This was the most offensive, patronizing, uninformative work of non-fiction that I have ever read. The author recounts scenario after scenario in which the person with AS acts in a selfish, rude, hateful, illogical, or irresponsible way towards their NT partner or parent. The offending aspie is usually a male spouse, and the wife is a long-suffering model of perfection who just can't take it anymore. Any examples of female aspies are portrayed as bratty out-of-control teenagers or self-centered, uncaring wives. But the author seems to have a proclivity towards man-bashing, and seems to relish the act of demonizing and/or patronizing the aspie husbands in page after page of complaining about aspie behavior (thinly veiled as "explaining" the behavior to NT readers.)
I forced myself to continue reading, thinking that at any point she would eventually get to the "solutions" that the title claimed to provide. The best "solution" I could glean from her ramblings was to see a therapist or marriage counselor for help.
I finally gave up reading this horrible excuse of a book, when I reached the chapter on marriage and divorce. The author has a special section for divorce and child custody. She states that under no circumstances should the AS spouse be allowed to have custody of the children. The AS spouse is not only unable to properly care for the children, but is actually a DANGER to them because of poor common sense. She gives the example that an AS spouse would not know that it would be inappropriate to leave a sleeping baby alone in the house. Then the author states that she is pushing for laws in the US, Canada, Australia, and the UK to make it impossible for anyone with an AS diagnosis to be granted custody of their children in the case of a divorce.
To me, this borders on libel. Every person is different, and every divorce is unique. I, for one, have gone to extreme lengths to create a better life for my child: moving out of town so that he would be able to go to a better school; finding him the best doctors to treat his ADHD and AS. Fighting for the right accommodations; providing him with the right balance of social time, school time, and private time so that he does not become agitated; keeping a calm and safe environment. My NT husband would not have done any of those things. He would have forced him to continue going to a school that treated him like a criminal/freak. He would have tried to "discipline" or shame the ADHD and AS out of him. He would not be able to provide the consistency or safe environment that is needed. He would not be able to understand or show compassion for the unusual behavior and meltdowns. If a COURT had decided to take my child away and place him in the care of my ex-husband based on some arbitrary blanket-statement that AS parents are unfit, my son would not only be in an unhealthy environment, he would probably be emotionally scarred for life.
I am disgusted at the tone and the opinions that Lovett has put forth in this book. Not only does it FAIL to provide "solutions," it completely misrepresents the true nature of Aspergers, and undermines the character and intelligence of everyone who is affected by this "disorder."
