67 of 73 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Offensive and Unhelpful, November 9, 2009
This review is from: Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome: Maximizing the Benefits, Minimizing the Drawbacks to Achieve Success (Hardcover)
This was the most offensive, patronizing, uninformative work of non-fiction that I have ever read. The author recounts scenario after scenario in which the person with AS acts in a selfish, rude, hateful, illogical, or irresponsible way towards their NT partner or parent. The offending aspie is usually a male spouse, and the wife is a long-suffering model of perfection who just can't take it anymore. Any examples of female aspies are portrayed as bratty out-of-control teenagers or self-centered, uncaring wives. But the author seems to have a proclivity towards man-bashing, and seems to relish the act of demonizing and/or patronizing the aspie husbands in page after page of complaining about aspie behavior (thinly veiled as "explaining" the behavior to NT readers.)
I forced myself to continue reading, thinking that at any point she would eventually get to the "solutions" that the title claimed to provide. The best "solution" I could glean from her ramblings was to see a therapist or marriage counselor for help.
I finally gave up reading this horrible excuse of a book, when I reached the chapter on marriage and divorce. The author has a special section for divorce and child custody. She states that under no circumstances should the AS spouse be allowed to have custody of the children. The AS spouse is not only unable to properly care for the children, but is actually a DANGER to them because of poor common sense. She gives the example that an AS spouse would not know that it would be inappropriate to leave a sleeping baby alone in the house. Then the author states that she is pushing for laws in the US, Canada, Australia, and the UK to make it impossible for anyone with an AS diagnosis to be granted custody of their children in the case of a divorce.
To me, this borders on libel. Every person is different, and every divorce is unique. I, for one, have gone to extreme lengths to create a better life for my child: moving out of town so that he would be able to go to a better school; finding him the best doctors to treat his ADHD and AS. Fighting for the right accommodations; providing him with the right balance of social time, school time, and private time so that he does not become agitated; keeping a calm and safe environment. My NT husband would not have done any of those things. He would have forced him to continue going to a school that treated him like a criminal/freak. He would have tried to "discipline" or shame the ADHD and AS out of him. He would not be able to provide the consistency or safe environment that is needed. He would not be able to understand or show compassion for the unusual behavior and meltdowns. If a COURT had decided to take my child away and place him in the care of my ex-husband based on some arbitrary blanket-statement that AS parents are unfit, my son would not only be in an unhealthy environment, he would probably be emotionally scarred for life.
I am disgusted at the tone and the opinions that Lovett has put forth in this book. Not only does it FAIL to provide "solutions," it completely misrepresents the true nature of Aspergers, and undermines the character and intelligence of everyone who is affected by this "disorder."
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53 of 57 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Written by NTs for NTs, August 19, 2007
This review is from: Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome: Maximizing the Benefits, Minimizing the Drawbacks to Achieve Success (Hardcover)
This book may be useful for someone who is a friend or family member of a person on the low-functioning end of AS. For Aspies themselves, however, it comes across as condescending and pitying; it refers to people with AS as 'childlike,' and is mostly written with that perspective. The author seems to have a lot of experience with how AS looks from the outside, but not a real understanding of how AS feels or how AS functions beyond the psychological/neurological theories of people without AS.
There are a handful of social tips for people with AS scattered throughout the book. Some of them may be useful, but for anyone who has learned to cope on their own as an adult, and is looking for help beyond what they have achieved by themselves, there is unlikely to be anything new.
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85 of 95 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Place of Honor, September 29, 2005
This review is from: Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome: Maximizing the Benefits, Minimizing the Drawbacks to Achieve Success (Hardcover)
This book deserves special kudos for addressing issues directly involving adults with Asperger's Syndrome (AS), e.g. marriage and employment. For people who have AS or are directly involved with someone who does, make this book your best friend. I like the way the author says that AS "does not become fatal" nor is it miraculously cured by the time a person turns 18. AS is not limited to children; children with AS become adults with the condition. Lovett's darts hit the description, definition and issues in re AS right in the bull's eye and punctures neurotypical (NT) myths about AS. This book deserves a place of honor.
The chapters are logically laid out and clearly identified with the subject matter being covered. Helpful vignettes involving people with AS are included along with discussions about the vignettes and the issues involved.
One of the greatest services this book does is to state that AS, which is the spectrum partner of autism is not a mental illness, but a neurobiological condition. AS is NOT caused by poor parenting and neglect; there is no medication for it and stupid myths such as these have long been disproved as being the crocks of bull that they always were.
Examples of interaction; discussion of accomodations being made for people on the autism/Asperger's (a/A) spectrum on jobs and parents with AS are included. This is a book no adult with AS should be without. It is also an excellent teaching tool for the neurotypical (NT) population as well. This book has something for everybody and I can't recommend it highly enough.
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