Sole Sisters: The Joys and Pains of Single Black Women [Paperback]

Deborah Mathis (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 24, 2007

The news is not good for black women when it comes to finding a partner. Where not long ago there were roughly two married women to every single woman, those numbers have gradually reversed over the past few decades—now, more than 60 percent of black women have either never married or are divorced. These numbers are far greater than those of any other social group, and the trend shows no sign of reversing. Mathis brings the skills of an astute veteran journalist and the passions of an attentive and articulate storyteller to uncovering the truths in single black women’s lives today. Sole Sisters is certain to ignite public debate on how and why so many black women remain single and spark discussion as to what semi-permanent singlehood means for so many.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this revealing work, nationally syndicated columnist Mathis, thrice married and divorced, recounts her chats with an intriguingly random group of 125 single black women about the drastic change facing their demographic. Here's the crucial statistic: while 62% of black women were legally partnered in the 1950s, that "norm has been turned on its ear, and most black adults are unmarried" today. With a storyteller's aptitude for creating character and rendering dialogue, Mathis tells of "Shrinkers," who "want a man, but [are] not willing to put much effort into finding him"; "Freestylers," who "have pitched the old rules of engagement—same race, same age, same socioeconomic class, same religion, and same country—and widened their options"; and "Nawnaws," who are neither "gay women or nuns... who have no interest in men." There are also biological clock watchers ("Tickers"), virtuous widows ("Flamekeepers") and "Trippers" in relationships that resemble "a trip down whitewater rapids with neither a paddle nor a boat." There's "a troubling trend" in the numbers, Mathis says, but "there is a lot of upside to being a single black woman in these days." Her book offers wit and wisdom for living with both the pains and the joys. (July)
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Product Details

• Paperback: 230 pages
• Publisher: Agate Bolden (April 24, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 193284127X
• ISBN-13: 978-1932841275
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.2 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,282,079 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Sis, Let's Talk, April 25, 2007

By 

Sharel Love "Sharel E. Gordon-Love, Author" (North Plainfield, NJ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Sole Sisters: The Joys and Pains of Single Black Women (Hardcover)

Author Deborah Mathis has penned a non-fiction book that addresses "singlehood" among Black women and the different phases and aspects we live within it. Why is it some are relatively comfortable being single while others either give excuses for why they are, or they are finding ways to change it come hell or high water?

"Sole Sisters" is a point-blank look at what Black women go through as they progress from their flirty 20's, commandeering 30's and on into that comfort zone of the 40's. All the while, being a single woman, whether divorced or having never been married, we have to deal with accepting our single status and wondering why one of our friends have no problems getting a man, or trying to figure out why all we attract are the `boo boos'.

Author Mathis shares her own journey and those of her friends as they tell the stories of their lives and their experiences with the men who cross their paths. Through these shared conversations with her friends, we learn about the "Shakers, Swingles, Freestylers and Flamekeepers", just to name a few. But when it is all said and done, and we want to keep it real, we have to be honest with ourselves first. Black women want romance, or the promise of it; with a man who will be able to deal with all of who we are and still adore us for being that person. Yet, we should take the time to look within ourselves and know who we are in conjunction with what we are looking for, being sure to take time out to heal before looking for "Mr. Right."

I recommend this book to any Black woman who would like to sit down and be honest with their best girlfriend and reveal all that is on your heart. In the pages of this book, you will feel you are talking to your girlfriend about this very personal issue while receiving good insight into where you may be in your "singlehood."


Reviewed by Sharel E. Gordon-Love
Apooo BookClub

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sisters, Lets Get Real, July 28, 2007

By 

The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers (RAWSISTAZ.com and BlackBookReviews.net) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Sole Sisters: The Joys and Pains of Single Black Women (Paperback)

Author Deborah Mathis tackles a crisis in the lives of single Black women in America in her book SOLE SISTERS, The Joys and Pains of Single Black Women. Mathis begins her research looking back to the 1950's when more than 60% of Black adults were married. Today, the trend has reversed itself and more Blacks are now unmarried. The reasons she sites for this change are many, from educational differences to sexual differences, but whatever the reason, the result is a shortage of marriageable Black men. She says it begins at birth, when the census reports that more females are born than males. Issues like the high numbers of Black males being incarcerated, higher unemployment rates among Black males, fewer Black males seeking a college education, or Black males fearing commitment help shape the way Black women are adjusting to living the "Sole Sisterhood."

Mathis interviews 125 single Black women in order to cast light on how they are coping in today's society with fewer eligible Black males. She groups the women into ten categories based on their approach to the single lifestyle. "Shrinkers" are women who want a man, but do nothing to attract them. "Swingles" are the swinging singles and are often threats to other single women. "Tickers" are the ones with the biological clocks going full blast. "Freestylers" have widened their choices by looking at men of other races and age groups. "Nawnaws" are women who have no interest in men, and no, they are not gay. "Coasters" are optimists who don't really see the shortage of available men as a problem for them. "Double Dippers" are married women who act like they are single. "Flamekeepers" are widows and have no interest in securing another relationship. "Knitters" are in a non-marriage relationship that is mutually satisfying to both. "Trippers" are looking for the knight in shining armor and is willing to put up with any type of treatment to have a man.

SOLE SISTERS is a very personal, interesting, and sometimes witty look at the state of single African-American females. Even though some single women are happy with their adjustment, a deeper reflection reveals a wounded heart on some level. In a latter section of the book, Mathis, along with a relationship expert, delves deeper into each category and "gets real" about the healing that needs to proceed. She does an excellent job of gathering the statistics, the interview materials and personal experiences which makes this book a wonderful conversation tool. I have no doubt the Sole Sister experience will open a few eyes.

Reviewed by Brenda M. Lisbon
of The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers

5.0 out of 5 stars Pretty accurate, December 28, 2010

By 

Elissa Jones "writersinger" (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Sole Sisters: The Joys and Pains of Single Black Women (Paperback)

This book is pretty accurate about the ups and downs of single African American women. It covers a wide variety of experiences and ages. Women were interviewed and it was like being with women we knew. I would recommend it highly.