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Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life Paperback – April 15, 2010

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Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life + On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone + Living Alone and Loving It
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Hay House (April 15, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401921442
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401921446
  • Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.2 x 1.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #498,991 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


How to learn to love your own company. You Magazine, Mail On Sunday 20100328 --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

About the Author

Lauren Mackler is a renowned coach, keynote speaker, and host of the weekly Life Keys radio show on Over the past 25 years, she has been a psychotherapist, workshop facilitator, corporate consultant, and a leading authority in the areas of personal transformation, relationships, and professional performance. She is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, and fellow author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard.

More About the Author

Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach, international bestselling author, keynote speaker, and creator of the Illumineering Coaching method. Her work has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The Daily Mail, Body & Soul, Huffington Post, Boston Globe, New York Daily News, and other media. She is host of the Life Keys radio show on Hay House Radio, a Huffington Post blogger, and a frequent commentator on CNN and FOX.

Over the past 25 years, Lauren has been a psychotherapist, consultant, coach, and a leading authority in human behavior, personal and professional transformation, relationships, and leadership. She is the author of "Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life", which became an international bestseller just nine days after its release. Before entering the personal and professional development field, Lauren worked in the entertainment industry as a host on the PM Magazine television show and as a singer in the recording group, Tuxedo Junction.

After leaving the entertainment business in 1982, Lauren became a psychotherapist and lived in Germany for several years, where she gained national recognition for developing a unique psychotherapeutic method that combined the principles of psychoimmunology with psychodynamic psychology. Lauren also spent several years working in the corporate arena, including leading Arthur Andersen's People Strategy consulting practice. In 2001, she founded Lauren Mackler & Associates LLC, integrating her unique expertise in psychology, holistic healing, business, and leadership to facilitate coaching programs, workshops, and professional trainings recognized as among the best in the world today.

Lauren is a keynote speaker and teacher, and facilitates workshops at Omega, Kripalu, Esalen, Hollyhock, Canyon Ranch, and other centers around the world.

Customer Reviews

Really helping me understand Family and its role on a child.
Tina Leventis
This book is a great tool if you are truly ready to take a long hard look at yourself and your life in order to make positive changes.
I would highly recommend this book for everyone, single or not.
A. Mansky

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

127 of 138 people found the following review helpful By Someone's Mom on June 12, 2009
Format: Hardcover
and trolling the internet, particularly late at night, looking for self-help fixes for a lonely life, then chances are what you need cannot necessarily be contained in a book. Maybe you need therapy, drugs, Jesus, a snack or a good bonking --but if, like me, you've already read a zillion self-help books, then you're probably not convinced that there's ANY book out there that's going to be a panacea or a magic bullet for what ails you.

That said, this one isn't bad. What makes it revolutionary, really,is the fact that she's NOT saying: This is how to fix your lonesome self so that you will be more attractive to friends, neighbors, family members and the opposite sex (or the same sex, I guess) and not be alone anymore. Rather, she's saying that the people who don't like being alone are frequently those who don't really like themselves and thus have a hard time being alone with themselves. Makes sense, certainly.

However, she's still writing largely about her own situation -- young marriage, harsh divorce, moving back to the US from Europe, alone. She's talking about the aloneness that comes from being single --not all those other types of aloneness; not waking up with my menopausal self in the middle of the night and being unable to go to sleep and wondering what the heck I'm doing with myself aloneness. Not being in a lonely marriage aloneness. Not wondering why I'm so different from all the other hellish housewives in my subdivision who seem perfectly content to play bunco, drink margaritas and talk about their latest diet aloneness.

On the positive side: Nowhere in the book does she suggest that physical exercise will solve your problems, which i always consider a huge plus in the self-help literature.
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18 of 20 people found the following review helpful By A. Mansky on May 26, 2009
Format: Hardcover
This book is a fantastic, well-written, and well organized book. I would highly recommend this book for everyone, single or not. I have read countless books in the self-help genre but none of the books get to the core of the human issues as clearly as this book does. I read it in three days and plan to do all of the exercises. I have numerous books on manifesting love but as Mackler expresses in her book, how can you manifest love if you have a unconscious block. This book clearly helps the reader get to the root of those unconscious blocks. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book.

"If your energy is being expended in staying safe - in avoiding failure, rejection, physical harm, and emotional pain by avoiding the people, places, and situations that trigger your fears-then that energy is tied up in your vigilance to stay safe instead of in fulfilling your potential." Page 78

"If you make finding a soul mate the main focus of your life-and many people do-then if he or she fails to show up, you may spend many days or months or years waiting for a happy and fulfilling life instead of living it." Page 32

Thanks for writing this terrific book, Lauren. It is a Godsend.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By P. K. Ruse on July 6, 2009
Format: Hardcover
What a wonderful book! I feel that this is a must read book for everyone regardless of age, gender, or relationship status. Yes, with the clever title, one might think it is only for people looking for a relationship, or looking to better the one that he or she is presently in, and, it is. However, it is truly a book for anyone looking to make positive, and lasting changes in his or her life. I am a happily married mother of two young boys, who works part-time, and this book has truly changed how I live my life day to day, how I interact with those around me, how I parent my children, and how I treat myself.

This book is tremendously insightful, and very well written. It is filled with a compilation of all of the tools (as well as the theories behind them) to take concrete, doable actions to move forward in your life and to live true to who you are. I think that so many of us know that we want "more" yet we don't always know what that "more" is, why we want "more", and how to get "more" out of our lives. Many of us just walk around doing the same old thing day in and day out, or as Lauren Mackler calls it, living life by default. She gives us the tools to live a more deliberate life, one that we have outlined for ourselves, and one that is more in line with our authentic selves.

What I love about this book is that it truly gave me a comprehensive step-by-step guide for personal transformation. I found that the book broke things down into manageable pieces for me to read, with corresponding exercises/activities for me to do. Each one built upon the next one, and at the end of the book, I had a life vision statement that empowered me, excited me, and energized me. And, even better, it is realistic!

I also love that Lauren Mackler is upfront about this work.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful By T U Dawood on January 23, 2011
Format: Paperback

Lauren Mackler has put her heart and soul into Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, a Hay House publication that walks readers through the importance of finding completion within oneself. She believes that first one must be whole because connecting with others.

She shares her own life story and experience as a prelude and support to the exercise and the guidelines she shares to help readers achieve wholeness.

Chapters like "Uncovering Your Unconditioned Self" talk about how you are born full of all emotions and free to express them. Growing up in a family unit starts affecting how you feel about your emotions and which you start expressing and most particularly repressing. Unprogramming yourselves from this is a very challenging thing to be but can have immense rewards for through this effort you can discover what your true preferences are and then make decisions that are best for you, not what other people may think is best for you.

Mackler continues this process through her "Living Deliberately Versus by Default" chapter where she suggests:

* Sending loving messages to yourself
* Taking good care of yourself
* Do nice things for yourself
* Set boundaries with other people
* Become your own advocate
* Believe in yourself
* Be compassionate

She culminates these suggestions with her chapter "Bringing Your Vision to Life," where she has created exercises to facilitate and expedite a reader's achievement of the goals of the book.
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