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In Solemate,Lauren Mackler provides a groundbreaking road map to help people achieve mastery of their lives. Drawing from her own experiences; those of her clients; and the fields of psychology, physiology, sociology, holistic healing, and strategic business practices, Mackler provides the practical information, tools, and exercises to show you how to be independent and stand on your own two feet. Mastering the art of aloneness is about becoming the person you were meant to be, treating yourself well, and shedding the old beliefs and behaviors that limit your ability to live a healthy, happy, secure, and satisfying life.
Quizzes and guided journaling help you identify the core limiting beliefs and fears that keep you from being whole and happy with yourself. Mackler teaches you to overcome these beliefs through deliberate living exercises that help align your actions with your desired results. She then helps you liberate your authentic self, so you know exactly who you are. Finally, she leads you through the process of creating a life vision to help you achieve any goal you set for yourself. Solemate is not about being alone, it is about developing the self-awareness, life skills, and emotional intelligence needed to live a full, happy, successful, and financially secure life.
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How to learn to love your own company. You Magazine, Mail On Sunday 20100328
--This text refers to an alternate
Paperback
edition.
About the Author
Lauren Mackler is a renowned coach, keynote speaker, and host of the weekly Life Keys radio show on HayHouseRadio.com. Over the past 25 years, she has been a psychotherapist, workshop facilitator, corporate consultant, and a leading authority in the areas of personal transformation, relationships, and professional performance. She is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, and fellow author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard.
Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach, bestselling author, keynote speaker, and creator of the Illumineering psychotherapeutic coaching method. Her work has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The Daily Mail, Body & Soul, Huffington Post, Boston Globe, New York Daily News, and other media. She is host of the Life Keys radio show on www.contacttalkradio.com, a Huffington Post blogger, and a frequent relationship expert on CNN and FOX.
Over the past 25 years, Lauren has been a psychotherapist, consultant, corporate executive, and a leading authority in human behavior, personal transformation, relationships, and leadership. She is the author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life and fellow author of Speaking of Success with Jack Canfield and Stephen Covey. Before entering the personal and professional development field, Lauren worked in the entertainment industry as a host on the PM Magazine television show and as a singer in the recording group Tuxedo Junction.
After leaving the entertainment business in 1982, Lauren became a psychotherapist and lived in Germany for several years, where she gained national recognition for developing a unique psychotherapeutic method that combined the principles of psychoimmunology with psychodynamic psychology. Lauren also spent several years working in the corporate arena, leading Arthur Andersen's People Strategy consulting practice and serving as Vice President of Organizational Development at Boston Financial. In 2001, she founded Lauren Mackler & Associates, integrating her unique expertise in psychology, holistic healing, business, and leadership to facilitate coaching programs, workshops, and professional trainings recognized as among the best in the world today.
Lauren is a frequent keynote speaker, and facilitates workshops at Omega, Kripalu, Hollyhock, Canyon Ranch, and other centers around the world. In 2009 Lauren founded the Illumineer Coach Institute to train and certify professionals in the Illumineering method. www.laurenmackler.com
and trolling the internet, particularly late at night, looking for self-help fixes for a lonely life, then chances are what you need cannot necessarily be contained in a book. Maybe you need therapy, drugs, Jesus, a snack or a good bonking --but if, like me, you've already read a zillion self-help books, then you're probably not convinced that there's ANY book out there that's going to be a panacea or a magic bullet for what ails you.
That said, this one isn't bad. What makes it revolutionary, really,is the fact that she's NOT saying: This is how to fix your lonesome self so that you will be more attractive to friends, neighbors, family members and the opposite sex (or the same sex, I guess) and not be alone anymore. Rather, she's saying that the people who don't like being alone are frequently those who don't really like themselves and thus have a hard time being alone with themselves. Makes sense, certainly.
However, she's still writing largely about her own situation -- young marriage, harsh divorce, moving back to the US from Europe, alone. She's talking about the aloneness that comes from being single --not all those other types of aloneness; not waking up with my menopausal self in the middle of the night and being unable to go to sleep and wondering what the heck I'm doing with myself aloneness. Not being in a lonely marriage aloneness. Not wondering why I'm so different from all the other hellish housewives in my subdivision who seem perfectly content to play bunco, drink margaritas and talk about their latest diet aloneness.
On the positive side: Nowhere in the book does she suggest that physical exercise will solve your problems, which i always consider a huge plus in the self-help literature.... I'm deeply suspicious of any book that says that my plight can be solved by jogging, particularly if it involves having to wear my hair in a ponytail and don a baseball cap. On the other hand, she specifically says that she's NOT blaming all of anyone's problems on family of origin issues, but then she contradicts herself and goes on and on about her childhood.
