, and eventually just smirk about it. She used to write me insulting emails about it, gloating that she can do what the hell she wants to the child. She stopped doing the nasty email thing because her lawyer must have told her to stop.

To this day, she still can't hold down a job, and is doing this all over again with whomever she's with. I know because my child reports it to me.

The thing is, I know her family; they all have their own issues, but none of them go out of their way to hurt people. After reading this book, it just strengthens my suspicions more that my ex is a sociopath: from hurting people with no remorse, stealing, always blaming someone else, pathologically lying, and when pressured... making a play for pity. She once cried and cried in front of our child and told her that her daddy was trying to take her away. Who the hell does that?

By the way, my child is mature enough and actually decided long ago that she will live with me. She loves her mom, but is tired of her ways. When the time comes, the courts will try and stop her decision to live with me, but our love is too great.

Posted on Sep 4, 2009 6:37:52 PM PDT
Rain Jeys says:
If your child changes her mind about living with you, don't be too hurt or assume she doesn't love you, or loves you less than her mother. My mother had a lot of mental issues, and mentally and emotionally abused me. My father always told me that I could choose to live with him when I turned 12, per state law. But I didn't for several reasons. The main one is that to a twelve year old girl, her friends are her life, and I didn't want to leave them and change schools. If you and your ex live in the same area, this might not be a problem for you. I also really loved my mom, and knew she'd never forgive me for leaving her. I realize now how unfair that was, to essentially punish my dad for being the more rational, less manipulative person. I was also afraid she might find a way to get me back that would end up hurting my dad. Even after everything, I still love her and seek her favor. I'm an adult now, but I still talk to her, and bit by bit she's realizing that her actions were wrong. She's not a sociopath, but you said "she once cried and cried in fron tof our child and told her that her daddu was trying to take her away. Who would do that?". Well, my mom did stuff like that. I suspect she suffers from borderline personality disorder, which is a disorder in which the person has an incredibly short temper, and little things can set them off, and once they get going there's no stopping them. And worst of all, they never believe anything is their fault. Ever. So imagine having knock-down, drag-out fights with your mother a few times a week, that ended with you both in tears, and she never, ever thinks she did anyhing worng, and therefore concludes that her child must hate her, and have serious mental problems. And yet I chose to live with her. So just don't be completelky crushed if your daughter makes the same decision. Just encourage her to talk to you about it, and assure her that you'll understand and pass no judgment whatever her decision.

Also, there are lots of people out there with sociopathic tendencies who are not sociopaths. There's a branch of mild schizophrenia (so mild that most people will never guess you have it) that causes emotional detachment. I know someone who literally cannot empathize with someone she hasn't personally met, yet is fiercely loyal and understanding of her friends. I also know a guy who can empathize with animals. but not most humans (except like his parents and girlfriend). It happens. Both of these people are good people, and they don't go out of their way to hurt or manipulate others. They just have emotional limitations. They're not evil. There are plenty of people out there with no hint of sociopathic tendencies who cause plenty of pain for others.

