Solutions: Practical and Effective Antidotes for Sexual and Relationship Problems [Paperback]

Leslie Cameron-Bandler (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 1, 1985

This is a book about fulfillment and choice. The practical and effective solutions presented in the following pages will enable you, if you choose, to convert the promise of personal satisfaction and fulfillment into reality.

Although the material in this book is used by clinicians in the field of psychology, all of the concepts and methods are discussed in everyday terms. Each important point is amplified with anecdotes and actual examples from my rich background in helping people achieve happier and more fulfilling lives. Even though the presentation of this material is oriented around couple relationships and sexual functioning, it is important to know that these techniques are just as effective in producing desired change in all of the other significant areas of life. The following set of resources is a therapist's guidebook that anyone can use to resolve problems and make their life more of what they want it to be.

This revised and expanded edition of this work (formerly titled They Lived Happily Ever After) contains all of the methods and techniques formulated by my colleagues and me during our development of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). That remains unchanged; none of the original book has been deleted since each item has proven its value in creating positive change. But while this book has received a generous and enthusiastic response over the years, time has not stood still and even an excellent product of the past needs updating and improvement.

In addition to stylistic revisions, I have added several important new techniques that I developed during the past few years. These techniques work to remedy problems that were generally considered unsolvable when I first wrote this book. The new sections on the threshold pattern in relationships (Chapters 9 and 17) are especially relevant to anyone who wants to understand the process of falling in and out of love, and to everyone who wants to know what to do to maintain a loving an supportive relationship.

I have written this book for anyone who wants the experience of sexual fulfillment and nurturing relationships to reside within the realm of choice and control. The information contained in the following pages is for seekers and doers, people who will not settle for less when they know that more is within reach.

Be comfortable and curious as you read this book. Recognize yourself and others in the descriptions and stories. Practice the techniques--they work. Use what you are about to learn, and enjoy.

Editorial Reviews

Review

A first-class primer, a well-organized and easily-read survey of all the basic premises and techniques of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. -- Bill Bergman, NANLP Newsletter

Cameron-Bandler has learned and taught some remarkably effective ways for families and couple to succeed in their efforts to break through communication barriers. -- Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

My favorite NLP book. The author, an outstanding counselor and one of the developers of NLP, has compassionate friendliness and honesty as well as expertise. -- Nancy Freedom, Neuro-Linguistic Programming Bibliography

One could hardly ask for a better demonstration of NLP's potential power or the effectiveness of Cameron-Bandler's presentation. -- Sex Information & Education Council of the US

Solutions is a like a magical map, designed to assist anyone interested in more successfully getting to where they want to go and more happily navigating the realms of human interactions. -- Mark Roche, Parents Theosophical Research Group Parents Bulletin

Solutions is well-written and does a good job of explaining both NLP and NLP techniques. I would recommend this book, even for the skeptics of NLP. -- Family Relations: Journal of Applied Family & Child Studies

This book is probably the best introduction to NLP. Leslie Cameron-Bandler is a highly-gifted and caring therapist. --Eric Robbie, Human Potential Magazine

From the Author

I have specialized for many years in working with troubled couples, as well as couples and individuals suffering sexual dysfunction. As a result of my experience and background I developed therapeutic models and techniques for correcting relationship problems and sexual dysfunction. These models have come about as a result of studying such therapeutic wizards as Fritz Perls, Virginia Satir and Milton Erickson; doing therapy with countless couples, individuals, and families; and through seminars with a variety of professional communicators.

My purpose in modeling human experience is to overcome limitations and transform them into possibilities rich with choices. The purpose of this book is to make available to you the information and skills which make it possible to be successful in helping people establish enriching and fulfilling couple relationships, including mutually-satisfying sexual expression. The skills presented in this book include perceptual and behavioral options you need to transform a person's experience from a set of limitations to a set of choices. Each model and change technique includes a behavioral outcome that is easily-testable and verifiable in your sensory experience, leaving no doubt about its validity.

A model is a representation of experience, in the same way that a map is a representation of an area of territory, or a model airplane is a representation of a full-sized functioning airplane. The models presented here are blueprints for moving from unwanted to wanted experience. These models of change satisfy four conditions: (1) they work to produce the results they were designed for, (2) they are described in a step-by-step manner, so they are learnable and reproducible, (3) they are elegant, i.e., they use the least number of steps necessary to achieve the outcome, and (4) they are independent of content and deal with the form of the process, and therefore have universal applicability.

The models of change presented here use explicit, operational procedures to move a person from one specific experience to another. It is possible to give people directions that, when followed, will results in their arrival at the desired location. What is needed is knowledge of the present location, knowledge of the desired location, and knowledge of the possible routes between the two. If you have an overview of a maze, it is quite simple to chart a path from the center of the maze to freedom. Without such an overview you would waste precious time and energy on circular wanderings and dead ends. This book shows you how to determine the present or existing experiential location and how to specify the desired experiential location; it also provides choices (with instructions) for going from one to another.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 259 pages
• Publisher: Futurepace (July 1, 1985)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0932573010
• ISBN-13: 978-0932573018
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #873,473 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars This is a book intended for therapists, December 9, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Solutions: Practical and Effective Antidotes for Sexual and Relationship Problems (Paperback)

This book has interesting information in it, but what it contains is information intended for therapists whose goals it is to change the relationship lives of their clients, including couples that come to the therapist for therapeutic help.

It's poor judgement to choose a book like this one for yourself to develop your own relationship or sexual life with, because you'd have to be two people, the first a therapist, the second (and maybe third, including your partner) some client with a problem. While you could role model yourself and switch among those roles, adapting the book's content to your needs, I think it's better to look elsewhere for help for yourself. Another book written by the same authors is called Know-how, and aims to help it's readers help THEIR OWN relationship problems.

I've read this book and others by the same author, and couldn't make the content of the book "Solutions" relevant to my life in any valuable way while the other books were all quite applicable. Until the obvious occured to me, "This book is intended for therapists, not for people wanting to help their own relationship lives". Then I lost interest in this book. I'm not a therapist and don't plan to be one.

I don't recommend this book to anyone who is not a practicing marriage/couple therapist. It's value to someone who is not a therapist is almost nil.

5 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A great wedding - - or divorce -- gift., August 6, 1998

By 

[e-mail] (shores of that inland sea known as Lake Michigan) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Solutions: Practical and Effective Antidotes for Sexual and Relationship Problems (Paperback)

I have given this book as a wedding gift to people very close to me since first reading it. It has simple, easy-to-follow exercises for enhancing love and healing the easy-to-receive wounds. It also helps with the process of breaking up, should that be the way things go, allowing the pain to be transformed into growth and healing.

5.0 out of 5 stars Good for NLP study, May 5, 2011

By 

James Wilcox (Washington DC) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Solutions: Practical and Effective Antidotes for Sexual and Relationship Problems (Paperback)

I am a retired psychotherapist, so my take on this book is a bit different from those of other reviewers.

I agree with the reviewer "A Customer" in that this is not a "do it yourself" book. It really would be folly to attempt to use it for that purpose. A word of advice: Please don't try it.

The commentor to the above review, "E. Owen," also is correct in that the book would be difficult for most to understand because of the NLP jargon.

I used this book right after it was published for a graduate-level NLP course and found it to be excellent. I still have my copy, have referred to it many times over the years, and certainly still would go back to it.