I'll confess here that part of me likes self-help books from the voyeuristic thrill you get when someone else airs their dirty laundry. She does that, alot. But if you can get through that, you might find the occasional nugget of wisdom tucked into this book.
One final note: I would absolutely LOVE to read her take on all the huge lengths we all go to today to avoid being alone -- all the twittering and facebooking and endless updates on baby showers and dentist appointments that we fill our minds with so we can avoid being alone with ourselves. I know it's a bit off topic but I would have loved to hear her take on it. That's all.Read more ›
What a wonderful book! I feel that this is a must read book for everyone regardless of age, gender, or relationship status. Yes, with the clever title, one might think it is only for people looking for a relationship, or looking to better the one that he or she is presently in, and, it is. However, it is truly a book for anyone looking to make positive, and lasting changes in his or her life. I am a happily married mother of two young boys, who works part-time, and this book has truly changed how I live my life day to day, how I interact with those around me, how I parent my children, and how I treat myself.
This book is tremendously insightful, and very well written. It is filled with a compilation of all of the tools (as well as the theories behind them) to take concrete, doable actions to move forward in your life and to live true to who you are. I think that so many of us know that we want "more" yet we don't always know what that "more" is, why we want "more", and how to get "more" out of our lives. Many of us just walk around doing the same old thing day in and day out, or as Lauren Mackler calls it, living life by default. She gives us the tools to live a more deliberate life, one that we have outlined for ourselves, and one that is more in line with our authentic selves.
What I love about this book is that it truly gave me a comprehensive step-by-step guide for personal transformation. I found that the book broke things down into manageable pieces for me to read, with corresponding exercises/activities for me to do. Each one built upon the next one, and at the end of the book, I had a life vision statement that empowered me, excited me, and energized me. And, even better, it is realistic!
I also love that Lauren Mackler is upfront about this work.... She reminds readers that this is a process, not something to be achieved overnight, and not something that comes along merely by positive thinking alone (although she does use visualization). Yet, this work is transformative, and its results are life changing and long lasting.
I have given this book to many people (I can't bear to loan mine out as I reference it a lot!), and they have all loved it as much as I have.Read more ›
This book is a fantastic, well-written, and well organized book. I would highly recommend this book for everyone, single or not. I have read countless books in the self-help genre but none of the books get to the core of the human issues as clearly as this book does. I read it in three days and plan to do all of the exercises. I have numerous books on manifesting love but as Mackler expresses in her book, how can you manifest love if you have a unconscious block. This book clearly helps the reader get to the root of those unconscious blocks. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book.
"If your energy is being expended in staying safe - in avoiding failure, rejection, physical harm, and emotional pain by avoiding the people, places, and situations that trigger your fears-then that energy is tied up in your vigilance to stay safe instead of in fulfilling your potential." Page 78
"If you make finding a soul mate the main focus of your life-and many people do-then if he or she fails to show up, you may spend many days or months or years waiting for a happy and fulfilling life instead of living it." Page 32
Thanks for writing this terrific book, Lauren. It is a Godsend.
Lauren Mackler has put her heart and soul into Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, a Hay House publication that walks readers through the importance of finding completion within oneself. She believes that first one must be whole because connecting with others.
She shares her own life story and experience as a prelude and support to the exercise and the guidelines she shares to help readers achieve wholeness.
Chapters like "Uncovering Your Unconditioned Self" talk about how you are born full of all emotions and free to express them. Growing up in a family unit starts affecting how you feel about your emotions and which you start expressing and most particularly repressing. Unprogramming yourselves from this is a very challenging thing to be but can have immense rewards for through this effort you can discover what your true preferences are and then make decisions that are best for you, not what other people may think is best for you.
Mackler continues this process through her "Living Deliberately Versus by Default" chapter where she suggests:
* Sending loving messages to yourself * Taking good care of yourself * Do nice things for yourself * Set boundaries with other people * Become your own advocate * Believe in yourself * Be compassionate
She culminates these suggestions with her chapter "Bringing Your Vision to Life," where she has created exercises to facilitate and expedite a reader's achievement of the goals of the book.... Exercise One identifies the most important attributes of your ideal life, Exercise Two teaches you how to write a Life Vision statement, Exercise Three identifies barriers you may face, Exercise Four helps you narrow an action plan to three specific goals, Exercise Five helps you develop a set of action steps to help you achieve those goals and Exercise Six facilitates the creation of a new life structure.
There is a lot of depth and immense soul in Solemate, and if you are able to read through the over 300 pages of text, you will emerge much more confident and happier about yourself. The exercises to are useful, but definitely involve work and action on your part. This is not the passive, lazy guide to loving yourself. That being said, if you choose to walk through Mackler's program, you will likely find yourself on the heels of a successful appreciation of yourself and a mastery of the Art of Aloneness. The perfect place to be if you want to fall in love.Read more ›