In reply to an earlier post on May 20, 2010 8:07:29 PM PDT
Wow, she certainly sounds like a sociopath!!! It is good that your child is with the responsible parent and not the irresponsible one. I'll post here my basic story in a nutshell as I posted it on another thread. I just came to look at a book but have decided that I may need to say something. Perhaps something I say will help just ONE person. If so, it was worth it. :) Good luck with your child. Myself and my child have made it this far. Remember, the favorite things of the sociopath are to blame others, have pity parties for themselves, make you feel inadequate and feel sorry for them, all the while, they get lifted up and actually believe that they are in the right. Their behaviors make NO sense for us "normal minded" people. Makes me sick! Here's what I wrote:
Let me just say I feel for you. I just divorced a Spath as we(survivors) like to call them(sociopath) for short. It appears to me that most of the people writing on here have not even dealt with a true sociopath. Once you do...you totally understand what the "no conscience" thing means. Really, until you deal with such a person, you have no grip on what that might be like. You can't wrap your brain around the thought that someone could look you in the eyes and lie to your face over and over again obviously destroying your whole family and yet they live their life blaming you for all the issues THEY have. They actually do not take blame for anything and they are ALWAYS the victim. These are two of the red flags that should be noted.
My ex is model-gorgeous and hunky, super charming, can sell an ice cube to an eskimo, yet he is the most manipulative con-man one might meet. They (sociopath) are only looking for what is good for them. They are super selfish-this will be evident in EVERY aspect of their life. They appear to do "nice" things for people but if you watch them, you will see that every thing they do, is for their own glory and/or self. They will lie as smoothly and convincingly as us "normal" people would tell a good story. Many of them are narcissistic meaning they are very self absorbed (goes along with selfish) and they bring a lot of attention to themselves. They also often have addictive type behavior (as my ex did) because they are selfish and only care about pleasing themselves. They are similar to a tornado.....they swoop in and make your head turn until you don't know which direction you are going. They are very good at total confusion to their victim and so good that you actually question your OWN sanity. Scary. Very scary and really very sad. Most Spaths will use religion to their advantage to control the other person or persons involved. Beware of the person who speaks that they "love God so much" but they show NO Godly behaviors. My ex has this down....he knows so many bible scriptures and sounds like he should be a teacher BUT he shows no fruit-meaning his actions do NOT coincide with what he says. He does NOT portray the actions of a "God-fearing" man. Beware!!!

Spaths can not empathize with other people....that was well said by a few of you guys (I'm not trying to critique but the way I think makes it seem like I am). It is completely true. They have no conscience but they do feel emotions. Ya, think about that for awhile. Once...well make that twice....my ex let our birds go from their cage in the 100 plus degree heat. He just took the cage outside and shood them out of the cage(they could fly-they would fly around our house often). Then he blamed me for his actions. He sentenced our little birds to death and blamed me for what he just did. I was able to catch one of the boys and get him back in the cage. But then a few months later when the ex got mad at me...he let that one go along with the other one I had gotten so my poor single bird would have a friend. :( See, just thinking of that brings a tear to my eye and my heart hurts. He would not see what was wrong with it because in his twisted mind he did not see anything wrong with it I guess. I really don't know what he thinks.
This is getting long but it is super important to pay attention to the traits listed in that book because it is true. My ex has 6 and maybe 7 of the 7 traits listed as what a true "sociopath" is. He is very deceiving and very believable. He uses his good looks to lure people in and suggest that he is indeed trustworthy. There are things he will do to make people think but he is so good at deception, he will spin another story just believable enough to make him appear credible. It can take people a good year or so to figure him out and then he conveniently moves on. Changes churches, places of work, places of living, friends, etc.

In my case, I must totally ignore my ex. He JUST moved back to my town 2 days ago already weaving his deception and telling people that he has come back to "restore" our marriage and make things right with me. This is after I've told him to his face and in many emails that I would "under no circumstance" date or otherwise have anything personal to do with him. He does not get it. This is how his mind is. They just don't understand why you are not influenced by them. In my case, I have to totally ignore him (since he just wants attention). I may need a restraining order to keep him away from me since he seems to just show up here and there unwanted.
I really hope that most of you on here never have to deal with a person like this especially in a truly personal way. Spath's destroy your heart, financial security, family, sense of self, trust, and anything else they can destroy and then look at you and say, "What did I do? Why are you angry?". When you tell them their misdeeds, they look at you with a truly blank look. They really do not "get it". I could go on forever but I won't. Enough said.

Stay away from these people!!! They will suck you in like a whirlpool and leave your head spinning.

Posted on May 23, 2010 1:24:24 PM PDT
They definately know "what they did" & "why are you so angry"....they just do not care. They know right from wrong, but could care less if it get's them what they want. They're masters at being believable to the uninformed. And nothing can change them. And when they are found out, they move on to the next plot or person. What I wonder about is, the ones like the BK killer? He had a family with kids, & he killed people?? He claimed the only pain he felt was what he had caused his family after he had been caught. But if you watched him in the court proceedings, you'd see that he was really enjoying the attention & he didn't really seem to care how his family felt. I just wonder if they REALLY have feelings for their family or if that's just a statement they make & act out because they have learned loving & providing for your family is the thing you're supposed to do to appear normal in this world??

In reply to an earlier post on May 11, 2011 10:08:36 PM PDT
Heather Wolten,

Thanks for sharing your story. Are you back with him now?

In reply to an earlier post on May 12, 2011 7:41:05 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 22, 2011 9:10:06 PM PDT
NO WAY! I would not even give him the time of day if I saw him again. Thank you for asking!
He has since remarried another poor woman with many kids. I pray for them constantly because she is now under his control and her poor kids. But, nothing I can do about it and I will not get involved.

In reply to an earlier post on May 15, 2011 6:33:50 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Aug 13, 2011 12:55:46 AM PDT
Heather,

Some people just don't learn. They talk a good game, but will their actions follow? So I'm glad to hear your answer.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 21, 2011 4:14:09 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jun 23, 2011 12:47:15 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 21, 2011 5:34:55 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jul 24, 2011 6:12:22 PM PDT
Hi there....well he is supposedly "married" now.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 22, 2011 8:01:25 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 24, 2011 12:11:52 PM PDT
Hi again, I should have posted this last night but I was too tired and I typed before my brain engaged. :)
I have no idea how you even found these posts but if you did then it sounds like you are in a bad position whether you are dating MY ex or someone else. I do not want anything to do with this man in any way so forgive me to being short but if you have come this far and you are seeking answers, you need to trust your instinct because something is wrong.
I can't help you further and I will not get involved but this is the little advice I can offer you and that is to get away from him no matter how you do it. I am assuming you read the posts on this so you have an idea that you are dealing with a unscrupulous person. You need to take it seriously-it is not a joke. Good luck!

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 22, 2011 12:16:39 PM PDT
This man has green eyes, not blue, but every other descriptor matches. This is a very bad actor no matter whether the same person or not. Having been greatly damaged by a sociopath, I'm including the information here.

Convicted Sexual Offender Detailed Information
WOLTEN, CAMERON THOREVOLD
Known Aliases
PRESHER, CAMERON
PRESHER, TERI
PRESHER, TORY
PRESHER, CAMERON TROY
WOLTEN, CAMERON T
WOLTON, CAMERON THOREVOLD
WOLTON, CAMERON
WOLTEN, CAMERON
PRESHER, CAMERON T
WOLTON, GAMERON THOREVOLD
PRESHER, TERY
Tier Level
COMMUNITY NOTIFICATION: TIER LEVEL 2
Date(s) of Birth
1965
Physical Description
Sex: M Race: WHITE Hair Color: BROWN
Eye Color: GREEN Height: 602 Weight: 225
Scars, Marks and Tattoos
Code: HAND, RIGHT Description: CROSS
Code: ARM, LEFT Description: HEART
Code: ARM, RIGHT Description: BUNNY
Code: SHOULDER, RIGHT Description: EAGLE
Residence Address
518 TURTLEBACK RD #H
MESQUITE
NV
89027
Employer Address
NV
Conviction and Incarceration Information
Conviction
Conviction Date: 1988-06-17
Court: SUPERIOR COURT
Conviction Location: MOSES LAKE, WA
Conviction State: WA
Statute: NRS179D.450
Conviction Description: RAPE, FIRST DEGREE
Additional images

Convicted Sexual Offender Detailed Information
WOLTEN, CAMERON THOREVOLD
Known Aliases
PRESHER, CAMERON
PRESHER, TERI
PRESHER, TORY
PRESHER, CAMERON TROY
WOLTEN, CAMERON T
WOLTON, CAMERON THOREVOLD
WOLTON, CAMERON
WOLTEN, CAMERON
PRESHER, CAMERON T
WOLTON, GAMERON THOREVOLD
PRESHER, TERY
Tier Level
COMMUNITY NOTIFICATION: TIER LEVEL 2
Date(s) of Birth
1965
Physical Description
Sex: M Race: WHITE Hair Color: BROWN
Eye Color: GREEN Height: 602 Weight: 225
Scars, Marks and Tattoos
Code: HAND, RIGHT Description: CROSS
Code: ARM, LEFT Description: HEART
Code: ARM, RIGHT Description: BUNNY
Code: SHOULDER, RIGHT Description: EAGLE
Residence Address
518 TURTLEBACK RD #H
MESQUITE
NV
89027
Employer Address
NV
Conviction and Incarceration Information
Conviction
Conviction Date: 1988-06-17
Court: SUPERIOR COURT
Conviction Location: MOSES LAKE, WA
Conviction State: WA
Statute: NRS179D.450
Conviction Description: RAPE, FIRST DEGREE
Additional images

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 22, 2011 1:54:53 PM PDT
Well, Concerned Citizen you hit the nail on the head. :) However, he does have BLUE eyes and not green and some of the tatoos are different than what shows up listed here.
I must admit this has become quite interesting! I'm not really sure what to think of it all but he has burned bridges everywhere he goes and apparently still is. Guess he'll have to move to a different State!

Posted on Jun 22, 2011 4:23:15 PM PDT
Is this the "handsome" devil?
http://pdxmugshots.com/clackamas/mug/cameron-thorevold-wolten

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 22, 2011 5:36:12 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 22, 2011 8:55:54 PM PDT
Hi Lloyd!
Uh, well, when you put it that way.... :) Not so much anymore. He looks evil doesn't he?? I suppose his "handsomeness" was more in the way he wove his charmful web. When you look at him he doesn't exactly strike one as movie star gorgeous does he? Or even "hunky" anymore.
I think the meth is doing him in....he is starting to age a lot.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 29, 2011 1:03:53 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jun 29, 2011 1:12:29 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 29, 2011 1:04:50 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jun 29, 2011 1:12:57 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 29, 2011 1:05:30 PM PDT
amy rutberg says:
This is crazy heather.. if you can still get this.. your ex.. is my ex.. I'm Amy. He did that to your birds, he did that to my dog. We had a German shepherd named tink he got mad at me, pulled over kicked the dog out of the explorer and told me the next morning he got rid of the wrong bit.. I was heart broken. I was with him for 4.5 years, it took me 2.5 years of being single to even be able to get into a relationship, and another year to be able to not think he was like him. I'm glad you escaped, and the ironic part, I ran into 'him' as you were breaking up and he gave me the whole line of restoring your marriage.. I would love to talk to you. Please contact me rutbergamy@hotmail.com..

Posted on Jun 29, 2011 1:09:34 PM PDT
amy rutberg says:
Wow that's funny didn't read the whole thing, but wow... that's crazy concerned citizen.. I was thinking about it, but I'm kind of weary of upsetting him.

In reply to an earlier post on Jul 7, 2011 6:28:14 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 24, 2011 9:57:07 AM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jul 7, 2011 12:02:30 PM PDT
amy rutberg says:
Yeah, I was pre heather for 4.5 yrs. I had him.convicted of felony domestic violence. He was investigated for possible molestation of 3 out of 4 of my children. The state said they could only get him for 7 lewd acts in front of a minor and didn't pursue it.

Posted on Jul 8, 2011 7:04:21 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 24, 2011 9:56:46 AM PDT]

Posted on Jul 9, 2011 1:36:41 PM PDT
Hello Amy Rutberg and Heather Wolten. My name is Nick Kavadas. This person has wormed his way into my step-daughter Ashley's life for the past 2 years, with extremely negative consequenses. Ever since she went to see him, she has been bulimic and a cutter. I often wonder if he molested her. From my most recent search he is using a cell phone with a Walla-Walla WA number, but could be calling from anywhere. Since he is required to register as a sex offender, and probably hasn't, I'd really like to get him locked up, just to stop him for awhile. I'd really like to speak to both of you if it's ok. My email is nickkavadas@msn.com. Thanks.

Posted on Jul 10, 2011 10:56:40 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 24, 2011 9:56:29 AM PDT]
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The Sociopath Next Door
The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout (Hardcover - February 8, 2005)
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